not really CIO .. but Ferberizing Question ...

I'm curious as to what is supposed to happen.
If you go back into the room, at intervals, do you pick them up? Or do you do your thing the crib? Rub tummy, whisper?

And what exactly do you do at those intervals? Do you completely soothe? Do you say anything? Do they even hear you?

My DS is too young for this, but he's a tricky one, I always pick him up and do what he needs, he's only 3m. But sometimes he just whines and I try to let him self soothe, but if its been going a while and I come in there, he just smiles at me, I smile back and can't help but pick him up and hug him, and I confess sometimes I'll take him to the play mat and we'll play

I'm not looking for opinions on CIO. Thank you.

Message edited 6/17/2010 3:13:50 AM.

Re: CIO question ...

i dont have answers cuz im wonderimg the same thing

DD is 2 months & it seems like she has fake moments.

when do u start cio?

Re: CIO question ...

Re: CIO question ...

bump

Re: CIO question ...

i would love to see others' responses. dd def gives fake moments and has for a couple months now - she's almost 5 months. in some ways, i think she's really ready for cio (emotionally and developmentally for sure); in others, not so much (crying aggravates her reflux). also, i'm not sure i'm ready - scratch that, i'm def not ready to listen to that. we were going to try it one night and commit and of course that night she woke up screaming bloody murder - crying so much harder than usual - and vomited on herself after a couple minutes of crying. we aborted the mission and aren't quite sure what to do now though she has miraculously been sleeping quite well since this brief incident (up to 12 1/2 hours even ). i have a few more books that i wanted to read before deciding what, if anything, we will do with respect to crying it out though i'm secretly hoping we won't have to do anything at all. dd was born a great sleeper and only became a bad sleeper when her reflux got really bad and we created some bad habits/sleep associations which i've cut out as much as i can.

Re: CIO question ...

IMHO, I think 3m is a little early to let your baby CIO. We just tried starting it this week and my baby is 9.5 (a lil late) months. Each night the crying has gotten less and less, from 36 min, to 20, to falling asleep immediately after his last bottle. So far, I hold him until he is drowsy and put him in his crib with his music on. I don't go back in, it will just start the entire process all over again.

Re: CIO question ...

From a BTDT mom perspective, CIO is done to help a baby self soothe for sleep training purposes only- whether it be for naps or STTN. CIO should not be done until the baby is at the youngest, 6 months old.

From birth to 6 months, the babies need their mommies/daddies and if they are crying, it is because they either need to be changed, fed, are sick, have colic, are too hot/cold, or need to be held. Some old school people will tell you that if you pick up the baby, you will spoil him/her. This is simply not true and numerous studies have been conducted and have shown that leaving a baby under 6 months to cry will have the opposite effect, leading the baby to grow up to be fearful and to have trust issues. Now is the time to hug, kiss and cuddle those little babies, because before you know it, you'll be planning their 1st Birthday parties!

Re: CIO question ...

Re: not really CIO .. but Ferberizing Question ...

We did CIO successfully at five months.

We used the "gradual extinction" method, where you go back in to soothe the baby at increasing intervals. One of us would go in and talk to her calmly for just a couple of minutes. We did NOT pick her up. She would calm down when we first went in, but would get upset when we left, but we stuck it out.

It took us 4 nights. The first time, we had to go in 4 times, but it only took 40 minutes. It was NOT as bad as I thought it would be. After that, we never had to go in more than once.

Although I was tempted to do CIO when DD was younger, because I, too, felt like she was "playing me" at times, I held off because I was afraid 3 or 4 months was too young.

Re: not really CIO .. but Ferberizing Question ...

I feel there is a huge difference between CIO and letting a baby fuss for a few minutes.

With 2 toddlers, I can guarantee this baby will be spending more time fussing than my first ever did. Maybe that's why my first was/is such a crappy sleeper.

We did the extinction method with both my older DDs when they were over 6 months old (closer to 10 mon ths actually).

Re: not really CIO .. but Ferberizing Question ...

Updating - this is what I ended up doing with my 3month old. Not looking for opinions just offering my experience.

At night, I do my usual routine, put him down, even if he's not drowsy. First thing he'll do is fuss. I wait and listen until it gets to a longer moan. Then I go in there, pop a paci, shush and run out. Even if he spits it out. I then listen again, wait for the moan, this time I see, if he lost his paci, I'll wait 1 whole minute. I don't want him to think I'm the paci fairy.
He wants it, he better work to hang on to it. The next time I'll wait a little longer.

If he's moaning with the paci, I let him be, and just wait and listen for the moan to elevate. I let him give out one bit yelp, only then come over and gently put the back of my hand on his cheek, to assure him I'm there, and shush him. The hand on the cheek I think reminds him of when he nursed, I think ... or it may just feel good I don't know.

If at any point it elevates to a cry, where he is really upset and roaring, I run in there pick him and calm him. Believe it or not, I never had to do this, he never cried!

It took about 2 weeks to get him STTN 8 hours consistently.

I never take him out of the crib, but I was prepared to if he got very upset.

If he was older I would have waited longer intervals probably would have let him full out cry for a few minutes.

Re: not really CIO .. but Ferberizing Question ...

We did i at 7 months... and its been heaven ever since!

We do not pick her up in the middle of the night if she is crying... We go in, comfort for about 2 mins... sing a lil song and then leave... This was in the beginning.

Now... I don't even go in, and she goes right back off...

Its amazing how it works.

ETA... I DO GO IN If it is something out of the ordernary to make sure she is ok... AND I do go in and check on her WHILE she is sleeping to make sure she is ok... I just don't let her see me hhaha lol

Message edited 6/23/2010 1:32:53 PM.