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queensgal
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Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
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Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
Crashing here but need to ask new mom's:
Do you find that you invite over your friends to see/meet your baby, or do you expect people to more or less invite themselves?
On one hand, I understand new moms are very busy and not always up for hosting big get togethers, but with other friends, I have always been invited or encouraged to stop by. Not to make a big deal but at least for an hour to meet the baby (and I always bring gifts :)
I ask because I have a friend I grew up with (we were bridesmaids for each other) - lives 2 hours away but I go to NJ all the time, and have never been invited to her house or to meet her babies (twins). They are 8 months old now. My mom is best friends with her mom and lives nearby and has never seen them either.
Do you think she is waiting for me to ask when can I see them? Or is that rude, I feel like I should be invited as I don't want to impose.
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Posted 11/19/10 8:52 PM  |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
As a new mom I was overwhelmed so it wasn't at the top of my priority list to invite people but it meant a lot to have people come by to meet my child. I remember who did and who did not.
The way I feel...if you want to be there you will ask to come. I shouldn't have to ask. I do the same in return...I ask to be there and ask what time/day works until something is set.
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| Posted 11/19/10 8:57 PM |
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summerBaby10
let's be nice
Member since 9/07 10208 total posts
Name:
Wifey
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
As a new mom, I was always exhausted, unshowered, hungry, sore, emotional. I hated when pepole invited themselves over. I wish people would have asked me to let them know when I was ready to have guests to let them know when to come over.
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| Posted 11/19/10 9:55 PM |
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cityandbeachmom
Vineyard hopping time
Member since 6/10 1821 total posts
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Suffer the pain of discipline,
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
This is why I was ok with hospital visitors from my extended family and friends to come see me (bloated and all). I got to see most of them in the hospital and only a few others came to my house.
Actually I wasn't calling anyone to say "Come see my baby". I expected people to call and say "when is it a good time for us to come over?".
The ones that annoyed me were the ones that insisted on one day and time without seeing if it was ok with me. (In my case-this is after an episiotomy as I am exhausted beyond belief, gushing lochia and sitting on a doughnut and breast feeding...Of course I will tell you when it is good for me.)
However...
The only ones annoyed me MORE were the ones who never made an effort to see the baby and then felt offended that I never "invited them to visit and see the baby." Personally I wasn't in the mood to be going down my phone book to call beyond my immediate family and hosting people or set up arrangements. I wasn't thinking of anyone else other than me and DH after I gave birth. So someone tallying my ettiquette after birth irked me.
Well that is my story. My best advice to you, is to call the mom and show your interest in seeing the child and give her the chance to say when it is a good time for her and if it coincides with your schedule, great. If it doesn't don't be pushy (think of my graphic example above). Call another time to see if you can make arrangements again. Just show some interest and reach out. Chances are the woman is not in the mood. Good luck!
Message edited 11/19/2010 11:34:32 PM.
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| Posted 11/19/10 11:31 PM |
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queensgal
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Member since 4/09 3287 total posts
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
Thanks.
There is a lot more to this story than what I originally posted, but just wanted to keep it short.
I did try to come by and we had set plans but then she canceled (I understand, no problem). I have called her and spoken to her and even said I would love to meet them. She says yeah sure but then doesn't respond with when are you available or here's what works for me - that is why I don't feel "invited" or even welcome as I always have with other friends. I'm not expecting a big invite or anything but it is just an odd situation I guess.
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| Posted 11/20/10 8:14 AM |
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Octobermom
LIF Adult
Member since 1/09 972 total posts
Name:
Anna Maria
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
I think its up to friends and family to invite themselves. I also remember who came and who didn't come to see my baby.
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| Posted 11/20/10 8:22 AM |
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8ternity
<3
Member since 11/08 10586 total posts
Name:
Formally NYPD-Wife
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
With me Most of the time people asked to come by.
I think you should call her and say "hey I would love to come and see you and the babes let me know when is a good weekend" and that way you acknowledged her and you did your part.
I have a good friend who still hasn't called me (DD is 7+ weeks) or asked to come by and see the baby she is or was a good friend she was in my bridal party and we grew up together...honestly it hurts that she didn't even call me.
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| Posted 11/20/10 8:26 AM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
Im still overwhelmed with a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I was more worried about making sure they got what they needed and I got what I needed before extending invitations. My home is still a mess between a semi-recent move and 2 kids' worth of stuff all over the place. Im sure its nothing personal. I know my organization skills went out the window along time ago. Call her and ask her for a visit. You will get a good feeling of what she is capable of when you speak with her.
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| Posted 11/20/10 8:52 AM |
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jgl
Love my little boys!!!
Member since 8/07 7060 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
People called me and askednif they culd come see the
Baby. Ive always called/texted friends to see when i could come to see their babys.
The last thing I wanted to worry about after having a baby is inviting people.
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| Posted 11/20/10 8:56 AM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
Posted by queensgal
I did try to come by and we had set plans but then she canceled (I understand, no problem). I have called her and spoken to her and even said I would love to meet them. She says yeah sure but then doesn't respond with when are you available or here's what works for me - that is why I don't feel "invited" or even welcome as I always have with other friends. I'm not expecting a big invite or anything but it is just an odd situation I guess.
You are doing the right thing by continuing to ask  and please don't get too upset by her lack of response.
She's dealing with a lot and while you have a had different experience with other friends it's important to be sensitive to the fact that not everyone jumps into motherhood the same way. Some people deal with depression and some people are so overwhelmed by he complete change that is taking place that they are just trying to get through day by day. Lack of sleep is a seriously debilitating situation for many of us. I had such a hard time giving up control of my life and trying to make my way through each day so completely exhausted.
If she's a friend...be one to her now. Push past the way you feel and try to be sympathetic to her. You'll be a better friend if you do...if you don't take this personal and just continue to try to make time. Tell her that you really want to see the baby and that you don't want her to think you don't...but also tell her that if it's too much too fast you'll understand too. Give her the opportunity to tell you. If after those efforts she shuts you out...that's a different story.
When I had my miscarriage I had a friend that called the house and left a message to call her back. I didn't...I couldn't. I was in pain both emotional and physically. She was beyond offended and shot off a horrible e-mail that completely ended our friendship. What she failed to understand was that at that time I was in a bad place, I was in pain, I was hurting...it was MY time...not hers. I needed my friends and what I needed from them was to be there from afar. To offer support unconditionally and to take their own initiative to help. I couldn't tell them what I needed because I didn't know short of wanting my pregnancy back what would make things better. In the end it was time...but she didn't stick around long enough for that. So I was left wondering...were we ever REALLY friends at all.
Don't let that happen to you...it's sad.
Sorry to ramble and go off course but I see your pain in your words but don't want you to lose a friendship over something like this. Be there for her even if from afar and be honest...you'll come to see this through her eyes and it may very well change things for the both of you.
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| Posted 11/20/10 9:06 AM |
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Re: Question for Moms - Visiting to see the baby
People asked me when they could come see the baby. I didn't really invite anyone
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| Posted 11/20/10 9:15 AM |
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