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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
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Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
how would you feel if you bought your sibling a gift every year and they never gave one to you? not only that, but they didn't even give you a wedding gift!
DH has 2 brothers, 1 is awesome the other is a train wreck (and that's being kind!). the train wreck never gave us a wedding gift and DH keeps sending him Christmas gifts and never even receives so much as a card.
So yesterday while at the outlets, he mentioned needing to buy gifts for both his brother. I was like  are you freakin KIDDING ME?! He said it makes him feel good, that's why he does it.
I have 2 sisters and stopped exchanging with 1 of them when she stopped sending me gifts. it didn’t make feel good at all, quite the opposite. It made me feel like she didn't give a crap about me, so I stopped sending her a gift.
Just curious how you would feel about this.
Message edited 12/4/2006 9:30:02 AM.
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Posted 12/4/06 9:15 AM  |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Your DH sounds like a really good person with a really big heart. Clearly he has a soft spot for the one brother and maybe feels bad for him. Sounds like he just doesn't want to give up on his brother and perhaps he's okay not receiving anything...just wants to give.
Now personally...this would drive me crazy and I am not one for it. If they don't want to exchange or can't afford to exchange I am all for letting that go and just sending a card to let them know we are thinking of them.
I understand how you feel but since this is family it'll probably be a losing battle. 
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:39 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
let this one go. This doesn't sound like it's a fight you will win. He obviously feels the need to do it. And, I think it probaby makes his mother happy. I like giving gifts too and really don't expect anything back, but that would drive me a little nutso. This just may be one thing you have to deal with.
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:45 AM |
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JenniferEver
The Disney Lady
Member since 5/05 18163 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
If it makes him feel good (which as they say is the true spirit of giving although I definitely understand how you feel in this situation... ) then you have to let him keep doing it, but maybe you can just keep it to a strict limit on how much to spend.
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:47 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Posted by Blu-ize
let this one go. This doesn't sound like it's a fight you will win. He obviously feels the need to do it. And, I think it probaby makes his mother happy. I like giving gifts too and really don't expect anything back, but that would drive me a little nutso. This just may be one thing you have to deal with.
it's not a fight, it was just me being stunned that he would go through the trouble year after year of picking something thoughtful out, pay for it, wrap it (well, I'm the wrapper), and ship it to him. he doesn't even send a card or say thank you  that p*sses me off to no end. he is a grown man, in his 40's!
ETA: just wanted to add that it's not a money issue for his brother. he just bought a brand new Acura and he's in the process of buying a house. he's just thoughtless.
Message edited 12/4/2006 9:53:29 AM.
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:50 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
if it makes him feel good to do it - there's no issue
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:52 AM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
I agree with some of the other posters. You have to pick and choose your battles. It's only once a year, it's not like he's sending this guy gifts every other day.
I'm not going to say it wouldn't drive me crazy or that you need to understand. I would say that as long as he stays within reason, and isn't buying him $200 gifts, I'd let him away with it.
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| Posted 12/4/06 9:58 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Posted by LaurenExp
I agree with some of the other posters. You have to pick and choose your battles. It's only once a year, it's not like he's sending this guy gifts every other day.
I'm not going to say it wouldn't drive me crazy or that you need to understand. I would say that as long as he stays within reason, and isn't buying him $200 gifts, I'd let him away with it.
I hear what you're saying, and the gifts he buys him are not extravagant. It's not that though, it's just the whole thoughtlessness of it, you know? It's like I feel bad for him when it's not even acknowledged, let alone reciprocated.
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:02 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
I hear ya. I tread lightly when it comes to DH's family though. I know there are family things that I wouldn't want DH to weigh in on or get involved in, because he doesn't have the history I do with my family. So I try to do the same and restrict my involvement - especially if it's something negative.
That said, I'd feel the same way if it was my situation. Especially considering this is a grown man with no immediate excuses for his behavior.
Is he married? If someone bought my DH a gift and he didn't think to reciprocate, I would probably take care of it for him. Or at least make him do it. 
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:12 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Posted by greenfreak
Is he married? If someone bought my DH a gift and he didn't think to reciprocate, I would probably take care of it for him. Or at least make him do it.
he lives with his long term girlfriend and her teenage daughter.
and I agree w/you. if someone sent something to DH, I would be on his azz to reciprocate, or I would just do it for him.
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:14 AM |
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Maathy317
Grammie's Little Man
Member since 2/06 3235 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
If it makes him feel good to do this, then let him. He sounds like a person who gets a great deal of pleasure from making someone happy. IMO, he is an awesome guy. You're very lucky.
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:31 AM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
How does he get the present to him? Do you all get together? Would you mention it to her, say "I hope you all liked the <insert present name here>. I wasn't sure when <insert husband's name here> picked it out that you would be able to make use of it." or something like that?
Sounds like his brother isn't thoughtful enough. But maybe she is, if they've been together a while and she's becoming part of the family?
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:31 AM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
My brother NEVER gives me a gift. Birthday, Christmas and even my wedding. I send him gifts and my Nephew gifts every year.
Christmas is the time for giving. IMO
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:33 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Posted by Maathy317
If it makes him feel good to do this, then let him. He sounds like a person who gets a great deal of pleasure from making someone happy. IMO, he is an awesome guy. You're very lucky.
well I can't disagree with that  I am very lucky indeed 
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:34 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Posted by greenfreak
How does he get the present to him? Do you all get together? Would you mention it to her, say "I hope you all liked the <insert present name here>. I wasn't sure when <insert husband's name here> picked it out that you would be able to make use of it." or something like that?
Sounds like his brother isn't thoughtful enough. But maybe she is, if they've been together a while and she's becoming part of the family?
both his brothers live in the Dallas suburbs. so we hardly see either one. we ship the gifts.
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:36 AM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: Opinions needed regarding giving and receiving Christmas gifts
Tis the season to give and not recieve. My grandma got my cousin's fiancee a Tiffany Necklace and she will send me $20. Whatever, I will still get her a nice gift because she is going to croak soon.
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| Posted 12/4/06 10:36 AM |
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