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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
my birthday is on easter sunday this year. my family is jewish and DH's is catholic, so DH and i had the idea that both families would come over for dinner and celebrate.
(DH's mom offered to have everyone over her house, but she thought it would only be my parents and my sister, and it turns out my grandparents are coming too, so that wouldn't work out b/c there's not enough room).
DH has a relative that his family sees for all the holidays, and this relative is pretty picky about where he eats - so they never ask him to go anywhere except DH's parents' house or a restaurant near where this relative lives.
well i thought maybe this time he would be okay coming to our apartment - it's not far from DH's parents' house and he knows me pretty well.
nope - i was wrong.
DH tells me today that his parents have decided to go to dinner with this relative at the restaurant near where he lives, and we are on our own with my family for my birthday.
now i'm not saying that my birthday (which is not a big one, i'm only going to be 28) is more important than easter. and i'm not saying that they should "pick me" over this other relative, b/c he's kind of old and set in his ways.
but i have a feeling that if my ILs put their foot down, he would have come to our apartment, and they're just not interested in doing that. not intentionally to hurt me... they just don't think sometimes, you know?
so i'm not really sure how i feel... i mean, i will be with my family, and that's cool, but i can't help but think DH's family doesn't really think of me as FAMILY yet, despite the fact that i've been in their lives for 5 years.
any thoughts?
ETA: spelling
Message edited 3/8/2008 11:54:05 AM.
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Posted 3/8/08 11:53 AM  |
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MikesCutie
May 26, 2007
Member since 12/07 1478 total posts
Name:
Marianne
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Would it be possible for all of them to come to your apartment for dessert? Maybe that would be a good compromise for everyone.
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| Posted 3/8/08 12:04 PM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
I think being that it is your birthday also, they should let the other family member know that and either offer to bring him to your house, or to bring leftovers.
I think if it wasn't an Easter/Birthday combo, it wouldn't be so hurtful
sorry they are making that decision...
p.s. WOW - we are about 1 week apart in our birthdays AND our due dates   
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| Posted 3/8/08 12:05 PM |
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Christine
2nd verse same as the 1st
Member since 5/05 15287 total posts
Name:
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
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| Posted 3/8/08 12:16 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
I agree. Also, I never get to celebrate my birthday on the exact day. There's always some other committment. So, I've decided that birthdays are month long events. I can celebrate on any day in the month.
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| Posted 3/8/08 3:43 PM |
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Salason
♥
Member since 6/05 9878 total posts
Name:
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
yeah i agree with this. actually, we typically dont even spend our bdays with our ILs (like mine with his parents and vice versa) so it personally wouldnt bother me but your situation may be different.
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| Posted 3/8/08 3:52 PM |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
Agree!
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| Posted 3/8/08 3:56 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by MikesCutie
Would it be possible for all of them to come to your apartment for dessert? Maybe that would be a good compromise for everyone.
This is a nice idea. I think they do need to say to the guy (the relative) "c'mon - are you too good for certain houses?" like, that is just silly to say "i will go HERE but i won't go THERE" ya know? that's rude, IMO!
I understand where you are coming from - What does DH think? Does he know how you feel and does he agree or see what you mean? Either way - enjoy your birthday and don't let it get you down too much! 
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| Posted 3/8/08 4:07 PM |
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KLSbear
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 1908 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by june262004
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
Agree!
I'm in agreement here too. Easter with family is a big deal in many Christian homes, and especially if this relative is elderly, they don't want him to be alone or uncomfortable. As mentioned, birthday celebrations are more flexible events in general.
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| Posted 3/8/08 4:08 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by june262004
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
Agree!
I can see this side of it also - from their point of view.
Hmm - but something tells me this relative wouldn't go to their apartment no matter what and that's just not nice.
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| Posted 3/8/08 4:08 PM |
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HoneyBadger
YourWorstNightmare.
Member since 10/06 15979 total posts
Name:
BahBahBlackJeep
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
I wouldn't be hurt or offened you're still celebrating your birthday with your husband and your family, it's just that your ILs can't make it.
Would it have been nice for your ILs to be there? Sure! But the fact of the matter is that Easter is a BIG holiday in the Catholic religion and I can see how they'd want to be sure this relative was not by themself.
Don't sweat it, you'll be with people who love you for your birthday and that's what counts!
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| Posted 3/8/08 5:14 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
I am not sure if it is "wrong" that they are not coming, however I know that I would be offended I take everything personally, If i were you I would just enjoy your day with your family
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| Posted 3/8/08 5:50 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
Posted by june262004
Posted by Christine
From a complete outsider's point of view, I can see where your in laws would want to keep their holiday traditions and not displace or upset a relative they always celebrate holidays with. I don't think it indicates how they feel about you personally but it's a holiday. I am not saying your birthday is not important - I think they are very important - but there's more flexiblility in when you celebrate a birthday then a holiday.
Agree!
I agree. I would also add that celebrating Easter with an elderly relative who may not be around longer & who only has your ILs to celebrate with sounds obligatory. I'm sure they'd love to celebrate Easter/birthday with their son & his wife. I'm sure eating in the same restaurant all of the time isn't a choice they would make.
I could see it more along the lines of you would understand, you have your family around....this relative has no one.
As for the relative refusing to come to your apartment, I don't know what his/her issues are. I think an elderly person who has issues with new places shouldn't be taken out of their element if it's going to be that upsetting.
I would invite them over after they drop the relative off.
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| Posted 3/8/08 6:10 PM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
thanks for all of your responses!
i do appreciate that easter is definitely an important holiday for christians, and i am not expecting them to drop everything b/c it's my birthday.
this relative doesn't really have any other family, and i totally understand them wanting to spend easter with him (he is not religious at all, and neither are my ILs, it's just a tradition in the family to do easter dinner)
DH was just as surprised (and annoyed, too) as i was that his parents didn't put their foot down with him. we knew this might be an issue when we suggested having dinner at our apartment, but my MIL made it sound like it wouldn't be a problem last weekend... it's only today that it became an issue.
the good thing is that they always do dinner early, and this relative likes to be home early, so they will most likely join us for dessert.
i actually wish i could see this relative for my birthday, he's an awesome guy, but i'm not going to miss out on celebrating with my family.
thanks again all!
Message edited 3/8/2008 7:10:08 PM.
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| Posted 3/8/08 7:03 PM |
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KGools
Happy
Member since 9/06 9532 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: not sure if i should be hurt or "offended" - sorry so long and confusing
I wouldn't be pisssed. Maybe after dinner they can stop over for cake. The way I see it, it's probably easier for them to just go with this relative that fight him, KWIM?
As long as YOUR parents are there, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
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| Posted 3/8/08 7:45 PM |
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