Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

DH and I were at a dinner dance this past Saturday night and we got to talking with one couple. The discussion of schools came up- the girlfriend was telling us how her parents transferred her from Longwood schools to Mercy (a private Catholic school in Riverhead grade 7-12) and she was shocked at some of the things that went on there (not to say it doesn’t/didn’t at other schools) but was more prevalent – things such as cocaine use at the high school level and marijuana and sex at the 7th and 8th grade level. DH hears this and says “We’re not sending Troy there.” The girl asks where we live, and when we say Riverhead she says “Send him to Riverhead schools.” To which DH says no, b/c he feels (and know people who work in the schools) there are issues there too, and get worse in the higher grades. DH says we’ll move and send him to Shoreham-Wading River schools, and the girlfriend says “There just as bad as Mercy.”

All this scares me, but I know it’s the way of the world (right or wrong) in many schools. I went to high school in Rockville Centre (South Side) and while there were drinking parties “hosted” by kids in my class, I was not part of that crowd. As well, if any other things (drugs) went on, I was NOT aware as I was not part of that crowd.

Over the past few months we’ve been talking about where we’ll send Troy – catholic school, charter school or public school.

How “bad” are these schools? How can we find out?? Does anyone know about Riverhead schools versus Shoreham-Wading River?

Being a parent is so tough! How did my parents do it? I drank once maybe twice in high school, didn’t try marijuana until I was 22 (which I did 1 time and that was it). And my brother never drank til he was 21 and never smoked (anything) ever!

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

"Back in the Day" (I graduated in 1990), everyone in Riverhead High School knew that if you wanted easy drugs and/or $ex, you went to Mercy.... RHS wasn't pristine by a long shot, but no where near as bad as Mercy. I don't know how it is now, though. I personally knew pretty much all the drug dealers/users in RHS, and it wasn't that bad, IMO. Again, a lot has changed in 20 years, so I can't speak for today.

Bad things are everywhere, so it's important to teach DC to stand up for themselves and what they know is right. I never took drugs, even though I had easy access, because I knew I didn't want to. Nobody pressured me, either, because they knew I wouldn't cave in.

I grew up in Wading River, on the RHS side, but I knew a lot of people who went to SWR, since they were physically nearby,and in a lot of non-school activities with me. 20 years ago, SWR had a lot of rich kids, with lots of access to money and drugs.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

TBH, that is all "chatter" to me. Shoreham is a GREAT school (I don't know anything about Riverhead). I went to Miller Place, and Shoreham was our rival, and I've seen the school and it is very nice.

I really, really feel that school is what you make of it too, you have a FABULOUS school and kids who still get in trouble and a "crappy" school which has kids who go to Harvard

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

Posted by KateDevine

I really, really feel that school is what you make of it too, you have a FABULOUS school and kids who still get in trouble and a "crappy" school which has kids who go to Harvard

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

A friend of mine was a Principal in Shoreham/Wading River, and had wonderful things to say about the district. They have some very innovative programs, and an excellent special ed. program. Another friend who taught in Riverhead hated it, and commented often on the gangs, but I do believe that students can be successful anywhere.

ETA: Out of those choices I would move to Wading River.

Message edited 5/25/2010 11:27:52 AM.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

I will never send my kid to a private school of either the catholic, jewish faith. I know too much about them. I hate to generalize but I have yet to see any of these type of schools handle the issues of drug sex and alcohol in upper-middle class kids, effectively.

I have been to, taught at, etc, and even attended in the 80's. The school I went to was corrupt and psychologically damaging especially since I was the youngest in the class having been skipped 2 grades for the stupid reasons, such as impressing my parents so that they would keep me in the school. We had to have a child psychologist come to talk to us about sex in the 6th grade because *things* where going on. Can you imagine, I was 8 and had to deal with that kind of reality.

I find that kids are more well rounded from public school exposure, and have a better grasp of reality. We hope to just always be in neighborhoods with good public schools and supplement it with additional home instruction to keep our kids education globally equivalent for their age.

eta: eh, sorry not really about school system, I'm just venting off something my SIL just said to me ... I know out of context, sorry

Message edited 5/25/2010 11:45:27 AM.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

My sister and I went to Massapequa High School, it's suppose to be one of the better school districts. Yah, they have great academics and sports programs but kids were coming to school high when I was in the 8th grade and my sister graduated in 06' and two kids from her graduating class died of a heroin OD. The teenage pregnancy rate is almost zero, unlike Amityville, the district I live in now which is super high, but because most of girls were getting pregnant and getting abortions.
I live in South Amityville now, and the district has a horrible reputation. Most of the kids who live in South Amityville go to St. John the Baptist. All of my husbands friends went there, my husband went to Amityville because his parents couldnt afford private and let me tell you, out of all his friends, he is the one with his life together. He doesnt talk to half of his friends because they got into crazy drugs at high school, and all come from very well to do families. Most had to drop out of college because they couldnt handle the freedom and ended up only drinking.
I subbed at Levittown, which is probably in the middle of these two districts, and junior girls would make fun of this girl every single day... BECAUSE SHE WAS A VIRGIN! I wanted to vomit.

