Re-introducing myself

Hi ladies. I'm back.

Forgive me for the long post that is about to follow but this place once brought me a lot of comfort and support and now I have found myself in great need of it again. I haven't posted much on LIF overall since my daughter, mostly bc I don't get much computer time these days. I've been posting under a fake name for the past few months (urmysunshine) over on the TTC & PG after MC board. Here's my story:

DD was born June 2011. She was a first time IUI success under the care of Dr Brenner at LI IVF. DH and I had ttc for over one year with no luck. We turned to Dr. Brenner for some answers and although there was no significant findings, other than a slight morphology issue for DH, we ended up doing a round of clomid and I got pregnant that month through IUI. My pregnancy was very easy and my daughter is PERFECT!!!!

DH and I originally decided to start trying for #2 at the end of this summer. My OB suggested we try on our own for 3 months and if we had no luck, we could just go right back to my RE. We were fine with that. We ended up being "less careful" in May and figured if we got lucky then it would be a great surprise. Well would you believe it - I got pregnant that very first month of not being careful. I was so blown away and at the same time so freaked bc in the back of my mind I really assumed we would be going for an IUI sometime in the Fall. That pregnancy ended up being a chemical. I started spotting and then a couple of days later, full on flow. My OB did a sono and confirmed I was having an early miscarriage. . We were so upset. I felt so cheated. It just didn't seem fair. I never expected to get pregnant on my own, and then I did and it was taken away so quickly.

DH and I knew for sure at that point we were ready for number 2. We decided to try on our own for a couple of months but in the meantime, I set up an appointment for a consult with my RE to get the ball rolling. We did sone bloodwork and DH had another semen analysis. The 3rd month of TTC on our own, 1 week after the consult, I got a BFP!. I called my RE office and they were so great. They did my betas and everything even though I hadn't really even been under their care yet. 2 betas and a sono at 5.5 weeks showed that I was in fact pregnant. Needless to say I was thrilled and at the same time a little worried after the last chemical. But I kept telling myself that chances were it wouldn't happen again. I was wrong. I started spotting last week. I called my RE office and the nurses assured me that what I was describing was normal. It got a little heavier the next day and again they assured me it was fine. Saturday morning at 3am I woke with bad cramps and when I went to the bathroom, I was bleeding. I went to the ER and after 4.5 agonizing hours of waiting, my worst fear was confirmed. I had lost this pregnancy too.

So here I am. I have since been back to my RE. He was so wonderfully sympathetic, supportive and comforting. He checked to make sure that everything was emptying out and I am in the process of making sure my beta goes to negative. We are also doing some blood tests and once my levels are all back to normal, I will be doing a water sono. I am letting him take control here. DH and I know now more than ever that we want another baby. I don't know how I will ever enjoy another pregnancy without being terrified every time I go to the bathroom. But I have a lot of faith in my doctor that he will lead us in the right direction. I have so many questions and doubts going through my mind all day long. I don't know how and if I will ever get over this. I don't think I ever got over the first loss......I just was distracted by the fact that I got pregnant again. Now I feel like I am mourning 2 losses at the same time. And no one really seems to understand. Everyone keeps trying to say supportive things but nothing they say seems right.

Anyhow, that's my story thus far. I contemplated staying under the fake name, but quite frankly, I don't feel like I have anything to hide. And it's just too exhausting trying to pretend. If anyone knows me IRL, I would hope they can respect my privacy and keep what I say on the boards between themselves, myself and the other LIF members.

Thank you for listening (if you got this far - lol) and thanks in advance for the support.

Re-introducing myself

Welcome back. So sorry for your losses. I hope everything works out for you.

Re-introducing myself

Sorry for the struggles you have had. Have you thought about seeing Dr. Kofinas to discuss recurrent pregnancy loss?

Re-introducing myself

I'm so sorry, it never gets easier. I commend you for "coming out of the closet" so to speak. I have been making it my business throughout this process to be as open and honest as I can mainly because the stigma that is associated with miscarriage and IF drives me absolutely batty. Especially since so many women deal with it, and, not for nothing, but I feel like there is a higher instance of it here in the LI area than other places, since I would swear our IF/MC instance rates are higher than what I read in all the research I've done.

I know it's hard, but have such good feelings for you going forward. I wish you luck in all your efforts with Dr. Brenner.

Re: Re-introducing myself

I'm so sorry for all you have been going through. I wish you the best of luck. May your stay here be short!

Re: Re-introducing myself

wishing you the best of luck!

Re: Re-introducing myself

Re: Re-introducing myself

Ugh, I hope things get better for you. I'm also going through a miscarriage and decreasing betas.

Re-introducing myself

Welcome back and best of luck to you!!!

Re: Re-introducing myself

Re: Re-introducing myself

I am so sorry. Best of luck to you