Really angry - need advice

I've been fighting a cold for weeks, and now this week I'm starting to have some sumptoms of my fibromyalgia (fatigue, musle aches, etc etc). On Wednesday I was late for work and I told my boss I was feeling like shyt, explained what was going on and told him I'd try to hold out for important things I had to do Wed and Thur, but it looked like I'd need to take a day on Friday (today). My co-worker took 2 days off because her boyfriend broke up with her, then Wednesday announced her friends were coming over to drink, so I thought to myself "Great, she won't be in tomorrow"...and guess what? she called in sick and said she'd "Make it up to me" since she had interviews I then had to take over for her. She was scheduled to work from home today, so I reminded my boss and told him I really felt I needed a sick day, and he emailed me and said he'd prefer I didn't since because of the holiday it's virtually end of month and blah blah...then he siad, if you take a sick day, please put your cellphone number on your voicemail and check your email.... so finally I told him "fine, I'll come in." so he responds to my email byt telling me about how I have $X in commission coming to me and $X because I'm sure to win the monthly sales contest and I should use that money to take a day off and get a spa day in January.

I just find that really insulting. My boss is usually really nice to me and understanding and truly wonderful, which is why I am going on today, but if I'm sick now, how will a spa day in January help me? I'm not over-stressed, I have a freaking condition. I feel like telling him that the last time I had a major flare up I had to quit my jobs and take a year off from school and on a good day I could walk to the bathroom by myself... I'm sorry, but isn't my health a little more important than your stupid sales number? I already sold more than 3x what anyone else has this month. I just found what he said really insulting and I don't know how to respond.. How would you respond? And don't you think the FAIR thing would be to ask the co-worker to come in to the office today and let me stay home?

Re: Really angry - need advice

The KP office in Manhattan will probably be expanding next year and my current CD is taking it over, maybe you can switch offices. Sam is the best.

Re: Really angry - need advice

I don't know much about your condition but I think that he is probably going on the fact that you haven't yet called in sick. By you making it an option to either call in sick or not, he is not taking your illness seriously. I think if you truely need a day off, just call in and tell him you can't make it because you are ill.

Re: Really angry - need advice

Yep, I heard.


Actually my boss is ThE BEST I honestly love him to death, he was my boss when he was Academic Coordinator and I was a tutor. And he's usually INCREDIBLY nice to me. This is the first time in the 8.5 months I've been fuill time (and I guess the 6 years of working under him in some capacity) that he's made me upset. I'm sure he has pressure about his end of year numbers and I'm his go-to person for sales and consistently a strong seller...but really I think he's being unfair and insulting. I didn't mind going in today until he sent me the spa day email, and I am so close to laying into him, but I know I really shouldn't.

Re: Really angry - need advice

Re: Really angry - need advice

If it were my boss, I would let him know that I was not going to make it into the office today since I was obviously ill. I would remind him that I know he would want me to put my personal health and saftey before the sales numbers. I would then suggest that the other person come in to work as she is probably past her personal relationship issues after commiserating with friends such that she can handle coming in to the office.

ETA and make sure to let him know that your illness will not be helped by a spa day in January but that you will take his suggestion under advisement if you need a spa day in 2008.

Message edited 12/21/2007 8:46:35 AM.

Re: Really angry - need advice

Granted, I wasn't part of the conversation, but do you think it's possible you're taking the spa day comment the wrong way? That honestly sounds to me like he was trying to do something nice for you and was recognizing the fact that you would be working while not feeling your best. I highly doubt that he honestly thought it was going to help your condition.

If someone working for me told me days in advance that they thought they'd need a sick day that coming Friday, I have to admit (condition or no condition), I'd be suspect -- especially if well enough to work the two days before. I think he was probably confused and wondering how you would know days in advance that you'd need a sick day that day. (I'm not saying you DIDN'T know - I'm saying as a supervisor, it can be tough to understand when a person says they'll probably have to call in sick a few days in advance unless it's for scheduling a doctor's visit or something. He may need a greater understanding of your condition and your needs.)