My point is.... it's how you raise your kids. And honestly, after my experience at Massapequa, that didn't prepare me for the real world. I think I was the only one who didn't live in a mansion, and there were only white people there... how is that preparing kids for what they will experience in the world? Amityville may have its problems and my husband and I have discussed private and public schools extensively seeing as no one in our "south of merrick bubble" sends their kids to public school, but I feel that my kid would be better off going to public, that's just my opinion though

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

My cousins went through Shoreham-Wading River and my youngest cousin is currently in 10th grade there. My aunt works in the schools. I would imagine it has it's problems like any other district but NOTHING like Riverhead. I've never heard my aunt talk poorly about the school district.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

I went to Commack HS and have to say I was somewhat sheltered there. Yes there were drugs and I did "experiment" around 16 but never anything "hard" We partied, had fun and drank but most of my HS friends and aquaintances are successful.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

This is my everyday struggle right now

I don't know what to do about a house or school districts. This sux

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

I know nothing about either school district you are comparing. However when it comes to picking a school district part of it is a crap shoot because things can change a lot in the years your child will be in the school. Also what one person considers a "good district" may be very different from what you personally value.

I went to Massapequa High School after growing up in a very diverse area of Queens. Massapequa is considered a very good district but I felt drugs were out of control and there was no diversity. I know many people who grew up there and will live no where else. It just wasn't the right place for me. Diversity in a school district was important to me. Of course things like sports, acedmics and a sense of community matter as well. I also wanted to be in a specific area of Long Island. Right now I am pleased with our choice especially as I meet more people with children in the district. My daughter is only two, so who knows what it will be like or my opinion will be when the time comes.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

honestly I think parents are wayyyy to hands off and want to be "friends" with their kids first before parents... they don't want to hear the dreaded " i hate you" from their kids, so they give the kids a long leash to hang themselves with.

When I was growing up (went to Massapequa) my mother was ALL OVER ME... calling other parents before I went over to make sure they were home, checking and double checking on me, etc.

there were no "parent sponsored parties" that I was allowed to go that served alcohol..

there were no trips with my friends by myself...

I think lately, people think that since kids have cell phones that you don't to be all over your kids.

Bad crap is EVERYWHERE.... i think this whole thing is a function of lazy parenting... AND I think the mindset of, "well, it's a good district so I don't have to be all over my kid" is BS too.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

I think its naive to think that drugs and sex are only in "bad" districts. I went to Bayport, and could probably at this minute get a dimebag and an 8ball of coke if I wanted. When I was in School (grad in 93) there were kids having sex in Jr high. Shocking, yes. I think its inevitable that kids are going to drink, try drugs and fool around. I also think being a good parent and keeping on top of your child will also help them to make the correct decisions. Im not going to say my child will never drink, or smoke a fatty. I am ready for that. But with our guidance, I feel it wont be in excess, but more to try and say he did it. JMO

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

Well, I can tell you from my DH's experiences that just cause you send your child to private (aka Catholic School) it doesn't prevent drugs/sex/etc. My DH did far worse stuff than me in HS and he went to Catholic HS.

I think you have to do what you find is best and hope with the proper upbringing and knowledge, your child will make smart choices.

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

Re: Question about schools (stems from a discussion had this weekend)

I know that putting our child into a private school does not shelter him/her from sex/drugs/etc. But I feel like we’re trying to choose the lesser of two evils. I know that we will do our best as parents to guide him, keep him on the straight and narrow and keep him on a short leash but at the same time, I know kids will be kids. I know that as much as I dig, poke, pester, question, etc he could still capable of being “bad.” Peer pressure of varying degrees is out there- and I’m not saying a good school district has less, but different.

If Troy were enrolled in school today, our choices would be Riverhead Public school, St. Isidore’s, or Riverhead Charter school. Who knows what the high schools will be like when he gets there. I do not want to short change him with prospects and opportunities either.

Katie- Troy doesn’t even start Kindergarten until 2012 and I’m worrying about this!