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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Never go to bed angry??
I'm sure most of you have experienced this: older and wiser  family members, friends, etc. that gave you advice before you got married. We got plenty of advice and I was very happy to get as much as I could!
Well, I had many people tell me "never go to bed angry" and then I have had others tell me "sometimes you need time to be upset about something - when you are hurt you can't always get over it within an hour, a few hours, etc" - So, basically - there are times where you do have to sleep on it and take time to feel better, calm down - THEN, come back and discuss it.
So, which is it?  Is it BAD to go to bed upset?
DH bugs me when I'm annoyed about something - it's never anything huge but I just need my space and he thinks it is the worst thing to "go to bed upset" - he needs resolve.
Thoughts??
Message edited 12/28/2007 11:54:51 PM.
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Posted 12/28/07 11:53 PM  |
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Reese32
LIF Adult
Member since 7/07 3631 total posts
Name:
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
I'd love to say we never go to bed angry, but sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way. Honestly, sometimes I'd just rather wait until the next day when we both have clearer heads and hash it out then, than stay up and argue while one or the other of us is still upset about something.
"Clearer heads prevail" makes just as much sense to me as "never go to bed angry."
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| Posted 12/28/07 11:59 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Well, I think it depends in each situation/argument. But for us, I just would never be able to sleep if we didn't at least come to some sort of resolution. Not a solution to the problem, but at least some sort of common ground of, "Ok, I'm mad, but I love you and we need to work this out." That being said, we never argue in a way that would leave us still angry at the end of the day.
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:02 AM |
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evenedan
Need a little sunshine
Member since 9/05 3843 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
If it's a minor thing, like we're on eachother's nerves or whatever, we always talk it out or kiss and make up before going to bed. That being said, there was one occasion where I was so mad that I went to bed angry as hell (and locked the bedroom door behind me)! In some situations you need to just cool off for a while before things can be worked out, and you can't put your emotions on a timeline.
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:06 AM |
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Candy Girl
Candy girl- you are so sweet!
Member since 11/07 6349 total posts
Name:
erin
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
It's terrible, but I DO go to bed angry. I say it is terrible, because it suucks to wake up to a fresh new day with old unresolved anger. I think that my new year's resolution will be to resolve all of my anger BEFORE going to sleep.
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:29 AM |
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alisonggg
Cutie
Member since 3/06 4749 total posts
Name:
a
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
DH and I have gone to bed angry on several occasions and it has always been for the better..... I notice that alot of times our fights get blown up because we are tired and cranky and a good nights sleep gives us perspective that we didn't have the night before....I know its different for everyone, but for us going to be angry is better than staying up and saying something we really regret
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| Posted 12/29/07 1:09 AM |
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mcl916
my two loves
Member since 10/06 5133 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
The only times I have gone to bed angry at him are when he is drunk and acting like an idiot. At that point there is no sense in talking about it, but he is usually very apologetic the next day. I hate falling asleep with all that built up frustration.
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| Posted 12/29/07 4:03 AM |
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kahlua716
3 Girls for Me!
Member since 8/07 12475 total posts
Name:
Keri
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Posted by DaniRella
DH bugs me when I'm annoyed about something - it's never anything huge but I just need my space and he thinks it is the worst thing to "go to bed upset" - he needs resolve.
Thoughts??
This statement describes us perfectly. We went through it last night. I was grouchy and he did something that annoyed me. I knew it was probably being blown out of proportion in my head so I just kept quiet and didnt flip out. He said I was giving him one word answers and being silent...I was just trying to keep my anger in check. But he kept pushing and prodding to get me to say whats wrong.
So, finally I did and it turned into a 1/2 hour argument over nothing.
I told him if he would've just left me alone for 5 minutes, I would've been over it. But he can't do that.
I'm definitely the cool off and think about it before discussing type. He's the opposite. Somehow we make it work..lol
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| Posted 12/29/07 8:10 AM |
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islandersgirl74
Love Being A Mommy!
Member since 6/06 5804 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
I try and make it a rule to never go to bed angry. I say what I have to say and move on. Life is too short
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| Posted 12/29/07 8:21 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
We rarely go to bed angry, but it has happened.
