Need help please...Long

OK....I think I'm starting to go out of my mind a little bit. Sidney is 3.5 months old and I have not had 1 night off. My DH is crazy stressed and busy till end of Nov so I don't really blame him (too much). My aunt has watched her a 2x so DH and I could go out to dinner. My Mom passed away and my MIL lives upstate. (and by the way when we went to visit the inlaws they made a seperate bed for DH in a seperate room so HE could get a good nights rest!!!!!) But I digress.

Sidney is very high maintenance. I feed her then play with her (or I try to let her play by herself on her mat or under the mobile but she wants human attention most). Then its nap time....which is a total battle. I either have to nurse her (even if she just ate 20 minutes before) or take her out for a walk in the stroller. Then when I put her down she is usually up within 15-30 mins. At least I could on a weekend ask DH to take her for a walk but now that the weather is getting bad that option is out. So its back to all me again. Plus bedtime is about a 2-3 hr ordeal. I nurse her put her down she cries, i nurse her put her down she cries etc etc. And she cries out for me about 4x a night.

I'm just so frustrated because I thought that this was supposed to get easier with time...and it has actually gotten much much harder as we have some digestive issues (she might be allergic to dairy)

Soooo...my question is....I'd like to hire somebody to 1) give me occasional rest and 2) to maybe show me a better way to make it through each day. Like finding a way to comfort Sidney without nursing her.

Who should I hire? A nanny, Doula, baby nurse, mothers helper??????

Sometimes I feel like such a failure that I can't seem to do this on my own but then I think about all my friends who have family that helps out and so far its pretty much been all me. I'm starting to worry about PPD as I just realized that I haven't showered in 4 days....thats worse than when sidney was a newborn

Re: Need help please...Long

I understand how you feel and I have only been doing it one month. Between my BFing problems and now Miranda's reflux everyday is a struggle of some kind.

I know doula's are generally very compassionate and eager to meet a mom's needs but I don't know if they do in home care for babies. I would say it sounds like you need a PT nanny.

I hope it gets better for you.

Re: Need help please...Long

Why don't you guys start a Mommy's day out group? Find a few moms who are looking for the same thing...maybe once a week have 2 moms babysit 4 babies. My friend started a group like that a long time ago - worked really well.

Re: Need help please...Long

I know how you feel. I felt like that a lot! It's a hard adjustment! I can't even tell you the last time I had a hair cut.

I am going through a lot of the same issues with my daughter now. She is what we call 'nosy' and afraid to sleep like she is going to miss something. She naps for 30 minutes at the most, if she naps and it's usually a battle also.

I would think that you would want to hire a Nanny or a baby nurse. Do not feel like a failure. As I was talking to my mother this evening about my dd bedtime issues, she said 1) it's your first 2) they don't come with instructions you have to do what you have to do in the moment.

I also would like to suggest a Mommy's group or even a Mommy and Me class. I know I am in one now and either at the beginning or the end of each session we have mommies circle where we can discuss our concerns and what we need and support one another. If you would like the info on the 2 places in Suffolk I know that offer young infant Mommy and Me let me know.

Re: Need help please...Long

Sounds like you need a serious break. If your DH can't possibly watch the baby for half a day or so, hire a babysitter for a day then take care of YOURSELF. You NEED to do this. If your most basic needs are not being met, how can you expect to meet your baby's? You need to get out of the house without the baby for awhile and even keep the sitter/nurse around for a few hours while you are in the house so you can get yourself situated and get some sleep.

I guarantee that after a break you will feel refreshed and ready to handle your baby alot better. And your baby will be happier because you will be happier. You have weeks and weeks of frustration piled on you and your baby can sense that.

As far as which to hire...I don't know too much about mother's helper's or baby nurses. I think that a plain old sitter (that you trust) once a week will do wonders for you.

Please make every effort you can to schedule these kinds of breaks regularly or whenever you need them. It will help prevent PPD. Don't think of them as treats, think of them as necessities.

Look into nanny services (gonanny.com, I believe) and sitters (4sitters.com) and ask your friends, neighbors, and other moms that you know for recommendations.

I hope you get this much needed break very soon!!

Re: Need help please...Long

I agree with what everyone else said.

I hired a baby nurse when I had her...so maybe I can shed a little light on what they do.

To me, the difference between a Nanny and a baby nurse is pretty big. A nanny takes care of the baby - but I think it's pretty much up to you to tell her how to handle the baby (as far as schedule, etc...)

The baby nurse told ME how to handle the baby-how to tell the difference between her cries, how to get her on a schedule, tricks of the trade, etc...

If you are looking for a break - a nanny/sitter is the way to go. If you are looking to learn how to take care of your baby, and for some professional advice then a baby nurse will fit your needs.

I hope this makes sense...FM me if you have any questions. Hang in there - and like everyone said - TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF!!

Re: Need help please...Long

Thanks sooo much everyone. I feel a little better that I am not the only one who feels this way. I think a baby nurse sounds like what I could use right now. I just don't feel like I know what I am doing. I was just at the Gastroenterologists office and she looked at me like I had 12 heads when I started to nurse Sidney. She said "she wasn't even hungry". Made me feel like such an idiot.

After a baby nurse than I will hopefully get a PT nanny or something. Anything to give me a break 1 or 2 days a week for a few hrs.

P.S. We were up from 1am to 4am last night. And she only stayed down for 1 nap today....I'm exhausted - how come she's not!!!!

Re: Need help please...Long

I had a "mothers helper".... a couple of days a week.. and the young lady lived on my block.. She was babysitting age.. and I usually fed the baby, and would let her "sit" for my son while I slept.. If she had a problem she knew she could wake me, and honestly, I think she only did once or twice.. She was much cheaper than a "named/licensed" individual, and reliable, she had a couple of references.. and she was a child of 5.. so she had experience with both boys and girls.. She played with him, and rocked him, and changed him, and gave him a bottle.. whatever he needed until either I woke up, or until the time I asked her to stay until...

She would even watch him as I cooked, and sometimes she would join us-- It was VERY conveinent. I dont know WHAT I am gonna do without her now!! lol... HTH..