need some advice (sorry kinda long)

My son was born 12/4. My BIL came the first night to visit him in the hospital (even though we were in the hospital for six days) and that is the ONLY time he has made an effort to see his nephew. My brother, who lives in another state and not 15 minutes away, has seen him more. Christmas was the first time my BIL even held his nephew (the hospital I delivered at doesn't let the babies out of the nursery expect during grandparent visiting hours). My BIL has seen the baby a total of 3 times since the hospital, but only because I've been at their house to visit the grandparents.
Here's what bothers me...my husband is a police officer and has this years pba cards. My BIL is going to come over this week so he can pick up the cards for his friends. I'm so hurt and angry....he hasn't come over to see his nephew but he'll make the time in order for him to get something out of it. I want to tell my DH to meet his brother out.....he's welcome to come over when he wants to see his nephew but not when he just wants something.
Am I wrong? I want to say something to his brother but feel it will only make things worse.
There have been problems between us basically since we've gotten married. His brother when asked to be the best man said that he didn't know if he'd be able to make the wedding because he had plans to go to Atlantic City that weekend with a girl he just started dating a month prior to when we told him (we told him the beginning of February that we would be getting married the end of May). Things didn't work out so well with the girl and he wound up being the best man.
And as the best man, do you think he would have given us anything? No, not even a card. His name was signed in his parents card (BIL is in his 30's and IMO no longer needs his parents to sign his name). If he couldn't afford a gift that's one thing, but he could've gotten a card.
I asked my DH why his brother seems to hate me (we used to get along so well). My DH said it was because I took his best friend away.
Do you ladies think I should say something? I accepted his attitude towards me, but to extend it to our DS is breaking my heart. And I see that its bothering my DH too, but my DH would never say anything.
Please I need help.

Re: need some advice (sorry kinda long)

i would agree with you in him meeting out for the cards, and yes i would say something. but I tend to have a big mouth an that would P*SS me off.

to you!

Re: need some advice (sorry kinda long)

personally - i am all for saying things when you are botherered or upset -

That being said - I don't know that it's worth it in this case. I feel like some people are how they are - and no matter what you say they don't change.

I have come to accept people like this and try not to get upset over it.

We have a VERY similar situation in our family - except DS was born June 28th - and BIL has seen him maybe 4 times - and that was at functions.

My thought is this - it's their loss (in our family) bc they don't know my son. I don't worry myself about it anymore (Although- I was fired up about it months ago)

Message edited 1/29/2008 8:02:45 AM.

Re: need some advice (sorry kinda long)

Thanks, I did speak to DH and he agreed to meet his brother out. I'm still afraid that this is going to make everything worse between me and his brother.

Re: need some advice (sorry kinda long)

I'm really sorry. I have a frighteningly similar situation with DH brother. I agree with another poster that sometimes you just can't change these people. They are too self absorbed and their priorities are in the wrong place. It may have nothing at all to do with you.