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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend- Update in Original Post
My best friends mom passed away yesterday after a battle with cancer. I speak to my bf every day and we are very close. I found out about her mothers passing yesterday evening and my intention was to go see her -- she was with her husband and her family and extended family at her parents house --- my husband thought that I should let her grieve with her family first and not go see her last night.
Im not sure what the proper etiquette was but I opted not to go see her but rather spent a good while on the phone with her. I am planning on going to see her after work today---
Im not sure that I did the right thing by not going to see her yesterday or that going to see her today is the right thing for that matter. What is the proper etiquette in this situation? Do you go to your friend/loved ones home to offer condolences immediately after their passing? in the first couple of days following the passing ?or do you give them their privacy until the funeral?
Update: Thank you so much ladies for all of your feedback and FM. It goes to show that everyone needs different things in times of grief- some need space, some need the physical presence of others. Ultimately, when you know someone well enough you can read between the lines and know what to do. I went to see my friend and her family yesterday and I know it was the right thing to do. I think it would have been fine had I gone the first night too but it was fine that I didn't. She did appreciate having me there yesterday though so I am glad that I went. I think really, being there after all the chaos has dissipated is the most important thing. Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts and especially for sharing your personal experiences.
Message edited 9/10/2015 12:53:40 PM.
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Posted 9/9/15 4:25 PM  |
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FDNYWife31
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 1117 total posts
Name:
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Re: Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
I think it depends on the relationship you have with her. If you are that close with her which it sounds like you are then in my opinion you ARE family too. I think she would want to see you.
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| Posted 9/9/15 4:28 PM |
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LuckyStar
LIF Adult
Member since 7/14 7274 total posts
Name:
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
I would go. I consider my best friend to be family.
So sorry for your friend's loss.
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| Posted 9/9/15 4:35 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
I agree with both PP.
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| Posted 9/9/15 4:37 PM |
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Budjeg11
LIF Adult
Member since 4/11 2644 total posts
Name:
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
Thank you ladies! I knew I shouldn't have listened to my husband! lol I will go today!
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| Posted 9/9/15 4:42 PM |
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luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
Honestly, when my mom passed I didn't want to see my BF's at the time. I just wanted to be with my DH and family and be left alone that first day/night. I wouldn't beat yourself up over not going there last night. Sorry for your friends loss!!!
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| Posted 9/9/15 5:13 PM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
When my mom died, it was at home. My DH who was my BF at the time same over helped me take care of what needed to be done. The following day he drove my dad and me to finalize the arrangements. I honestly did not want to entertain others while I was trying to get stuff done, look after my Dad, and keep my own $hit together. I understand others were grieving, but that was what I needed for me and for Dad.
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| Posted 9/9/15 8:22 PM |
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Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!
Member since 12/10 2943 total posts
Name:
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Re: Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
Posted by LuckyStar
I would go. I consider my best friend to be family.
So sorry for your friend's loss.
I feel the same. When my mom died, I called my bf and was talking to her and she kept saying she was coming over and I said no no it's late (it was after 11pm) Don't worry. She drove to my house while I was talking to her. I had no idea until she said I'm standing outside, come open the door.
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| Posted 9/9/15 9:40 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
Posted by FDNYWife31
I think it depends on the relationship you have with her. If you are that close with her which it sounds like you are then in my opinion you ARE family too. I think she would want to see you.
I agree
I am
Sorry for your loss
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| Posted 9/9/15 10:03 PM |
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OffWithHerHead23
Keep passing the open windows
Member since 10/06 3627 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
When my brother died, people descended on my parents house. I appreciated it, but it was overwhelming (to me, at least) at the time, and it was very difficult to get the "stuff" we had to do done (figuring out arrangements, clothes, accommodations for people, etc) with the house so full. That was just my experience.
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| Posted 9/10/15 8:31 AM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
If that was my Mom I would want my BFF there.
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| Posted 9/10/15 8:39 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
It can never be wrong to offer condolences in any fashion to your closest friend. I wouldnt think twice about it.
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| Posted 9/10/15 10:58 AM |
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sameinitials
insert creative comment here
Member since 2/12 1998 total posts
Name:
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Offering Condolonces To a Close Friend
As others have said, it depends on the person/your relationship with them. It sounds like you are super close though. When my grandfather passed a bunch of years ago, my best friend and her then-bf drove across the city to pick me up and then drove me out to LI to the hospital and she came in to give everyone a hug.
Maybe if you aren't sure if she'd want you there, stop by with something (flowers, a meal, whatever) and take it from there. There are probably a lot of calls to make too (especially if she is jewish and is having the funeral asap), so you can offer to help with that.
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| Posted 9/10/15 11:17 AM |
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