Need Advice on a sick child situation

Sorry for crashing your board, i apologize in advance, but this has been eating away at me. If i am wrong, please tell me straight up so i can apologize to my sister.

Here is the scenario, Last week my sisters 2 year old daughter was very sick, and we had a family party, she left her daughter with her MIL because no one else could watch her.
Her daughter had high fever, throwing up, and was diagnosed with Pneumonia.
Her MIL also watched her during the week as my sister could not send her to daycare.
I was scheduled to watch her one weeknite, so that her husband could get a massage and my sister could go to dinner in the city.
I was scared, and honestly didnt want to watch a sick kid. My Mother also refused to watch the kid during the week as she is afraid of getting sick.
My sister pretty much said flat out we are useless, and me and my mom do nothing to help her out.
My sister has plenty of sick time, she is taking a week off to go to disney in a few weeks, and she was just at disney for a week in may.

I feel that her priorities are messed up and that a sick kid should not be put on anyone else and if her plans have to be cancelled then so be it. Isn't that the sacrifice you make when having a child? She doesn't think so. To her me and my mother are horrible awful people who do nothing to help her.
Her MIL is now deathly ill with pneumonia and was almost hospitalized.

I love my niece so much, and would do anythign for her, but why should i risk my health, and deal with watching a very sick child. Am i wrong and please be honest.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

if i remember correctly, this isnt the first time your sister has called you and your mom "useless", right? i think she has a lot of nerve to say that, if me or FH had a massage planed and dd was that sick, we would cancel without thinking twice to be with our sick dd, shes what comes first. we actually had a situation like this with bil last week, his dd was very sick with a 104 fever and double ear infection. my mil (who we live with) had to babysit her and she is now laying in bed sick as a dog, im starting to feel something coming on and my 14 month old dd is sick for the first time. because they dont wanna take a day off work now our whole house gets sick its not right and i would deff tell your sister she needs to learn what comes first in life, that poor kid probably felt like sh1t and just wanted her parents while they were out enjoying life

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I wouldn't go to a party if my DS was sick (unless there were extenuating circumstances, like perhaps it was a wedding and I was in the party, but then my DH would stay home)----I also agree, if your child is sick, you reschedule your massage & dinner out! Sorry your niece is sick!

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

That's messed up! You are called useless because you don't want to watch a sick kid so she can go to dinner and her DH get a massage.

Postponne the dinner and/or massage.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

Message edited 11/29/2011 3:22:34 PM.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I could see leaving the child with the MIL for the family party if she was comfortable with it. Especially if it was for something special that doesn't come up too often (rehearsal dinner, big anniversary or birthday, retirement, etc)

By the same token, I hope that my brother would give me a swift kick in the arse if I was ever so selfish as to call him useless because I wanted to go out with my girlfriends and my DH wanted a massage and I was angry he wasn't comfortable watching my very sick child.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I don't know if it's so much that she and her DH want to go do their planned stuff and have a sick child - I mean, if someone wants to watch their sick DD and they are comfortable, it's their prerogative. It's not what I would do but that's their business. It's the part about calling you and your mother useless bc you won't do what she wants. What kind of brat is your sister? I would never in a million years say that to my sibling - and MOTHER...never!!

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

You are NOT wrong.
I'm sorry! A Massage? Dinner in the City?
You're 100% Correct when you say she needs to straighten out her priorities!
Her CHILD should come first, NOT, a massage or dinner in the city!
Your sister or BIL or both of them could have rescheduled to be home to take care of your niece.
So unfair to all those involved and I'm sorry her MIL got sick! If my sister ever said that to me (im useless), it would be a LONG time before I babysat my nephew again (and I LOVE him to pieces).

Your sister needs to wake up and realize this is HER child and SHE should be taking care of her and not worrying about the other plans.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

i have a girlfriend who did the same thing.. left her very sick 5 month hols home with her mother because she needed a break while we all met for dinner... mind you we met for dinner at 6 and she gets home from work at 5 so how much of a break could she need... i didnt get it then and i still dont get it

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I can't think of one recreational thing that would make me leave my sick child with anyone. A sniffle or slight cough maybe, but fever and etc, no way. - I wouldn't want to inconvience anyone else with my sick child and I wouldn't want my sick child to feel worse because he wasn't with his mommy or daddy.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

Isn't this the second time she has done this to you when her DH had a massage scheduled? I would be absolutely livid. Their child - their responsibility! He can postpone his little massage - give me a break.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

First of all, don't apologize for 'crashing' this board.

Now, REALLY? What the hell are they thinking?!?!?!?!?

ANYTHING is able to be rescheduled. If it's not, you bend over backwards for your child. We had a couple call two days before our wedding to say they couldn't make it because their child had pneumonia. That's what REAL parents do. They take care of their child and forget about anything else.

Now I will speak as a mother that needs a break. I NEED A BREAK!!!! We have no family on Long Island and I would KILL for some help, even one hour per week. DH and I work 24/7/265 jobs and rotate our shifts around each other. Yes, I complain about being burnt out. I would love to have a chance to get out and try a pair of pants on. (Right now, I find a pair of pants at Walmart that could fit, throw them in the cart as I grab his juice and milk and his new clothes. Once he goes to bed, I try things on. I am probably on the Walmart hit list for things brought back in a 2 year period.)

I think it's horrible to take people for granted. She really needs a b!tch slap. Call me up because I will seriously do it for you.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

that's terrible I could see sending a sick child to grandma or aunt's house if you have to work like me I cannot take too many sick days...but that is rediculous But on the other hand I would watch them if they had a wedding or something like that not for a message and dinner that can be rescheduled...poor baby girl...and another thing she should be gracious that she has people to watch her child I have a hard time leaving dd with anyone other than my mom DH sister babysat once..my rule of thumb is dd is my child if I can't find someone to watch her for whatever reason I DO NOT GO. end of story that is the sacrifice we make for our children...your sister needs to get a reality check and grow up

Message edited 10/3/2009 4:31:16 AM.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

You cancel the massage or dinner in the city if your child is sick (assuming dinner was a social thing, not an obligatory work function & even then, I'd probably bail).

As for the vacation & her sick days, I have a different view. I save my sick days as much as possible. My kids wipe out my sick & vacation time easily - not to mention get me sick. If I had an upcoming family vacation planned & paid for, I would ask my mom if she can hep watch my dc. If she said no, it's her perogative. I wouldn't be upset or angry.

When you have kids, they are YOUR responsibility. The village didn't sign on to raise your child.

IMO she is calling the wrong two people useless.

Message edited 10/3/2009 10:11:43 AM.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I would never leave my child who was that sick with anyone. It's not fair to the child or to the person watching. A sick child needs his/her parents.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

I wouldn't leave my DD with anyone is she was that sick. If it was a runny nose then maybe but pneumonia??? That is crazy!

You are right and she is definitely wrong!!!

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

She's wrong. I have left my sick children with my parents or ILs to go to work. That's it. Of course (thank goodness!) my children have never had an illness worse than the common cold either. I could see going to a party if it's something big & important like a close friend's wedding, but I would not go off to a massage or dinner in the city and leave a child with Pneumonia at home.

She has some nerve to call you useless.

Re: Need Advice on a sick child situation

there is a big difference from being sick with the sniffles and being sick with comiting and pnemonia. Hell, I am a nervous wreck when my own child is sick like that, let alone to expect someone else to care for your sick child for such material occasions.

You're right. She's wrong.