Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

Hi all! I hope you don't mind me crashing your board to ask a question but I don't know who else can answer this.

DH really has baby fever lately and I suppose I do to an extent but fertility issues have arose. DH and my Dr think that now is the best time if we want to even think about trying to TTC naturally.

My question is for those of you who had children early in your marriages, do you ever feel as if you didn't get to "enjoy each other first" or travel enough or have enough "you time?" My only hesitation is that my family keeps saying that we need to enjoy each other for a few years but that may be the difference for me to be able to have children naturally or not.

Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

we're here to help!!

for me personally, no. we were ttc'ing 2 months after our 1 year anniversary.

for us though - we were together for 6 years at that point. we were living together by then for 5.5 of those years - so we had PLENTY of time. we did not feel that getting married changed ANYTHING for us....it just gave us jewelery to wear, as we were already 100% committed to each other.

if you are ready - you are ready

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We got pregnant a month after our 2nd anniversary and took our 3 month old DS on our 3rd anniversary trip! We wanted to start a family right away. We are a better "us" with DS! He will not stop us from doing things together but make us do more things together!

Congrats on your marriage! And good luck TTC!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

Hiiii..(it's 2ndTimeBride).


Well, as you may already know, we got preggo after getting engaged, so we only had a few months of being pregnant to be "alone".

I don't think it made a difference because we were together for 7.5 years before that. We had traveled alot, done a lot of things together and enjoyed each other. And now we are enjoying life together in a whole new way, watching our baby boy grow.

Maybe it would have been nice to have some "newlywed" time together, but I don't feel like we missed out on anything.

Obviously, each situation is different, but if it's the difference between having and not having a child, and a child is something you both want, then I would start trying soon.

Good luck!!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

Posted by davenjess

we're here to help!!

for me personally, no. we were ttc'ing 2 months after our 1 year anniversary.

for us though - we were together for 6 years at that point. we were living together by then for 5.5 of those years - so we had PLENTY of time. we did not feel that getting married changed ANYTHING for us....it just gave us jewelery to wear, as we were already 100% committed to each other.

if you are ready - you are ready

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

Posted by DomesticDeeva

Hiiii..(it's 2ndTimeBride).


Well, as you may already know, we got preggo after getting engaged, so we only had a few months of being pregnant to be "alone".

I don't think it made a difference because we were together for 7.5 years before that. We had traveled alot, done a lot of things together and enjoyed each other. And now we are enjoying life together in a whole new way, watching our baby boy grow.

Maybe it would have been nice to have some "newlywed" time together, but I don't feel like we missed out on anything.

Obviously, each situation is different, but if it's the difference between having and not having a child, and a child is something you both want, then I would start trying soon.

Good luck!!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

i understand what you mean about time...dave's work schedule is a nightmare. he works when i'm off and i work when he's off. during the week, he works until 9:00 at night, 3 days a week.

one thing you'll learn while ttc'ing and when you become pregnant and have the baby.....EVERYONE has an opinion...but you ultimately have to do what works for you!

we have always said that having a baby wouldn't change who we were, but that the baby would enhance what we were and what we did already...so far - this is 100% true. we are enjoying doing our 'normal' things with her and opening her eyes to new adventures with mom & dad.

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We didn't wait when TTC...we started trying a few weeks before our wedding and were pregnant almost immediately. My DD was born 9 months after our wedding. We had another 19 months after the first was born. We don't feel like we missed out on anything by starting a family quickly. We are young (27) but it felt like the right thing to do for us. We do everything that we would have done without our girls. We travel with them extensively and it has made it even more fun than we thought it would be. If you aren't sure, I say give it a little time and see how you feel, but for us, it hasn't held us back at all. Our relationship is stronger than it has ever been and we feel very blessed!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We didnt wait to ttc either.. and we had a honeymoon baby... DH and I have been together for 6 years, but I have known him since I was 14... and we always talked about having a honeymoon baby.. I wanted to wait a few months since we had just moved into our new home, but I also wanted to be off the pill.. and one thing led to another... I wouldnt have done it any different in retrospect.. DH and I still get alone time when DD goes to sleep, or when the grandparents babysit... and the time we have with the 3 of us is the best time anyway.. I do still want to travel, but I want to do it with DD.. I want to show her places, and see her face get all lit up by new experiences.. so while I cant tell you to wait or not to wait, i can tell you that whenever you decide you are ready to have a child, its the most amazing thing ever... I fell in love with DH for a second time, seeing him holding DD... hope that helped a little!!!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

DS was conceived on our first wedding anniversary. Neither one of us really planned on having babies so quickly (we were both 26 when he was born), but same as you, potential fertility issues arose, I had to come off the pill for hormonal reasons, and voila.

