Mother Staying With You After Baby

My mom lives 3.5 hours away, and this is her first grandchild, so she wants to be here for the birth (of course, that's a whole other drama, how the heck will she be here in time, she can't take off weeks of work and come down just waiting for me to go into labor!)

Anyway...she plans on being here for the birth (if possible) and staying with us for a little while right afterwards. I know I'll value the help tremendously, and I'll like that she gets to know her granddaughter since she lives away. But how much time should she stay? I know we can just see how it goes, but I was thinking a week, and she mentioned something about taking 2 weeks of vacation. Again, she'll be great & helpful, but it will be tough having others in the house, no? We have a smaller house, and I would like to have just DH & I bond with our baby too. I'm so puzzled about this...

Any advice/ideas, especially from BTDT's? Thanks!!

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

HELLO!!!!!!!! I just went through this same conversation with my mom. (My mom lives 8 hours away) At first I was thinking I'd like the help, then I really started thinking about it. We couldn't get rid of her. We have a small apartment. She said she'd sleep on the floor. Any mommy/daddy/baby time will suddenly become a foursome.

After discussing with my siblings (That she never stayed with after their babies) we came to the conlusion that I needed to talk to her. I told her that I welcomed the help, but 24 hours a day was too much. Could she stay in a hotel? She said no. It got quite heated, but now we are fine! I had to put my foot down.

When I posted a thread about this on parenting, there were many answers. Everybody that had moms come to help had them staying overnight somewhere else. They welcomed the help, but none of them had a mom that stayed overnight. There are limits.

(edited to add) BTW: My DH is taking off 2 weeks after the baby is born. It's our time as a family. If DH was going right back to work, I would've welcomed it. I told my mom to please come down after DH went back to work. She said no.

Message edited 4/24/2007 1:09:09 PM.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My fam lives on LI, I live in CT.

My parents stayed for a week after DD's birth, she didn't sleep at my house though.

My IL's came up when DD was born and stayed for 2 days then went home.

DD was the 1st grandchild on both sides too.

Our families let us settle in a bit, then came back for a couple days here and there.

Def voice how you feel, it's great to get the help, especially with cleaning, preparing dinner, questions with the baby, but we made it quite clear the 1st couple weeks were bonding time for Gianna, Dh and I.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I think its nice that your mom wants to help and bond with her granddaughter but the truth is that this time is for you and your husband to bond...I think since she lives away and you have room to accomodate her, I would say that about a week is fine since Im sure you'll the help...if all goes well ask her to stay another week...Im sure she'd love that.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My mom is going to stay with us for 2 weeks after the baby is born. Yes I think that it should be mommy/daddy/baby time, but DH is a teacher and will be finishing out the school year, so I think that my mom being there will be very helpful and then we have all summer for family bonding

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I would say let her stay the 2 wks, then when she leaves have DH take time off to spend with the baby.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Take the help is what everyone tells me. My MIL will be here 2-3 weeks and I'm so happy. I'll need her. She's a great lady. (My own mother is MIA and a loser. )

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My mom is going to stay with me for like one week. She also lives like 2 hours away.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My Mom is 5 minutes away and so is my Dad. My Mom took off a week or so and my Dad is retired, so he is always around to help. I don't know what DHs parents are doing.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

my mom lives in Rochester and of course she wants to come and help when the baby is born... however she left it up to us when we would like her to come... so DH will take a week off and then she will come to help me for a week or two...

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Thankfully Mom and Dad live a minute away from DH and I so she'll be VERY close by and DH is going to use up all his vacation time to stay home for a bunch of weeks

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Both our parents live 15-20 minutes away. DH will be taking 2 weeks home with me. I will probably see my mom after work since she will be preparing our meals and his mom will come by on weekends.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My parents live about a half hour away and my SMIL lives about ten minutes away, so they are going to be a phone call or a quick visit away.

DH's mom lives in Florida and is flying up 3 weeks after I am due. She is actually flying to Baltimore and then driving up with SIL. I am happy that it worked out this way.

