Not Getting Any Easier- UPDATE

Ive been back at work for 5 months now (after maternity leave) and instead of getting easier like people always say.. it has gotten MORE difficult. I was ok in the beggining- going back to work seemed like a good balance - I didnt even cry on my first day.. 5 months later and now I cry every monday morning when I have to leave DD...

Just wanted to share as I am sitting at work feeling really sad



UPDATE: So... I realized that at least some of my unhappiness was based on not really being happy at my current job. It was time for a change-- so this is my last week of work! I had a sit down with my boss last week and we both agreed this is not the right fit for me so now I guess I am going to try my hand at being a SAHM for a while. I know I will have to go back to work at some point soon and I actually want to work at least part time, but for now I am going to take some time to be with DD and also figure out what I want to do next career wise. This is completely unchartered territory for me. I was always the type that did everything very methodically, college, law school, summer internship, law firm job , etc.. Its nerve racking and excting at the same time to be free to explore what is going to make me happy!

Message edited 1/7/2013 11:43:02 AM.

Not Getting Any Easier

I'm sorry to hear that you're sad, at least its a short week! I hope the day flies so you can see your DD soon

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

It stinks to feel this way.

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

My heart always aches when I hear Moms share these feelings. I believe it's a mother's instincts kicking in so that she fights to meet her and her baby's needs in whatever way possible. And while this may be considered a radical statement by some....I always think where there is a will there is a way. I don't know your particular situation, but it seems that a change is in order. There are definitely things you can do to meet your baby's needs in a way that doesn't leave you crying each morning. All solutions will likely come at a huge sacrifice on some end...except your child's. I know of moms who sold their house, who changed jobs to work at their baby's daycare, who went part time, whose husband got another job, who down sized their life...etc so they could better meet the needs of their family. 5 months is a long time to not have adjusted. Maybe this is life's way of encouraging you to look outside of the box for solutions. In any case, I'm sorry to hear of your angst and I hope that you feel a sense of hope and optimism knowing that you CAN change your situation. No one is truly stuck. Best of luck to you and your LO.

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. For me it has definitely gotten easier - in the beginning I couldn't imagine being away from DD for more than a few hours, now I don't know if I can imagine being home with her full-time.

Is there anyway you can try and work part-time or on a flex-time schedule?

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

Just saw this silly, yet relevant story on FB:

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time. I know exactly how you feel, it never got easier for me either. I went back after 8 weeks and thought I would literally die the 1st day back. I had never cried like I cried that morning. I cried on the LIRR platform often, it never got easier. I knew that I needed to stay home with my DS. I was under a binding contract for my internship/residency at the hospital so I could not just quit and had to go back but I knew that as soon as that year was up, I was not going back. My last day of work was 1 week before my DS' 1st birthday. It was one of the happiest days of my life. There was no looking back.

I've been a SAHM now for a little over 2 years. I thought it would be only for 1 year but it wasn't enough for me personally. It hasn't been easy and we have had to cut back, but it was what I needed to do for my son and for me as his mother. DH was on board.

I'll be honest though, being a SAHM is not easy for everyone. It sure hasn't been easy for me but I cherish every moment with my DS. Now that he's 3 I am looking to go back, but only part-time. I just know that for me and DS, it's time.

Don't be hard on yourself. If you think you can make being home work, then do it. But if not, know that every day that you go to work you are doing it so your DC can have the type of life you imagined for her. So that she can have what she needs and what you want to provide for her.

Not Getting Any Easier

Thanks ladies. You are all so awesome and supportive. I actually only work 4 days a week but the days i work I get home pretty late so there is really no time spent with DD on those days. I think I am also conflicted because I am not happy with my job- I agree being a SAHM is hard work! Ideally I would work fewer days/hours a week at a job that is not as stressful/consuming.

Re: Not Getting Any Easier

I'm so sorry. I find it ebbs and flows for me. When I first went back I was fine, then a few weeks later it was harder. Then the holidays came and was harder still. After that I was ok for a while. I find with new stages/phases I miss her a lot for a while then it evens out again. She only recently (almost 18 months) started crying when I leave, which just breaks my heart. But up until now she was fine with that part of the morning. I just remind myself that I work FOR her, to make sure she has the life I want her to have and she has all the opportunites she can! Hang in there Momma!!