I have a friend who says this all the time cuz she and her DH had a tiff over something and went to bed. When she woke up, she went down to make coffee, called him and went back up to find he had died. He had a brain anuerysim in the night and just passed away. So, she always says you never know and it's not worth it to go to bed mad at each other.
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| Posted 12/29/07 8:24 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
I don't like going to bed angry but DH is the kind who really needs time to cool off so we find ourselves doing it sometimes. I don't think it means our marriage is any weaker. I think "don't go to bed angry" just sounds good.
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| Posted 12/29/07 8:35 AM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Posted by kahlua716
Posted by DaniRella
DH bugs me when I'm annoyed about something - it's never anything huge but I just need my space and he thinks it is the worst thing to "go to bed upset" - he needs resolve.
Thoughts??
This statement describes us perfectly. We went through it last night. I was grouchy and he did something that annoyed me. I knew it was probably being blown out of proportion in my head so I just kept quiet and didnt flip out. He said I was giving him one word answers and being silent...I was just trying to keep my anger in check. But he kept pushing and prodding to get me to say whats wrong.
So, finally I did and it turned into a 1/2 hour argument over nothing.
I told him if he would've just left me alone for 5 minutes, I would've been over it. But he can't do that.
I'm definitely the cool off and think about it before discussing type. He's the opposite. Somehow we make it work..lol
EXACTLY 
I mean - it was the DUMBEST thing - he clogged the toilet  and up comes the plunger - fine. He then proceeds to take the plunger back down to the garage after and on his way - drip, drip, drip, drip - all along my bathroom tile floor that I spent all day Lysoling the other day AND all over my wood floors that I spent swiffering - dry and wet-jet!! Major cleaning.
I have asked him before, many times, to try and have a little respect for the back-breaking cleaning that I do - it is more than the average person - the place is insanely spotless as it should be - always. I never ask him to lift a finger but little things like not just taking off his dirty clothes and leaving them in a pile - but putting them in the handy-dandy hamper I bought, also - things like wiping down the shower door that I bleach twice a week - just a quick wipe with the handy-dandy squeegy I provide for him - and simply closing the closet door - easy! Besides that - all I ask is that he take off his dirty, disgusting work boots in the garage and leave them there so they don't DRUDGE crap all over my beautiful wood floors - and when I ask - I just ask simply and nicely - usually 2 or 3 times and it goes in one ear and out the other - I love my husband, he is fantastic but WHY do I have to ask 4 times? Why? lol - so yesterday the plunger sent me over the edge and all the other things - shoes, shower door, closet door, laundry - came out b/c I've asked him over and over again and - nothing.
LOL turned into him trying to defend himself which upsets me more - grow up and own it lol. Then, I NEEDED my space to just calm down and he didn't want to go to bed - eventually he did.
When I came in later - after posting this lol - he had placed this little door hanger we have on my pillow and it says "never forget to kiss each other goodnight" and I was like awww...
We talked about it this AM before he left for work and he was - all of a sudden - not defensive and apologetic - but HE needs that time to go from defensive to realization - and I know that which is why I ask for space!
So, he made a list lol to remember of the like FOUR little things I ask of him - ooh! not throwing his dirty coat on my beautiful wood kitchen table but rather on the COAT rack was another
I really can't live without him - I'd be so bored
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:05 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Posted by Gertyrae
We rarely go to bed angry, but it has happened.
I have a friend who says this all the time cuz she and her DH had a tiff over something and went to bed. When she woke up, she went down to make coffee, called him and went back up to find he had died. He had a brain anuerysim in the night and just passed away. So, she always says you never know and it's not worth it to go to bed mad at each other.
awww that is so sad. 
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:06 PM |
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DaniJude
You're My Home <3
Member since 11/06 14815 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Posted by mikeswife06
I don't like going to bed angry but DH is the kind who really needs time to cool off so we find ourselves doing it sometimes. I don't think it means our marriage is any weaker. I think "don't go to bed angry" just sounds good.
