My 3 year old is mean...

And I don't know how to handle it. She has no desire to make friends. She only wants to be with me, my husband, or her little brother. She does not socialize well at all. My mom has watched her since she was an infant. Once I went back to work, she was in daycare twice a week, but she was even antisocial when she was that little. She will be four in a few weeks and she will not say "hello" to people when they say hello to her. She will no say "thank you" to strangers, yet she will say it to immediate family. She will start pre-k in the fall and I put her in the summer program to give her an early start. She was there for four weeks and each day that I dropped her off, she cried. Her teacher said that she did play with the other kids, but I am not sure to what extent. Today I took her to the library and an adorable girl asked her to play and she said "No!" I pulled her to the side and spoke to her and she seemed to be aware that she did the wrong thing. Afterwards she tried to start chatting with the girl, but understandably, she had no interest. I have her in social settings frequently but I see no improvement. Just a few weeks ago we went to a birthday party and all the kids played so nicely. She and her little brother were by my side the whole time until I started playing with them. I spoke to the pediatrician about it and she said it might be anxiety and to look into more closely when she's in Pre-k. I don't know what to do. I worry about her so much. My two year old is much more social but now is doing what his big sister does! I guess I am just looking for some guidance. I want a nice, sweet daughter who is well mannered. I am doing all I can to instill these values in our home and it is not working. Thank you for reading! Any and all advice is appreciated!

Re: My 3 year old is mean...

I see she has a sister? My 2 yo ds adores his 3 yo brother. He has no use for anyone but dh, myself, and his brother. I wouldn't worry about her just yet, in Pre k she may become more social

My 3 year old is mean...

maybe there's something like a little gym that she could go to, where she'd have extra separation time?

My 3 year old is mean...

I really don't think she is mean, its not like she is hitting other kids, etc., it sounds like she just doesn't know how to socialize with her peers. I would just keep encouraging her, invite kids for playdates etc. Or sign her up for a class at a place like KidEsteem where they have social groups.

Re: My 3 year old is mean...

This was my DD. She is now 8 years old. She was diagnosed with anxiety.

You should contact your school district and ask for an evaluation. She may qualify for social skills or other types of therapy. It can only help.

ETA, I wanted a sweet, nice, well mannered child also. But what I have learned through all of this is to accept the child that you have. My DD is not who I expected and probably never will be. But that does not stop me from trying to take her new place, meet new people, participate in activities...It's just takes a looooooot more effort.

I have a younger DS also, and he has a totally different personality- easy going, friendly,etc

I would start with calling your district and telling them your concerns. If you ever want to talk, feel free to fm me.

Message edited 8/9/2012 10:42:26 PM.

My 3 year old is mean...

It doesn't sound like she is mean. Maybe she is more of an introvert? My 3 yo is super social, talks to everyone, plays with friends. She has always been that way. My 2yo is much less so. She is a very funny, outgoing, witty girl around her close family. At school and at parties, she is more cautious. It's like she wants to know you before she is friendly with you. She has made some friends at school, but it took her awhile to find a few that she wanted to really socialize with. She liked adults (her teachers) more than kids for awhile. She also has a very different personality in public (which is very much like me). She's just not the type to instantly like or a trust a person, which is completely opposite of my 3 yo who will strike up a full conversation with anyone, anytime. But, you are the one who sees what's really going on. If something seems off to you, there's no harm in bringing it up with her doctor

My 3 year old is mean...

It sounds like she is just very shy. Maybe wait until she starts pre-k full time and take it from there. The seperation from you and her sibling might help.

Re: My 3 year old is mean...

Trust your motherly instincts and get her evaluated.

Re: My 3 year old is mean...

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. My daughter is not mean, but I was so upset with how she reacted to the little girl at the library, at the time it was the only word I could think of. I could tell that she wants to socialize but she gets anxious about how to. I understand sometimes kids wants to play alone, but I want her to be able to express that appropriately. I guess my biggest concern is about how she socializes. What should come naturally to her does not. I actually made an appointment with a child psychologist in a couple of weeks. If it is her just being shy, then I will be happy to hear that, but if there is a bigger issue I know I would rather address it now than later. Again, thanks for the advice!

Re: My 3 year old is mean...