Random question about being offered hand me downs...

I have a few friends who keep offering me things they have used for their babies... swings, play mats, bouncy seats and other random assorted baby items I know nothign about yet... being this is our first baby I really kind of want to register for all new things. I have a big family and I'm pretty sure I'll get a lot of stuff that I need at the baby shower and then anything we don't get, DH and I kind of just want to buy new ourselves.

I don't know if this is right or wrong of me to feel this way but I just don't know how to go about telling them I appreciate it but I want to get new things for my first LO. Is it wrong to say "Oh, that is so generous of you but I know a lot of my aunts and cousins have already started talking about buying some of these things so maybe you can help me fill in some "blanks" after the baby shower with." I know they're just trying to be helpful so I feel bad thinking this way. Am I terrible?

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Some things you might want to have multiples of, especially if your baby will spend some time at their grandparents' house or aunt's house.

My parents watch DS full time, and we had to buy duplicates of everything, including a crib, changing table, swing, stroller, car seat, high chair, bouncy seat, etc.

If you have a house with multiple floors, it may be convenient to have a swing, bouncy seat, pack&play, exersaucer etc. on both floors so you're not always running up and down the stairs.


I would let everyone know that you are waiting to see what you are getting for your shower, and that you will let them know if you need anything else. Duplicates are sometimes a blessing!

ETA: Also, as with all hand me downs, always ask if they want the item back when your DC no longer uses it. That's always a sticky point of contention. Most people are just thrilled to get rid of the big baby items and know that they are being used and don't want them back in their attic!

Message edited 8/13/2012 11:53:02 AM.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Im having the same situation with my family/friends. I am just telling people thank you, and that i will see what is still missing after my shower. I want to get whatever i can get NEW for my baby. its hard because i dont want them to feel like im blowing them off, or that i dont want their help, I would just rather pick out the stuff that DH and I pick out.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Not terrible at all far as I'm concerned! I was actually glad with DD that none of my close friends have babies because I don't want hand-me-downs. I know in some circles passing items on is huge and if you're strapped for cash I totally get it but if you know your family is looking forward to getting you new things, then great! I think what you are planning to say sounds fine.

I think it would be worse to just take the items and not use them when they could potentially pass them to a family who really needs them. Used items scare me becuase you don't know how they were treated, there could be recalls you're not aware of, etc. I don't think you need to feel bad about wanting new things for your first baby, I think many women feel this way!

Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Nothing wrong with taking them. We have been offered many items and we are taking most of them so we can keep the used items at my parent's or my MIL's. Saves everyone money so they don't have to buy anything new.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

You're not terrible at all! I would just say something like- oh, thanks but I know (so and so) is buying that for me already.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

When we had our first child I got everything new but I took the hand me downs for my parents house who watch our daughter once I went back to work! It worked out great! especially in the begin when they are infants the stuff is hardly used.

Random question about being offered hand me downs...

I never thought about taking the stuff to have at my parent's house. They won't be watching DS but we do go there quite a bit so it will be nice not having to lug the stuff around.

Thanks ladies!

Random question about being offered hand me downs...

I looooove hand-me-downs! Wish I had your friends around to give me all that great stuff!

But, at the same time, if you don't want them, I am sure they can find others who would so don't feel bad saying no!

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

it is your first, do NOT feel guilty about wanting "new" things but keep in mind, having multiples (for babysitter or grandparents houses etc) is a very good thing!

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Don't feel guilty! ITA with the multiples at your parents! I did get multiples that I left at my parents house and it is awesome! We have an extra crib there, swing, excersaucer, pack and play, and misc toys. It makes life so much easier when we go there. We probably go to my parents 1-2 a week for the day.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

I felt the same way with my 1st also. I wanted all new, but as a BTDT I wish I had shopped around more. Having new isn't as great as I thought lol. I would ask them what they like about the certain item. If it's something you're going to register for anyway I say take it. Like a swing. If it's just an older model of the same swing take it. There are plenty of things to register for, and if you can get hand me downs for the big stuff you could focus your registry more on things you'll need later like baby proofing, a conv. car seat, and so on. Things like swings, jumpers, and exasaucers are all the same just newer patterns. This is JMO though.

To clarify...you should not feel bad to want new things, but if your kid hates the swing you may be glad you got a hand me down and someone didn't spend $140 on one for you.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Posted by maymama

it is your first, do NOT feel guilty about wanting "new" things but keep in mind, having multiples (for babysitter or grandparents houses etc) is a very good thing!

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

honestly,

my sister gave me PNP - we ended up keeping it at IL's house for when they'd watch ds durring nap time if we went to a movie.

my boss gave me some toys - again great for inlaws.

my BFF gave me a snap and go( its not an exciting gift, but saved me $60 that I could spend on clothes instead).... car seats may also be good for relatives house.

If you don't want stuff then just say your family has already volunteered to buy everything so your going to start fresh, or if your not sure say you'll wait til after you shower to see whats still missing....

I'll always remember my bridal shower, my mother in law and 2 grandmother in laws all chipped in on a ywllow Dyson vacuum.........There was sooo much other stuff I needed that if it had been my baby shower I would have kicked myself.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

When I had my DD my former boss offered bunch of stuff to us but I declined everything other than clothes - some still new . some gently used ( they are very rich and they only dress their kids in high end designer clothes so why not ) 99% of the clothes she gave us over the years still had tags on them so that was great and helped out a lot. I declined everything nicely, I told them thank you but that I had a registry and our family really wants to buy the stuff for DD...
I DID take 1year old bugaboo cameleon stroller they gave us to keep , the stroller was barely used and looked brand new, we used it for 2.5 years and then I sold it .

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

Posted by maymama

it is your first, do NOT feel guilty about wanting "new" things but keep in mind, having multiples (for babysitter or grandparents houses etc) is a very good thing!

Random question about being offered hand me downs...

For me personally, I would take the hand me downs. If I have less things on my registry people will probably get gift cards etc which I would use also. I think it's just a personal preference

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

I'm actually really jealous of your situation. I would take hand me downs in a heartbeat. Of course there is some stuff I want new but I just blew $450 at BBB getting the stuff of my registry that we need before the baby comes that was not gifted to us at our shower. I would have been more than happy to take someone's seconds! I agree with the pp's that said to take it for your parents house.

Re: Random question about being offered hand me downs...

honestly for my first i got a lot of hand me downs and i took all of it..and with two kids i continue to take whatever hand me downs i get...i think of it like this: if i dont like certain things i will donate them and the things i do i will use ....things like dresses for special events like christmas, birthdays and other holidays i did not use because i feel every child should get those special outfits ....and i didnt use any teethers or any real toys specifically for infants that go into the mouth because that didn't sit well with me but other than that toddler toys i kept and so on

my advice is to take what you can get and what you want and dont want to use is your business