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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
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mommy
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Legal question regarding will/guardianship
So DH and I are at odds as far as the urgency surrounding having legal documentation dictating where our children would go to if something happened to both of us. If it wasn't enough that it took forever to agree on a couple to hold guardianship, he sees no urgency in getting it down on paper. I grossly disagree. While we are both relatively healthy, I'm from a family of paranoid worriers admittedly so if I don't think about it, someone else will be happy to bring it up to me then I become anxious.
Anyway, we were talking about some legal stuff and I brought this topic up. DH swears that since there is so much living family the kids will most likely be "fought over" for someone to take care of them, meaning like my sister will want them, his brother, his parents, etc. While either set of grandparents is a far cry from an option as physically neither set could probably be able to take care of 2 kids, his brother is comical as he lives out of state and has his own nonsense to deal with (my kids have never even met his wife/their aunt) and I hate his wife (and that's mutual, she hates me too)... Plus, the couple who we do agree on, they are not blood family, they are close friends.
Regardless, bottom line question... since I'm the one freaking out, can I have papers drawn up stating what our wishes are and only have my signature on the paper? Is it absolutely necessary for DH to sign that? I'm done fighting with him about it. He thinks I am being unreasonable. I've had this arguement a million times and yes, I have told him that the state would take the girls and they could be separated, he says that's not true. I know it is, but he's way to thick headed to get it. Anyway, short of divorcing his *ss, what can I do to protect my girls without him/his signature? His latest is that we have other bills that take priority over planning for an estate in the red. I so disagree, we still have equity, maybe not several hundred thousand, but about 100k, plus other incidentals.
TIA.
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Posted 6/4/10 3:07 PM  |
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KateDevine
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Both should sign
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:09 PM |
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maybeamommy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
can you have the paperwork drawn up on your own and then just have him sign it?
maybe he just doesn't want to go through the whole process but would sign if he had the chance... KWIM?
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:10 PM |
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clwp
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Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
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mommy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by KateDevine
Both should sign
Right, I agree, but I can't drug him and throw him in the car and make him sign. think that's duress anyway and the paper would be thrown out.
I want to protect the kids, despite his obstinate ways... there has to be a way to do this. I can't be the only one with a mule. I mean, I"m trying to look out for the kids, it'd be horrible if the courts wouldn't let me do that and allow DH to just let the cards fall where they lie nonsense.
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:12 PM |
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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
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mommy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by maybeamommy
can you have the paperwork drawn up on your own and then just have him sign it?
maybe he just doesn't want to go through the whole process but would sign if he had the chance... KWIM?
He feels we have other bills to focus on right now.
He blames a pre-nup that he insisted on - that we shredded b/c HE realized it was stupid. I got it as a wedding gift for him since he was burned by an ex so I went along with it. It cost $1k, so he feels he doesn't want to waist more money. He's being a jerk, I totally know but now that I have acknowledged that my kids shouldn't have to be burned b/c their dad's an idiot.
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:14 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
no, there is no way only you can decide where the kids go. Both parents have to sign. And honestly even if you wrote something up yourself and signed it - it would never hold up bc family members could claim that was not your DH (the fathers) wishes.
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:21 PM |
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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
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mommy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by Aries14
no, there is no way only you can decide where the kids go. Both parents have to sign. And honestly even if you wrote something up yourself and signed it - it would never hold up bc family members could claim that was not your DH (the fathers) wishes.
So then, my kids end up in the hands of the state b/c their dad is an arse?
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:26 PM |
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Aries14
Can't plan life...
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by clwp
Posted by Aries14
no, there is no way only you can decide where the kids go. Both parents have to sign. And honestly even if you wrote something up yourself and signed it - it would never hold up bc family members could claim that was not your DH (the fathers) wishes.
So then, my kids end up in the hands of the state b/c their dad is an arse?
lol... no a family member. If there is a fight between who - the judge (or social worker) would probably decide.
Is it the process that he doesn't want to do? Or the whole idea of it? Could you maybe have it done yourself and just have him sign?
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:29 PM |
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cloddy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
sorry you're having such trouble convincing him.  Sent you fm
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| Posted 6/4/10 3:35 PM |
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clwp
Love my girls!
Member since 10/06 2114 total posts
Name:
mommy
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by Aries14
Posted by clwp
Posted by Aries14
no, there is no way only you can decide where the kids go. Both parents have to sign. And honestly even if you wrote something up yourself and signed it - it would never hold up bc family members could claim that was not your DH (the fathers) wishes.
So then, my kids end up in the hands of the state b/c their dad is an arse?
lol... no a family member. If there is a fight between who - the judge (or social worker) would probably decide.
Is it the process that he doesn't want to do? Or the whole idea of it? Could you maybe have it done yourself and just have him sign?