I guess it all depends on what works FOR you and also - the type of disagreement it is - I mean, most of the time we are just pisssy about stupid things but if it is a real issue - we work it out - but that is rare lol we mostly bicker about dumb stuff 
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| Posted 12/29/07 12:07 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
We have invested in the "don't go to bed angry" idea since we met. There was only once that a fight extended into a late hour right before bed. And we laid in the dark talking for a while and hashed it out before going to sleep.
It sounds strange too but sometimes talking in the dark is easier.
We've both needed timeouts. But that's when we go off to collect ourselves. Never out of the house, just to our respective offices or something.
Posted by Gertyrae
I have a friend who says this all the time cuz she and her DH had a tiff over something and went to bed. When she woke up, she went down to make coffee, called him and went back up to find he had died. He had a brain anuerysim in the night and just passed away. So, she always says you never know and it's not worth it to go to bed mad at each other.
This totally floored me. I was angry at my Nanny the night she died - I didn't kiss her goodnight, nothing. I was young and naive enough to equate her heart attack with broken heart and felt guilty for a long, long time.
Who knows, maybe that's where it comes from - my inability to stay mad at my husband and to always be willing to compromise and work it out. He makes me crazy sometimes but damn, I just adore the hell out of him.
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| Posted 12/29/07 1:37 PM |
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dandr10199
Grace is growing up too fast!
Member since 10/05 11561 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Posted by Reese32
"Clearer heads prevail" makes just as much sense to me as "never go to bed angry."
I completely agree. I used to believe "never go to bed angry" like your DH, but after 8 plus years of marriage, it does not always happen that way.
In the end clearer heads do prevail b/c every time we have stayed up until 4AM trying to hash something out, it has been a nightmare for both of us.
Message edited 12/29/2007 1:46:18 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/07 1:45 PM |
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Nicole728
My Happy Girl
Member since 7/06 8198 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
I heard this from both sets of grandparents and they were both were and have been married over 50 years, So i kinda figured that there had to be some truth to it.
So since we have been married, we always talk things out before bed and kiss each other goodnight.
I think it helps b/c I hate waking up angry from the night before.
edited for grammar
Message edited 12/29/2007 2:56:29 PM.
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| Posted 12/29/07 2:55 PM |
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Emily
Kasey & Me! Lurves it!
Member since 7/06 8703 total posts
Name:
STBHC
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Going to bed angry leaves bad karma stirring. Apologize before you sleep, whether you mean it or not. That is what I was taught.
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| Posted 12/29/07 3:01 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
In theory it sounds great, but at 1:00am, sometimes, you just need to go to bed and talk about it the next day. MOST of the time, I just like to get it over with and deal with it then and there. DH likes to think about it, then speak about it. Oh, how opposites attract. 
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| Posted 12/29/07 3:07 PM |
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hazeleyes33
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 13060 total posts
Name:
Ginger
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
We have gone to bed angry many times. Sometimes it is better to leave the argument alone until the morning when you aren't so mad.
We have been married almost 15 years and that has worked for us.
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| Posted 12/29/07 7:19 PM |
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anjerandunder
Positive thoughts worked!!!
Member since 6/06 1909 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
i think going to bed angry is the best thing because you get your time to think things through before you fall asleep and then in the morning everything seems better. i always tell my friends getting married to go to bed angry.
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| Posted 12/29/07 8:13 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
Never go to bed angry....
Stay up and fight!!!!   
Just kidding. Most of the time...
We try not to go to bed angry but there have been nights that I just give in and do go to sleep--- and it's honestly much harder to fall asleep on those nights. Try not to often though...
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| Posted 12/29/07 10:57 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
We have because sometimes we need to sleep on things to see it clearer in the morning.
Posted by Gertyrae
I have a friend who says this all the time cuz she and her DH had a tiff over something and went to bed. When she woke up, she went down to make coffee, called him and went back up to find he had died. He had a brain anuerysim in the night and just passed away. So, she always says you never know and it's not worth it to go to bed mad at each other.
This is enough to get me to try to resolve everything before bedtime.
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| Posted 12/29/07 11:19 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Never go to bed angry??
we always try to talk before and find a resolution to what's bothering us, i definitely agree is never good going to bed angry because you won't even rest.
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| Posted 12/29/07 11:26 PM |
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