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Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

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clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

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Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

If you had a close friendship (talk & text all the time, get together 3x per year) with a long distance friend & you weren't included in the son's baptism, would you be hurt? Or have a "one less obligation " attitude? I have given generous gifts to the baby after birth but I was just taken aback a bit.

I was always told I was "important & special" but if that were true, shouldn't I have been invited? I know $$ is a bit tight for them, but we are only 2 people & they are having about 90 which is the capacity for the venue.

Not the biggest deal but just wanted some feedback. I may not even want to take the 3 hour ride anyway. Lol

I forgot to mention that this person brought it up to me face to face before summer started, indicating the date & time & then had the gall to say "are you coming?"

Message edited 10/16/2023 10:02:59 AM.

Posted 10/15/23 10:30 PM
 
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..

Member since 11/09

54915 total posts

Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Maybe they figured since your so far away they didn't want you to feel obligated to make the trip.
I'd actually be happy to not be invited but that's just me

Posted 10/15/23 10:40 PM
 

tourist

Member since 5/05

10425 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

When I was Godmother to a friend's baby she didn't invite many friends--I think just one besides the 2 of us that were Godparents. She said something about not wanting people to feel obligated.

Then when she had her 2nd, I didn't even know it was happening until after. I was kind of surprised, almost offended, but we are still close (I never mentioned it). I just chose to believe that she didn't want people to feel obligated. I think she just thought of it as more of a family thing.

Posted 10/15/23 11:06 PM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by NervousNell

Maybe they figured since your so far away they didn't want you to feel obligated to make the trip.
I'd actually be happy to not be invited but that's just me


There's one way to look at it & I agree.

Posted 10/16/23 10:03 AM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17785 total posts

Name:

Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

It is odd that she verbally invited you over the summer and then didnt formally invite you but people are strange.

What was your response when she asked you verbally and gave you the date and time? Maybe that has something to do with the lack of a formal invite?

Posted 10/16/23 10:56 AM
 

busymomonli
Resident Insomniac

Member since 4/13

2045 total posts

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Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

I see that as a "one less obligation" win. I am sure she just thought you wouldn't make the trip.

Posted 10/16/23 10:58 AM
 

nycbuslady
LIF Adult

Member since 9/15

1060 total posts

Name:

Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

That's weird in that she asked if you were coming before the invites went out. But then she didn't invite you?

I think what happened was that by the time they were making up the guest list, they realized that it was too many people. So, they figured since you were so far away, it was easier to take you off the list. She probably figured it would be too much to ask you to make the drive.

I could see being a little disappointed, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of the friendship. You've already gifted to the baby, and I think that's enough.

Posted 10/16/23 11:00 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by ali120206

It is odd that she verbally invited you over the summer and then didnt formally invite you but people are strange.

What was your response when she asked you verbally and gave you the date and time? Maybe that has something to do with the lack of a formal invite?



I gave a pleasantly surprised smile & said "ok, nice, sounds great" or something like that.

Posted 10/16/23 11:04 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by busymomonli

I see that as a "one less obligation" win. I am sure she just thought you wouldn't make the trip.



I hear you but I always think the motto is to invite & let them decide.

Posted 10/16/23 11:05 AM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17785 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by clotheshorse

Posted by ali120206

It is odd that she verbally invited you over the summer and then didnt formally invite you but people are strange.

What was your response when she asked you verbally and gave you the date and time? Maybe that has something to do with the lack of a formal invite?



I gave a pleasantly surprised smile & said "ok, nice, sounds great" or something like that.



Then I think it is odd. If she hadnt done that I would have thought it was the distance and one less obligation but since she verbally invited you and you didnt say anything like let me check my schedule, you live 3 hours away, its odd...

Posted 10/16/23 11:07 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by nycbuslady

That's weird in that she asked if you were coming before the invites went out. But then she didn't invite you?

I think what happened was that by the time they were making up the guest list, they realized that it was too many people. So, they figured since you were so far away, it was easier to take you off the list. She probably figured it would be too much to ask you to make the drive.

I could see being a little disappointed, but I wouldn't let it get in the way of the friendship. You've already gifted to the baby, and I think that's enough.



Ok, thank you for this response. I won't let it get in the way. I'm not holding a grudge at all but just felt perplexed & disappointed.

Posted 10/16/23 11:09 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by ali120206

Posted by clotheshorse

Posted by ali120206

It is odd that she verbally invited you over the summer and then didnt formally invite you but people are strange.

What was your response when she asked you verbally and gave you the date and time? Maybe that has something to do with the lack of a formal invite?



I gave a pleasantly surprised smile & said "ok, nice, sounds great" or something like that.



Then I think it is odd. If she hadnt done that I would have thought it was the distance and one less obligation but since she verbally invited you and you didnt say anything like let me check my schedule, you live 3 hours away, its odd...



I didn't say anything about my schedule because I didn't consider it an actual invite. Plus, the conversation took place 4 months ago.

Posted 10/16/23 11:11 AM
 

MyBabyG
LIF Adolescent

Member since 1/15

792 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by busymomonli

I see that as a "one less obligation" win. I am sure she just thought you wouldn't make the trip.



Same. I’d probably just send a card and call it a day.