To be honest, I dont' think his side would put up much of a fight anyway. Despite what DH thinks, his brother in PA has his own stuff and isn't much of a "go-getter". He's a very quiet guy and as mentioned, his wife doesn't even come to parties for our kids. My family may put up more of a fight, and at least if my parent's got the kids, they can add to their wills what my wishes were. Trust me, all my parent's would have to do is demonstrate who my inlaws are... no judge in the world woud give them custody... my MIL lives in a really bad area so I think they'd go to my parent's. Which I'm fine with till they can no longer handle it. But again, they know my wishes.
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| Posted 6/4/10 4:00 PM |
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nrthshgrl
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Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Each of us have our own wills drawn up - which address guardianship.
I designated in the event of my death who gets the children.
He designated the same person.
It's only applicable if we both die because in the event of one of our deaths, the other surivivng parent gets the children.
In the end, the suriviving spouse can change their will & the guardianship of the child.
However - all of that beings said, I'd get the ball rolling for both of you. I'd contact an attorney & tell him you're setting the appointment for both of you.
Also - don't forget health care proxies!
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| Posted 6/4/10 4:07 PM |
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twinkletoes807
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Gabi
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
I would go ahead and have a Will drawn up for yourself. Make sure your guardianship wishes are spelled out clearly. In the event that you both die simultaneously, if your DH dies intestate (no will, and therefore no guardianship clause) then the children should pass to the persons you delegated as their legal guardians. HTH!
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| Posted 6/4/10 5:25 PM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
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*********
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by nrthshgrl
Each of us have our own wills drawn up - which address guardianship.
I designated in the event of my death who gets the children.
He designated the same person.
It's only applicable if we both die because in the event of one of our deaths, the other surivivng parent gets the children.
In the end, the suriviving spouse can change their will & the guardianship of the child.
However - all of that beings said, I'd get the ball rolling for both of you. I'd contact an attorney & tell him you're setting the appointment for both of you.
Also - don't forget health care proxies!
Same for us!
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| Posted 6/4/10 5:52 PM |
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
If you have it all drawn up and just bring him in to sign, will he refuse? I really do not think it would be very expensive. I'm fairly certain that both Valerie Shivers and Wendi Lindsey, LIF attorney vendors do this type of thing. (I don't handle this but I often get questions about it).
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| Posted 6/4/10 6:55 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
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Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Have it drawn up and then make him sign it too.
Your families can fight all they want, if you have a will, they cannot protest it unless they can PROVE that you wrote it under "duress" and were not in your "right minds" when you have it done.
Get it in writing and get him to sign.
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| Posted 6/4/10 8:36 PM |
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Would he agree to a meeting with an Estate Planning Attorney? Then he could at least hear from someone other than you, how important it is.
Do you have life ins? You should have a trust created (or written up to be created upon your passing) to hold the life ins money and then choose a trustee. That person may or may not be the same as the guardian. We have someone different.
I hope you can convince him!
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| Posted 6/4/10 8:59 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by nrthshgrl
Each of us have our own wills drawn up - which address guardianship.
I designated in the event of my death who gets the children.
He designated the same person.
It's only applicable if we both die because in the event of one of our deaths, the other surivivng parent gets the children.
In the end, the suriviving spouse can change their will & the guardianship of the child.
However - all of that beings said, I'd get the ball rolling for both of you. I'd contact an attorney & tell him you're setting the appointment for both of you.
Also - don't forget health care proxies!
Same.
Our attorney came to our home.
I wouldn't ambush him into it but would he feel more comfortable if could meet with the attorney at home.
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| Posted 6/4/10 9:50 PM |
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CucumberGirl
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Member since 1/09 2398 total posts
Name:
M~
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Re: Legal question regarding will/guardianship
Posted by nrthshgrl
Each of us have our own wills drawn up - which address guardianship.
I designated in the event of my death who gets the children.
He designated the same person.
It's only applicable if we both die because in the event of one of our deaths, the other surivivng parent gets the children.
In the end, the suriviving spouse can change their will & the guardianship of the child.
However - all of that beings said, I'd get the ball rolling for both of you. I'd contact an attorney & tell him you're setting the appointment for both of you.
Also - don't forget health care proxies!
This is the way to do it and if you're going to do it for yourself, it'll cost virtually nothing extra to create a mirror-image will for him. I'd have them both prepared, you sign yours, and he can sign his when he's ready. You can't really force him to sign but if you're going to spend the money to get yours done, you might as well have them both prepared. I think this is esp important since I believe you said you are not naming family. A court will generally try to stick to family. In a simple situation, the documents should not be very expensive to prepare. This is a worthwhile investment to make - any court proceeding, whether or not it's an ugly fight, will run a lot more money than just doing the wills ahead of time.
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| Posted 6/5/10 2:34 PM |
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