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Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
So lucky me, I have 2 MILS bc DHs parents are divorced and his dad has been remarried for 17 years...
His mom lives nearby, and keeps saying that she wants to watch DD to help me out. I SAH and don't really need help right now. DD is only 3 months old & EBF. MIL has MS and takes heavy duty narcotic pain meds, and whenever we bring dd to visit her, she holds her so awkwardly, says obnoxious things to her, and when DD cries, she doesn't like to give her back to me! Plus, she smokes & knows that DH does not like her to smoke before seeing DD but she always smells of it when we get there. I do not feel comfortable leaving her alone with DD at all! She has even asked me if I've left the baby with anyone yet, bc she wants to know why she hasn't been asked to babysit! (my own mother has watched DD a few times, and my SIL just watched her too).
My step-MIL lives out of state but has a home here too and she & FIL are coming to visit for 2 weeks & also want to babysit. Step mil has other grandchildren and I feel a little more comfortable leaving DD with the 2 of them for a short time like to run to the supermarket or if DH & I want to grab a quick dinner while they are here. However, I have some concerns about her following my directions bc she seems of the mentality that the new way parents do things are not as good as the old way dhecrsiaed her kids, but I think for 2 hours or so it would be fine.
But DH says that his mom better not find out if step mil watches dd bc she is dying to watch her! 
What do I do? Why do theses ppl insist on watching DD to "help me" when it's really more if a hassle than help? How would you deal with MIL who I do not feet comfy with watching DD ever, let alone at this young age! HELP
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Posted 9/6/11 4:16 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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Ophelia
she's baaccckkkk ;)
Member since 5/06 23378 total posts
Name:
remember, when Gulliver traveled....
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Re: Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
narcotics = not being alone with my baby.
period. end of story. she needs to (wo)man up and understand that. I mean, ***?
and your husband needs to man up and tell his mom NO EFFING WAY. sorry.
one of the best things I've ever seen was my cousin tell him mom she had to change her stinky cigarette smelling shirt before holding his infant son.
your baby comes before EVERYONE. as long as you use that as your guide you will be ok.
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| Posted 9/6/11 4:20 PM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
Posted by Ophelia
Ditto
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| Posted 9/6/11 4:23 PM |
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babylove628
mommy of two!
Member since 11/09 2733 total posts
Name:
Maggie
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Re: Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
If you don't feel comfortable with certain people watching your baby then that's it...end of story! Your baby, your decision. Whoever doesn't like it, too bad!
My ILs want to babysit, everyone offers, but DH and me rarely go out and when we do, my parents live right downstairs from us so it's easiest to leave the baby with them. No preference, just easier.
Do what's best for you and your child! Good Luck
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| Posted 9/6/11 4:25 PM |
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Re: Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
Posted by Ophelia
narcotics = not being alone with my baby.
period. end of story. she needs to (wo)man up and understand that. I mean, ***?
and your husband needs to man up and tell his mom NO EFFING WAY. sorry.
one of the best things I've ever seen was my cousin tell him mom she had to change her stinky cigarette smelling shirt before holding his infant son.
your baby comes before EVERYONE. as long as you use that as your guide you will be ok.
Thank you! DH feels that since she's been taking the meds for years than she's immune to their effects!! Luckily, he doesn't have the greatest relationship with his mom so he's not pushing for her to watch DD but he doesn't think DD would be in harms way with his mom like I do!
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| Posted 9/6/11 4:26 PM |
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Re: Need advice/opinions about dealing with 2 mils who are pushy about watching DD
I think you should tell your MIL that your are BFing and don't feel like you need a break at the moment. You are happy to have her visit or maybe visit her but you're not looking for a babysitter at the moment.
I would be very polite but matter of fact that it is just not needed right now.
My FIL has a drinking problem and we will never leave DD with my IL's because of that - whether he's drinking that night or not, we're not dealing with it.
In terms of SMIL I think you're probably right about her not agreeing with "new parenting" but I would hope that overall the basics are still followed.
In the interest of keeping the peace I would probably stick with the same story with both MIL's and say that you are BFing and not looking for a babysitter and will keep them in mind if things get more stressful.
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| Posted 9/6/11 4:35 PM |
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