Posted 10/16/23 1:14 PM
 

LuckyStar
LIF Adult

Member since 7/14

7271 total posts

Name:

Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Did she say you weren’t invited or have you just not gotten an invitation? It would seem really strange for her to give you the info verbally and not send an invite. Is it possible it just got lost in the mail?

Posted 10/16/23 2:17 PM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by LuckyStar

Did she say you weren’t invited or have you just not gotten an invitation? It would seem really strange for her to give you the info verbally and not send an invite. Is it possible it just got lost in the mail?



We actually had a conversation about it and he (the husband) said the room is "only so big, they're not even inviting his cousin(one of my other best friends), super tight budget" and so on. I think they only had room, both in the venue & the budget for the immediate family & friends he grew up with.

So I appreciated the info & said "I respect your decision" but I just couldn't help feeling a bit left out.

Posted 10/16/23 2:48 PM
 

lpg21
LIF Infant

Member since 9/21

340 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

I think it is strange that she invited you verbally and then didn't send an invite. Personally myself I would see it as one less obligation especially if I had to travel.

Posted 10/17/23 8:10 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Thank you for the replies everyone. Even though my feelings were hurt, I'll won't let it hurt the friendship. But I will lay low for a while & not go out of my way making plans for the time being.

Posted 10/17/23 10:24 AM
 

hmm
Sweet

Member since 1/14

7978 total posts

Name:

Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

I think its odd and yes I would be taken back and hurt. You talk and text that often you and your spouse should have been invited. IMO

Posted 11/3/23 10:51 PM
 

MrsWoods
LIF Adult

Member since 4/12

1461 total posts

Name:

Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

If your so close then why not ask them. I would even joke and say "hey what happened to my invite?"

Posted 11/5/23 10:40 AM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7786 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

I used to invite everyone but now that our immediate family keeps growing of people i MUST invite, my friend list has dwindled. If I had to guess, since you are saying they invited the capacity of the venue, I bet the guest list was out of hand and they cut you off of it thinking either they did not want to obligate you or that you would not want to make the trip for something like that.

Posted 11/6/23 12:45 PM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by FirstMate

I used to invite everyone but now that our immediate family keeps growing of people i MUST invite, my friend list has dwindled. If I had to guess, since you are saying they invited the capacity of the venue, I bet the guest list was out of hand and they cut you off of it thinking either they did not want to obligate you or that you would not want to make the trip for something like that.



Yes, you are correct about the capacity & the MUST invite list. I wouldn't not invite someone over the distance & time matter. I feel you invite them & let them decide if they want to try to make it. I'm well over it & at the end of the day, it saved us a lot of $$. Lol I will not let it get in the way of a friendship though.

I appreciate the feedback.

Posted 11/7/23 9:03 AM
 

FirstMate
My lil cowboy

Member since 10/10

7786 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by clotheshorse

Posted by FirstMate

I used to invite everyone but now that our immediate family keeps growing of people i MUST invite, my friend list has dwindled. If I had to guess, since you are saying they invited the capacity of the venue, I bet the guest list was out of hand and they cut you off of it thinking either they did not want to obligate you or that you would not want to make the trip for something like that.



Yes, you are correct about the capacity & the MUST invite list. I wouldn't not invite someone over the distance & time matter. I feel you invite them & let them decide if they want to try to make it. I'm well over it & at the end of the day, it saved us a lot of $$. Lol I will not let it get in the way of a friendship though.

I appreciate the feedback.



Just another quick thought I had...I actually stopped inviting family who would have to travel to come to things like my kids' communions, etc. just because I don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift. DH has several aunts who live out of state and I used to send invites for every single thing and they used to always send gifts and then I wondered if they felt like I was fishing around for presents knowing they would not make a trip for 2nd bday party. You know what I mean? It was just something else that I thought of but I think you are right also about letting the guest decide if it's worth it. Good point.

Posted 11/7/23 11:42 AM
 

clotheshorse
LIF Adult

Member since 5/12

1288 total posts

Name:

Re: Not invited to a baptism- how would you feel?

Posted by FirstMate

Posted by clotheshorse

Posted by FirstMate

I used to invite everyone but now that our immediate family keeps growing of people i MUST invite, my friend list has dwindled. If I had to guess, since you are saying they invited the capacity of the venue, I bet the guest list was out of hand and they cut you off of it thinking either they did not want to obligate you or that you would not want to make the trip for something like that.



Yes, you are correct about the capacity & the MUST invite list. I wouldn't not invite someone over the distance & time matter. I feel you invite them & let them decide if they want to try to make it. I'm well over it & at the end of the day, it saved us a lot of $$. Lol I will not let it get in the way of a friendship though.

I appreciate the

Just another quick thought I had...I actually stopped inviting family who would have to travel to come to things like my kids' communions, etc. just because I don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift. DH has several aunts who live out of state and I used to send invites for every single thing and they used to always send gifts and then I wondered if they felt like I was fishing around for presents knowing they would not make a trip for 2nd bday party. You know what I mean? It was just something else that I thought of but I think you are right also about letting the guest decide if it's worth it. Good point.




Exactly. I would never feel obligated by invite to attend or send a gift. If you want to send a gift, send a small gift. I never expected gifts from non-attendees but some did send & some didn't. Perfectly OK. My only issue here is I was told about the details & was asked "are you coming" hypothetically I guess, then I said "yes, of course...if I'm invited" which I wasn’t.

Posted 11/8/23 9:19 AM
 
 

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