We've been together since 2000, so it was already 8 years when DS was born.

NO, I don't feel like it killed any of our time together. We still get alone time because we make it a priority and we have family willing to take the baby at any time because he's just so delicious.

Like a PP said, we still want to travel, but we want to travel with DS! My parents took us so many places when I was little, DH's parents took him nowhere. We want DS to have the same experiences I did!

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

I was pregnant 4 months after we got married and it was unplanned.....it is the best thing that ever happened! DS has brought more joy to our lives than any vacation could have.

We were planning on waiting and enjoying each other, but DS had different plans, LOL. So in hindsight, no, I dont wish we had waited at all.

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

I got pg 5 months after getting married. It was very quick but we were together for over 6 years at that point and lived together for 5. I felt like we had a lot of time just the two of us. And having DD hasn't stopped us from travelling. She's 21 months and we've been to Disney 3 times and California once.

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

I had a baby when I was 25 and unmarried... I met DH when DS just turned 5. We NEVER had time to become a couple. We were always a couple raising a child and it gets to me sometimes, but we work through it. We never had 'us' time... But we try to make time for that... RIght now things are stressful b/c I'm in school and he has a long commute for work but every now & then we make an effort to go on dates, or go away for a night etc etc.

Whatever you choose, you'll make it work... but I am not going to lie to you and say that I don't sometimes wish DH & I had the time to travel and get to know each other first...

KWIM?

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We waited a year before I got pregnant. Baby was born 1 year & 9 months into our marriage. Absolutely no regrets at all. I wouldn't change a thing.

We dated for a little over 3 years before getting married & were on the same page about waiting a year. We both enjoyed ourselves & had our fun before having children. Two children later, we still are in the same place but it's a different kind of fun.

I do agree that children can stress a marriage because it is overwhelming at first. But I think Stacey described it best in an old thread. Having a child is like having a special secret with my husband & I. When they say or do something cute, that look across the table tells me that he knows exactly what I'm thinking & feels the same way.

What works for me isn't necessarily what works for everyone else though. My only advice is to really, really know who you are having children with. I know other marriages that didn't work out & dealing with someone that you are not on the same page about children is difficult because you're dealing with that person for the rest of your life.

I always loved this essay about having a baby:
http://www.lifamilies.com/chat/topic.aspx?&P=1&ID=36193&Highlight=regret#P481712

I don't mean to romanticize having a baby. It is hard work. But I lived 31 years before having my children. I can honestly say that the best part of my life began since I've had them. It always amazes me that it only continues to get better.

Message edited 11/3/2009 11:00:35 AM.

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We started TTC a month or so b4 our 1 year anniv, but I told DH that I really wanted to go to Italy b4 we had a baby (that was our 1 year annov gift to each other). I got off the pill a month b4 our trip to Italy (hoping I'd concieve there, but it didn't happen that way). We had an amazing time in Italy and then a few months later I found out I was prego.

B4 DH I used to travel a lot with friends and for work. I also lived by myself and then lived with a friend in Hoboken for a few years... enjoyed the single life in the city. DH and I had so much fun when we were dating... going out a lot, traveled together, etc. When we got married I was a month shy of 31 so new I wanted to TTC soon... I don't regret having DS early in the marriage b/c I felt I just about did everything and there's still time to do what we want. We plan on traveling more... with DC and some trips without. Having a child shouldn't stop you... just may slow you down with things you want to do, but you'll get there.

Re: Newlywed Crashing with a question for parents

We started dating in 1994 and got married in 2003 and had our first child in 2008.

Sometimes I think we waited too long to start our family, but we waited so that we could be financially and emotionally ready (or as much as we could be anyway!). We have a nice house in a good area and we have no debt (other than mortgage).

Our friends also started having children around the same time, so it really has worked out well, although I wish I was a couple of years younger - I'm exhausted now!! And I sort of feel a little rushed to start TTC baby #2 (I'm 33 right now).

Good luck with your decision!