Jealousy between grandparents?

What do you do if there is jealousy between sets of grandparents?

Anytime my inlaws watch DS and my parents find out, my parents get almost jealous. My parents stop by to visit at least 1-2x a week, so they see him plenty, but they live about 45 min away. If something comes up and we need someone to watch DS for a short time, we call IL's because they are closer, and they are always more than happy to help. But then we have to keep that a secret from my parents, because they will almost get angry that we didnt ask them. But my parents also want a few days notice if we ask them to watch DS. If its short notice, and we dont HAVE a few days notice, we just call ILs (who are great).

Now I find out from my sister that my parents are making "joking" comments like "Maybe DH and I like ILs better."

Its like I have to repeat myself over and over that they BOTH see DS EQUALLY AS OFTEN.

Any advice?

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

ILs are extremely jealous of my mom but refuse to do anything about it.

My mom lives down the block from us so we see her almost every day. ILs only live 15 minutes away but they haven't made time to come visit and haven't seen DS since he was a week old (he's 9 weeks today)

No way to remedy it, really ... they will have to learn to deal with it or make themselves more accessible.

good luck

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

been there with this~ ILs are jealous of my parents bc they live out of the country but they honestly i think have to learn to deal with it. if it were reversed, my parents would be gracious and understand too. it's a learning curve i think. it's annoying though that you're stuck in the middle. hope things get better for you!

Jealousy between grandparents?

I completely understand. My parents are retired and live one tonessouth of us. Mil is a single parent who works three jobs. It upsets her that she doesn't get to see dd as much as shed like to. Her frustration sometimes manifests as jealousy and it is upsetting for all parties. I wish she could hit the lotto to avoid this all together.

Jealousy between grandparents?

We are constantly battling this in our house. We feel like we need to hide how much time we see or spend with my parents from the ILs. It's very annoying, but dealing with them if they knew would be annoying to. We just keep our mouths shut and hope they don't ask.

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Yep my parents see my DS all the time. They watch him 3x a week and live around the corner. IL live about 15 min away but never call. My DH and I fight about this all the time. He thinks I should know they want to see him however they don't make the effort in my mind. They want to watch DS alone but I don't feel comfortable since we never see them and when we do FIL is on the couch with the tv blaring and MIL has bad knees and can't stay on the floor long to play with him. This is a constant battle between us. The real kicker is DS turns 1 on Saturday and we were all suppose to go out to dinner not an expensive place where we had his baptism. Im not throwing a party since it's so close to Christmas and IL, SIL who is Godmother and Great grandpa all pulled out today and said they can't come due to money. I totally understand however it's his first birthday and honestly I feel they can find money to come to dinner. They are coming to my parents after for cake but still Im hurt and I know my DH is too.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

UGH- i am currently dealing with this. IL's live much farther away... and they go crazy jealous... i just try to separate myself from it to be honest. i try to ignore the comments and just keep doing what is best for my family... try not to give in to the guilt and everything else that comes along with the jealousy.

Jealousy between grandparents?

Dealing with this too. My mom is so jealous and it's such a PITA. My mother in law watches DS three days a week and we have a very regular routine. My mom has a very busy job and CAN"T watch him even if she wanted to but allllll I hear is "I miss him, send him over". She guilts me into bringing over there when it is almost bedtime for him. I hate that I can't share everything that goes on with him in terms of like a new outfit or toy from in laws. She gets passive aggressive and jealous. I give up

Jealousy between grandparents?

OMG my mom gets SOOOO jealous of my in-laws. its so annoying. im so glad im not the only one who has to deal with this childish ridiculousness. we live in an apartment upstairs from MIL and my mom acts like she never ever sees the baby even though she doesn't often go out of her way to see her. before the hurricane we went over every so often and saw her at least every other week for family events or whatever. the hurricane made her apartment messed up so we haven't brought the baby there and she has eased up cause of all the drama but i know its only a matter of time before the jealousy is back. theres nothing i can do. if she wants to be a baby about it - it is what it is. i do what i can to get her to see the baby but she needs to put in the effort too!!

