Ready to give up...

For any of you who have been following it, you know that due to the complications Emily had after she was born we weren't able to try breastfeeding in the hospital right away -- she was in the NICU unit the whole time -- and when we did try it we had nurses all over the place and it was just frustrating. It didn't get any better when we got home, and I sought out help from LLL leaders -- both my mom and then another leader because my mom was driving me crazy -- and it just never happened.

Now I have been pumping for the past 3 weeks and Emily is getting my milk through bottles -- and we are supplementing with formula because I'm probably able to pump about 15 oz a day and she eats more like 25 oz a day. I am taking brewer's yeast as a supplement to try and increase my milk supply but honestly I haven't seen any increase since I've been taking it and it's been almost a week.

I'm at the point where I just want to give up! When we do give her formula it's just so easy. You mix it up, just keep it in the fridge for the day and it's ready to go. I feel like when she's sleeping I'm pumping, cleaning bottles, sterilizing everything, plus trying to get everything else done -- it's just so time consuming.

I know that if I do give up the pumping first of all my mother will be so hurt by it because breastfeeding is so important to her. I feel like I should just continue doing it because it's better for Emily -- but at the same time I am getting to the point where I just don't want to have to devote so much time to sitting there each day pumping. Half the time she wakes up mid-pump and I have to clean it all up then go get her, change her, feed her -- and I don't even get another chance to pump until hours later.

I don't know if I should give up or keep trying...I don't think anyone will have "answers" to tihs because it's just a personal issue I'm having, but I just needed to get it off my chest because I'm debating it in my mind and it's driving me a lil batty.

-Melissa

Re: Ready to give up...

Have you thought about seeing a licensed lactation consultant? It has helped me so much. My supply isn't 100% yet and it may never be because I don't have enough mammory glands but I have more than doubled my supply in just a few weeks.

The first thing she had me do was rent a hospital grade pump. She says there is nothing you can buy that even comes close. I rented a Medela Classic.

Then the first step was to pump 8 times a day on top of nursing. Basically she drilled into me that you can't make more milk unless you give away what you have.

Only you know what you are able to handle physically and emotionally. Being a new mom is so hard in and of itself but then to add any kind of complicatons to the scenario just makes it that much harder. I have to say I have good days and bad days and on the bad days I want to throw in the towel and say screw this BFing thing its too much work but I know in the end I'll be mad at myself if I don't at least give it my all before I say its just not going to work.

What were you plans as far as feeding when you went back to work? Is it worth it to keep trying until then maybe?

Good Luck and no matter what you decide you know what's best for your baby and your mom will have to get over being upset.

Re: Ready to give up...

I just wanted to give you some hugs. Make your decision on what is right for you and your baby. Please do not worry about how everyone else is going to feel.

Re: Ready to give up...

As someone that decided not to breastfeed after a week of hell after Jack was first born, I just wanted to tell you that it is 100% ok to go to all formula if that is what you feel is best for you and the baby and your sanity. Breastfeeding is not for everyone and I think that there is enormous pressure today to breastfeed and if it is something that is just not right for you then you are not a bad mom, your child will not be sickly or have a lower IQ than those kids that were breastfed. Its ok. Do what makes you happy and comfortable.

Re: Ready to give up...

You have to what's best for you and your baby. I know you want to please your mother however your sanity and the baby is what comes first.

My brother is a pediatrician and he kept insisting that I must breastfeed for a year. I wanted to do that so much b ut after 10 days of me being fustrated and making myself crazy that I had to breastfeed, I came to the realization that it just was not for me...

My brother understood that although he knows that breastfeeding is very important he certainly understood that I had to do what is best for me and the baby.. I mean he sees it all the time in his practice.

Just remember any amount of time that you do breastfeed is better than nothing at all. And alot of us were formula fed and we turned out ok...

Re: Ready to give up...

I had a similiar problem with Andrew, he did not latch until he was 8 weeks old! It was the very day I was ready to throw in the towel! I breast fed/supplemented with formula for 9 mths. I stoped BFing when I went back to work. Andrew, had diffculities with feeding b/c he was also premature 35.0 wks. I have no great advise for you, but you have to do what works for you. I would recommend pumping and giving her breastmilk in the bottle just for the health benefits, especially since she's a premmie and we're approaching cold/RSV season. But, as I mention before you do what works for you and your family.

Keep us posted. I remember how frustrating the whole thing was it is soooooo challegening.

Re: Ready to give up...

It is so hard and a very personal decision. If you continue you have to do it because you want to and not your mother. I wound up supplementing too and nursed till about 8 months. When I stopped I think I felt like how you sound. I was afraid that if I continued I would wind up resenting it and the baby, and that is not what I had in mind when I wanted to BF.

Good luck!

Re: Ready to give up...

Do what's best for you. We had problems also and the very time I thought I would give up, things started working. Like everyone else said, make the decision that's best for you and your baby, and don't worry about what others think.

I've been told to try fenugreek (from the health food store - three tablets three times per day) and that is also supposed to help your supply.

Good luck with your decision - do what will make you and your baby happy.

Re: Ready to give up...

I understand where you are coming from. Kaylee was in NICU for a week and i had trouble breast feeding her because of all of the IVs and such that were attached to her. She is 2 monits old and still has not latched. I have thought of giving up so many times but i continue to pump and try to breast feed her as much as she will take. It is always up to her if she is going to latch or not. I pump all the time and yes it gets annoying. I know how you feel. I went to a lactation specialist and they told me to try a nipple guard. Kaylee latched to it right away. Maybe give that a try as a saving grace. You can get them at target. Best of luck. ANy questions feel free to FM me.

Re: Ready to give up...

I BF Damien for 22 months, and am very pro-breastfeeding, but more than that I am a big believer in Happy Mommy=Happy Baby. If you are feeling this way maybe this is the right decision for you and your baby. Only you can decide that. Try not to let the pressure of others reflect what is right for you, and DO NOT for even one second feel bad about it. Good Luck

Re: Ready to give up...

I completely agree with everyone that you need to do what feels comfortable for you and your baby. I am TTC but my DH and I have had the breastfeeding issue. He is very pro breasfeeding. I think formula feeding would be a better choice for me personally but I told him that when we do have a baby I will pump. He is not happy with that either. He does not understand why I do not want to breastfeed. So may things that I read and hear make you feel that if you do not breastfeed you are bad mother and selfish. From what I have heard breatsfeeding takes a huge commitment and I feel that if that is not the best choice for you, how is it best for the baby. Does that make sense?

Re: Ready to give up...

I agree with the majority, do what's best for you and the baby. I gave up on BFing after a couple of weeks. Sometimes it's just not for everybody.