It's possible you need to sit down and explain things to him so he understands. I have bosses who have asked me to work with the flu b/c, well, I have the sort of job where I am sometimes indispensible. I'm not sure what you do, but there have been PLENTY of times I've had to work when I was really, really sick. I'm not saying it was right, but it happens. My bosses didn't like having to ask me, but we had to do what was necessary to get the work done for our clients. I sure didn't like it and completely understand why you're angry and upset about it. I was, too, when it happened to me. I think you have every right to be upset.

I'd try to find some time (preferably after the holiday when things have calmed down, but now if you feel it's more appropriate) to have a sit down with your boss to explain a little bit more about your health issues. I'm not saying you have to give him tons of information you don't want to share, but you do need to explain it better so that he understands that there are times you cannot work. (And honestly, if you're so ill that you cannot work, then call in on that day and say so. He probably was confused b/c you said "I might need to call in sick tomorrow, not sure" and he was asking you not to if at all possible for you to work. It might not be what anyone wants to hear, but it's not that uncommon of bosses either. I know you were trying to do the right thing by giving him a heads up, but if you are so sick today that you cannot work, call in anyway -- and leave at home contact information if you have to / are able to field some calls and emails from home. If it's that bad, by all means call in sick. Seriously!) I think he just needs to understand where you are coming from and be more understanding...

If he's as nice as you say he's always been, then hopefully he'll understand when you try to discuss it with him. Perhaps the stress of the holiday and the end of the month are getting to him. (Is it all the end of your sales year?) Not an excuse, but perhaps an explanation for his uncharacteristic behavior.

Now... FEEL BETTER! If you did go in today, I hope you can get your stuff done and get home EARLY to rest. If it gets to be too much for you, DEFINITELY tell him you need to leave because you are ill. Then go home and get the rest you need.

I hope you're feeling better soon and are able to get your boss to understand!

Message edited 12/21/2007 9:02:25 AM.

Re: Really angry - need advice

Honestly, I think maybe he might need to be educated on your condition. I know a bit about the illness and I really don't think anyone can ever gauge the severity of it unless they do a little research. I also agree with the poster who said that you should call in sick when you have to instead of giving him an option. I know that if you feel sick and continue to exert yourself, you are setting your self up for a major relapse that could put you out of commission for a while. Its just not worth it.
Feel better soon and stay warm!!

Re: Really angry - need advice

Posted by MrsF519

Honestly, I think maybe he might need to be educated on your condition. I know a bit about the illness and I really don't think anyone can ever gauge the severity of it unless they do a little research. I also agree with the poster who said that you should call in sick when you have to instead of giving him an option. I know that if you feel sick and continue to exert yourself, you are setting your self up for a major relapse that could put you out of commission for a while. Its just not worth it.
Feel better soon and stay warm!!

Re: Really angry - need advice

Posted by Kara

Posted by MrsF519

Honestly, I think maybe he might need to be educated on your condition. I know a bit about the illness and I really don't think anyone can ever gauge the severity of it unless they do a little research. I also agree with the poster who said that you should call in sick when you have to instead of giving him an option. I know that if you feel sick and continue to exert yourself, you are setting your self up for a major relapse that could put you out of commission for a while. Its just not worth it.
Feel better soon and stay warm!!

Agreed -- and you're also going to give your boss the impression that it's not as serious as it is. I know that sounds awful, but if you wind up showing up anyway and working when you said you should be home, he may stop taking you as seriously, and that would NOT be good for your health!

Re: Really angry - need advice

Thanks..I know the sick day in advance sounds weird, but I can tell when I have a flare up coming on, and I knew I wasn't going to last until the weekend without rest. I came in Wed since we had a meeting, Thursday since we had interviews, but since Friday nothing was going on, I thought it would be a good day. I was completely correct about how long i could last without collapsing, I was losing concentration all day yesterday, by the time I got home from work I really collapsed from fatigue and pain and had to just get in bed. Today I am completely wrecked, if today were a work day I'd have absolutely no choice about the sick day, I'm struggling walking, let alone driving 30 miles each way. It sounds suspicious, but it isn't, the only reason I've gone so long without a debilitating, months long major flare up, is that I have learned to gauge when my body is telling me it needs rest, and I've also finally learned to set limits.

I feel like complete crap and I'm angry with my boss, my immature co-worker, and myself for trying to be considerate and giving advance notice, and for even going in yesterday!

Re: Really angry - need advice