Jealousy between grandparents?

been there..... easy to say, but you have to just not let it bother you....

IL's were the ones to watch my ds cause they didn't drive me nuts, and didn't impose their way, when they knew what I wanted, my mother would go against my way, so there was no her watching them - even though they live only 5 minutes further from IL's

Jealousy between grandparents?

Yes but the grandparent they sees DS the most is the one that's always jealous. My parents live in FL and only see DS a few times a year.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

IL's aren't really jealous of parents, but my mom is jealous every time the inlaws come over or we go over there. Same thing pretty much. Both live about equal distance from us and we make sure that they both see the grandkids equally so there really is no need for jealousy.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

My inlaws used get so jealous when I was with my parents after I gave birth. They wanted me to stay with them (that's a whole different story) anyway.. DD loves and adores my folks, they really get down to her level and play with her. My inlaws, love her but its like.. buy her all the toys but won't play with her kinda deal. A lot of under handed comments later, things have eased up but for my DD's first birthday, my FIL's jealousy came up again.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

This sort of exists in our situation as well, with my MIL. One time I had mentioned to MIL that my mom was going to watch DS on a saturday night while DH and I went somewhere and she was like "you know, you could ask me too.. i know i'm not your mother but you could still ask me." which I felt bad but my parents live a mile away, and already have all this baby gear like car seat base, etc in case they have to bring DS anywhere... MIL works 6 days a week and lives about 20-25 min away (and the 1 day a week she has off that we ask her to watch DS she is always doing errands) so I don't really think to ask her as the first person whenever I need coverage.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

My in laws are jealous of my parents....
But my parents put in a lot more work.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

I cannot imagine having to deal with this. Hugs to you all that are going through this.

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

Re: Jealousy between grandparents?

Jealousy between grandparents?

I have this issue also. My mom is always asking me if my IL's have come to see the baby. Unfortunately my mom doesn't drive so she can only come to see DS on the weekends as opposed to my IL's who do drive so they come to see the baby more.

My mom will say she isn't jealous but I catch her every once in a while talking to the baby in baby talk saying that other grandmother of yours sees you too much and then laughs. Thank goodness DS is only 6 weeks old so he doesn't understand what she is babbling about.

At this point I have no choice but to deal with it because it's never going to change.

Jealousy between grandparents?

Same issues here.

My Mom is VERY proactive in our kids lives. We like it that way. When we go away to Great WOlf, see Santa, go see the Easter Bunny, whatever we always invite my mom, Dad & Step Mom. My Mom comes almost all the time and when she can't she calls nonstop lol. My Dad & Step-Mom who live closer are ALWAYS making passive aggressive comments about seeing the kids more. It has been a battle since my olderst was born. We constantly remind them they can call, come over, take them whenever. They never do. They would literally drive past our house to go 1 block over 3 x a week to visit friends and not stop! They would just honk and keep going! When I was on bedrest they never visited and my Mom had to come help. My step-mother is not working and there is no reason she could stop over even once for some coffee or tea. It's just infuriating since my Daughter is always asking for Nana and DziaDzia. My Dad feels like since he took my brother and I to visit my Grandparents every week we should do the same. We just can't! We have church Sunday morning s and then it's nap time and we REFUSE to meet them at the Bar in the afternoon. My Dad was seriously mad we didn't bring the kids to see him last week because we wouldn't go to the bar *eyeroll* My Mom however tries to take them as often as she can, and at least calls everyday so Emmy can talk to her. We all went to see Santa last night and My Mom came. My dad and step-mom had plans IE: going to the bar to see my sister.

My advice is to talk to them alone. Just explain sometimes you need short notice care for DS and you respect them enough to remember they asked for more notice. If they want you to call no matter what you will do that from now on, but you were not playing favorites, but trying to respect them! I think if you lay it out they will understand, but if they don't at least you tried. I have done this so many times that I just blow off the comments because I know it's them and not me. It sounds like they really want to be involved so YAY!!!! I honestly think it's more of a misunderstanding and hurt feelings talking. *HUGS* It is so hard!