DH is lucky in the regard that he can take time off to be home with me and my parents, sister and SMIL will all be near by, and since we see them so often, it isn't really visiting, it is just normal. Whereas SIL and MIL are more vistors, even though they are planning to "help".

But for YOU, it all depends on whether or not you and your DH feel your mother would be in imposition or if she will be able to be helping with the day to day things that you may need help with.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I think DH and I are going to be alone for the first two weeks (he has paternity leave) and then my Mom will come after that for a week or so. I was concerned about DH and I not having time to bond with the baby alone, so I decided to have my Mom come a few weeks after the baby is born instead of right away.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My parents live in Tn. and Dh's live in Maryland. They are both coming up the week that I am due (of course that is based on when my dr. thinks I'm going to go). They are staying at an extended stay hotel over in NJ that is close to us in NYC. I think my parent will be staying for 2 weeks. DH's parents will stay for a couple of days and then are planning on coming back after my parents leave. I am worried about mommy/daddy/baby time, but since DH can only take one week off it might be nice having the parents come in shifts for support.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Hmmm, as a BTDT, I would say take all the help you can get. Of course it all depends on the relationship you have with your mom or MIL. For me, my mom came and stayed for a week and she was a GODSEND. Just the cooking and cleaning and letting her help with the middle of the night feedings (where your DH will be clueless and sound asleep!) was amazing. I remember sending her to the store to buy pads, or paper towels or more diapers.

However, if you are not close with your mom, it might be suffocating.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I think it's different for everyone. I didn't and don't want people staying with us. I feel/felt like I am pretty well informed and well read and to behonest - I know our moms and MILs are BTDT, but it's been a long time and things have changed. Sometimes they think they know it all, but new moms probably know more. It really depends on your personality and your relationship with your mom/MIL


Why not compromise and have her come when the baby is 4-6 weeks old. That's when they start smiling and are a bit more active with tummy time.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Both my MIL and my mom will be staying with us for the first two weeks. DH will be home with me also but we are so looking forward to all the help we can get. I know that DH and I will be exhausted so we are welcoming any help we can get. That does not mean we will not be able to bond with our baby because I know we will.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I just went through this with my mom. The minute I told her i was pregnant she told me she was staying for a week. I kept talking to my dad about it and explained the whole family bonding thing that I wanted to do with DH and baby. So I finally brought it up the other day and told her she can come over all she wants to cook, clean, do laundry, hold the baby, i dont care, but she cant stay unless i decide it is needed and she actually took it well

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

Thanks for all the advice & stories ladies. I really need to talk to my mom about this. The thing is, I'd hate to send her to a hotel at night, when I do have room at my house (although it is small). I just know it will be tough not having time with just DH, baby & me, even if she isn't intentionally trying to be in the way. It's just hard, it's her first grandchild, she doesn't get down here much, and she wants to be here as long as she can.

DH is a teacher, so as long as doesn't come early, he should be around a lot more during the summer, although he'll be working a summer job, but he can take however much time he wants off right after the baby's born (although he won't get paid from his summer job for time he isn't working).

Ugh, this is another example of why I HATE not having my family live close by.

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

I guess my DD has no choice. She still lives with me!

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

My mom lives locally and she wants to stay and help us. I am afraid I might kill her

Re: Mother Staying With You After Baby

my mom lives in FL and offered to stay with us for the first 2 weeks. At first my DH wasn't too keen on the idea, but then realized it might be a good idea (instead of paying $$ for a nurse). I'm planning on BFing so, with the night feedings, I don't really see how my DH or my mom will be that helpful, but it will give my DH flexibility to go into work when he needs to, plus he'll need to get away from my mom at some pt, i'm sure. I can't ask my mom to stay elsewhere since she lives out of town, but i really hope we can get along during this time. I know she'll be helpful, but sometimes helpfulness can be interpreted as annoyance.

Message edited 4/25/2007 3:51:50 PM.