It really hit me today

I think today it really hit me that we may not have another child. Again I have to say I know I have so much to be thankful for and I am. I adore my two children beyond words but I can promise you the ache for another child is really no less than it is for your first. I never thought it would feel this strong but it is and I am not really sure how I will come to terms with it.
This month is out (short of a miracle) b/c I didn't call my RE and I'm already CD 4. I just felt like I couldn't deal this month. I don't know where DH and I will go from here.
I guess the hardest part is that I feel like a decision is being made for me...KWIM? If we decided we were done with two that's one thing but now it's almost like an outside force is making the decision for us and it's opposite of what we want.
I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow but for some reason today has been really, really hard.
It still amazes me that we got pregnant with DD on our first try. Holy cow did I take that for granted.

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i am sure it will work out

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When I had been trying to get PG with our second with our RE, someone in the lobby had told me "at least you have one already". It hurt - a lot. It hurt because having a second child wasn't only to fulfill our dreams of having two children, but to give Abby a sibling and a best friend and so she would not be alone. DH and I both have multiple siblings and we wanted it to be for her as well - though we are stopping at two kids. Yes, you can and should be grateful for the children you have, but if you are still feeling as if it hurts, then it hurts and don't let anyone take that away from you.

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I'm sorry and just want to say don't lose hope. Hey I went to a reproductive immunologist Dr right outside of Chicago...Dr Kwak-Kim have you heard of her? She is at Rosalind Franklin and handles my protocol for meds during IVF and pregnancy

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Thanks guys. It's definitely a raw feeling.
Melissa-I'm in Colorado...I haven't heard of her.
IUI is about as far as we can go and it appears that our issues are pretty much MF. Not sure if we got lucky the first time or it's just come with age for him.

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Re: It really hit me today

I'm sorryl Sometimes taking a break is the best thing for you mentally. Even just for one cycle.

I agree about CCRM - they are the best in the country. They are in the forefront for using new procedures.

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Thanks. I didn't know about CCRM. I'm going to google them.

ETA: CCRM doesn't take my insurance We don't have great coverage but at least my consults and ultrasounds and stuff are covered.

Message edited 1/30/2011 10:28:41 AM.

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Im sorry

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I'm sorry

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Re: It really hit me today

I'm not really sure of your situation but we have MF issues as well. Can you try a natural IVF cycle with ICSI? I think it is a lot less money than regular IVF because there are no meds and the monitoring is similar to an IUI.

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Re: It really hit me today

Posted by monkeybride

Posted by DRMom

Posted by monkeybride

Thanks guys. It's definitely a raw feeling.
Melissa-I'm in Colorado...I haven't heard of her.
IUI is about as far as we can go and it appears that our issues are pretty much MF. Not sure if we got lucky the first time or it's just come with age for him.

Oh for some reason I thought you were in Chicago...Have you tried the natural route for MF? Vitamins, acu, diet etc?

His issue is morphology only. He's taking FertilAid.
Part of me wonders if this is a new issue or if he always had it. Sometimes I almost wish we didn't know and just kept trying without that in the back of our minds.

Re: It really hit me today

Posted by jacquig

Posted by monkeybride

Posted by DRMom

Posted by monkeybride

Thanks guys. It's definitely a raw feeling.
Melissa-I'm in Colorado...I haven't heard of her.
IUI is about as far as we can go and it appears that our issues are pretty much MF. Not sure if we got lucky the first time or it's just come with age for him.

Oh for some reason I thought you were in Chicago...Have you tried the natural route for MF? Vitamins, acu, diet etc?

His issue is morphology only. He's taking FertilAid.
Part of me wonders if this is a new issue or if he always had it. Sometimes I almost wish we didn't know and just kept trying without that in the back of our minds.

Is he taking Pycnogenol or COQ10? That is supposed to help with morphology. Also vegetables...any kind of antioxidants. Try a natural diet first. Good Luck. I'm sorry you are feeling down but I wouldn't give up yet. It could happen. The website www.fertilichat.com has a MFI section and a guy named Rich that has some good info on MF infertility and natural treatments. Good Luck

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Re: It really hit me today

Like the PP said - you can do it at New Hope and it costs about $4k. I know I asked NSLIJ about it and they wouldn't do it. I think that you have to find an RE that is willing to go the less traditional route. This procedure doesn't involve meds on your part though so it's much easier than traditional IVF. It is a great option if you only have MF issues.