Just need to vent... Sorry!

How much is a husband supposed to help out? I know I can handle everything myself but if I could have some help i would be so much happier. I know he works a extremely hard dirty job and gets up super early but I am with the kids and take of the house non stop. I can't even do anything for myself. Nothing! If I ask he says oh well I was going to do blah blah so. Like play play station so if the baby wakes up she's just gonna cry in he crib. I do laundry, dishes clean house, all the shopping(maybe once in awhile he'll run for something quick but then I owe him the rest of the day), change diaper, feed kids, wash them, make dinner, lunch, breakfast, basically everything/ he just comes and goes as he pleases sits on couch watches tv and iPad. I'm fine with taking care of everything but a oh you do a good job or something encouraging would be nice. Instead I get criticized. Your fat ugly why aren't you working out.. I have been when I get a chance. Why don't you leave the house. Maybe Bc I have to do everything in the house and we have a 5 month old. But I do get out as much as I can. So sorry I had to vent. I'm bottling this all up. I have no one to talk to about this. And to top it off he is mad at me Bc I didn't know what he was talking about at dinner lSt night. Like I'm a mind reAder too.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

What?? He asks why you aren't working out and calls you fat?? EFF that!! I'd wait til he sat down to his video game and drop the baby in his lap, tell him I'm going to the gym and then I'd go get a mani/pedi (and probably stop at Panera too)!

My husband works bad hours 1pm-12pm or 10am-9pm and he STILL helps with laundry, watches the kids, does errands, etc. I work FT too so we have no choice. I know he would do less if I was around more, but he still pitches in when we are both around. Sorry, your DH sounds lazy. It stands to reason that if you don't work you will do more of the household stuff, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't do anything.

Make plans to go do stuff for yourself or lunch with friends once in awhile and don't ask, TELL him you are going out.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Nobody should be treated like that! You should sit down with him, tell him how you feel and explain that the way he speaks to you and not helping out with the kids and around the house is not acceptable.

I'd throw the play station in the garbage!

I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you must make it very clear to him that this is not okay with you.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

You need to stand up for yourself - you're a wife and mother .......not a servant.

I agree that when you don't work outside of your home, then yes, your "job" is more of the household stuff ........but not ALL of it, ALL of the time, to the point that he refuses to care for his OWN kid? To the point that you never do anything alone, or for yourself? Unacceptable. Again, being a SAHM does NOT equate to being a slave !!!

That play station would get ripped out of the wall at my house.

And if my husband ever dared to tell me I was 'fat' or 'ugly' he's probably lose his
Don't do his laundry - don't cook his dinner.
Go to the gym instead. Tell him you're not interested in being called fat or ugly again and you're agree that you should get out of the house more often ..........

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

I would go get my hair done, nails done, shop for new clothes and hit the gym.
And leave him with the kids.
And when he bytches about it say, "well I don't want to be fat and ugly for you, so this is what it takes to get pretty and thin"

See what he says then.

I am sorry but a husband calling his wife fat and ugly is BEYOND unacceptable in ANY circumstance. I don't care if you are a SAHM, FTWM or childless.

Message edited 9/2/2014 10:16:27 AM.

Just need to vent... Sorry!

Wow! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I work FT, DH is a SAHD and while he does most of the stuff around the house, I still help out when I get home & on the weekends. Your DH is being totally selfish and mean. Calling you names is disgusting and like PP's said, you have to stand up for yourself and let him know that it won't be tolerated. Have a sit down with him and let him know how you're feeling.

Just need to vent... Sorry!

I'm sorry, I have NO patience for husbands that act like their wives are their servants and the sole caregiver of the children. These kids are BOTH of your responsibility and you both should be able to care for them. He should want to care for his own children!!!!! What kind of man will leave his baby crying in a crib so he could play video games?????

Then to call you names and insult you??? No f*cking way. Tell him to grow up or he can start cooking his own dinner and washing his own clothes and see how he likes it.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Just need to vent... Sorry!

I would get a divorce. Him saying that in front of the kids is not healthy and he won't change.

I wouldn't put up with that at all. By leaving and going to the gym but staying in this abusive relationship is only enabling him. Do you have family nearby?

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

He sounds abusive. No parent should have to do everything for their children. And nobody should be called names. Period.

I'd try to seek counseling by yourself or with him.

Just need to vent... Sorry!

No way, that would never fly with me. My DH also works crazy, 16 hour days, I still expect him to contribute, whether it's cleaning up the table while I bathe DD, or he can put her to bed. It's a joint effort. I work all day too, and I'm not about to let him lounge around while I continue to cok, clean, play with, bathe and put DD to bed.

Also, I love the suggestions of tossing the baby in his lap and waltzing out the door. Tonight you hit gym, tomorrow get nails done, next day get hair cut. Continue this until he wakes up. Sorry but his behavior is total bullshitt.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Sell his playstation and ipad and use the money to pay for a gym with daycare.

Don't apologize for venting. Your DH calling you names is unacceptable and you don't deserve that.

We have a more "Traditional" household then some.. DH works long hard hours. I stay home with the kids. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping, errands, and take care of all the kids stuff... doctors appointments, stuff for school, etc.
BUTTTTT when DH comes home - lucky if it's by 7:30pm.. I give the kids a bath while he unwinds and eats his dinner but then he gets up and helps me do pajamas, he reads a story and tucks them in bed so *I* can sit down and relax for a minute.

Even if he is drop dead tired he will never refuse watching his own children so I can run and get a pedicure or take care of something just for me. Maybe he knows I might snap and kill him if he did

Don't let your husband force you into putting yourself on the back burner. Your sanity and down time is just as important if not more important then him getting his down time. Just because you don't earn a salary doesn't mean your work doesn't have value. Do you know what it would cost him to replace you??? Between daycare, someone to clean the house and someone to cook his meals and run his errands alone??

Start off with twice a week having him watch the kids. Don't give him a choice. Tell him if he can't handle it then he needs to hire a babysitter for that 1 hour twice a week. Take time to do whatever you need to do. That can be working out, or getting coffee and sitting in your car enjoying the quiet. Good luck

Message edited 9/2/2014 4:10:37 PM.

Just need to vent... Sorry!

Calling you fat and ugly is verbally abusive and he doesn't sound like he's being much of a father to your children. I would seek counseling and/or decide if this is really a home you want for yourself and children to grow up in. best of luck!

Just need to vent... Sorry!

To answer your question: you and your husband should each to half of the work in the house (and outside the house). Being a SAHM is just as difficult as having a paying job (maybe even more so), so it doesn't make sense that after his work hours are over, he gets to relax while you have to keep working.

I'm wondering if you've spoken to him about any of the things you mentioned?

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Honestly, that would never be okay with me. That is completely disrespectful. If my husband ever talked to me like that or treated me like that, I would really consider leaving. So sorry you have to deal with that.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!

Sorry you are going through this. I would definitely look for someone to talk to. There is absolutely no excuse for your husband speaking to you like that.

My situation is different because we both work FT but we pretty much split everything pretty much 50/50 - I do a little bit more of the childcare because I am BFing and DS is going through a clingy stage, but we are a team and raising our child and having a strong marriage is something we are both committed to. You deserve that too and if your husband doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be you can find someone who will.

Re: Just need to vent... Sorry!