opening gifts at a party

I never let DC open gifts at a party for many different reasons. Anyway, at DS's first birthday, BIL and SIL brought DD a small gift for her (at her brother's birthday). At the start of the party they gave it to her and wanted her to open it. I said that it would be best if she opened it later or at home. They got really upset and angry, and are still angry, 2 months later. They said they spent a lot of time picking out the gift and wanted to see the look on her face etc etc. I explained numerous times that - a) I didn't want her distracted with a present at the start of her brother's party (she would have been playing with it all day and I wanted her engaged with the musician, which she was) and b) I didn't want DS to get jealous. And he does, and then they fight. They are VERY close in age. Aside from that, other people had bought DD presents too and this is my rule. She thinks my rules are crazy and started a huge crazy attack over this. I would have invited them over after the party to give it to her, but after that incident she didn't talk to me the rest of the party and took the toy home with her AND she was pretty nasty to me at the party and gave me dirty looks AND she talked back to me. After the party she demanded an apology, literally. How would you have handled this? Just curious. This really blew up.

ETA: I had no idea she brought her a gift, they didn't mention anything to me before the party, they just gave it to her and I saw and I nicely said that it would distract her, etc. Also, during the party they literally posed DD (who is only 2) for tons and tons of pics and I could tell she was getting overwhelmed and she is really sensitive and I was afraid she would start to cry and I obv didn't want that so I said "let's just give her a breather she's getting overwhelmed" and SIL says loudly "NO SHE'S NOT." After all this, she texts DH and DEMANDS and apology from me...?? I am confused. They are going through some medical issues and I am trying to be very sympathetic to her and always have been but I feel like she is taking everything out on me! I was never anything but nice.

ETA- put this on relationship board -I think it's more fitting there. Thank you

Message edited 7/8/2013 2:54:57 PM.

Re: opening gifts at a party

I think she behaved like a child, especially the taking the toy back part! I understand all your reasons for not wanting her to open the present at that time, I also understand them wanting to see her open the gift too. At the end of the day you are her mother and the party host and it's your rules. Next time perhaps tell them at the start that she can open presents after the party is over and the other kids have gone home.

opening gifts at a party

You did nothing wrong. They are personalizing this when its not personal. I have a family member like this and i find she is like this because she takes it as a personal attack that i am raising my dd different than the way she has raised hers. So she thinks if im doing something different therefore its better and therefore shes a bad mom because she didnt do itm so everything gets personalized.
I dont know your sil but def sounds angry. And maybe theres somethig else going on.