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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Is this wrong????
My friend told me this. Her DH left his aol account still running, so she looked on his IM buddy list and saw his friends and then saw a whole bunch of girls names she didint recognize. In fact they had slutty names.
How would you approach your dh if you saw this.
She is so upset
Thanks
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Posted 11/8/05 6:12 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Jenziba
?
Member since 5/05 6265 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Is this wrong????
I would just confront him about it...hey, he left his account open...it's not that she went sneaking onto his screen name, right? I would demand some answers about who these people are.
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| Posted 11/8/05 6:40 AM |
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Shorty
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Member since 5/05 30390 total posts
Name:
really
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by fjbaby
I would just confront him about it...hey, he left his account open...it's not that she went sneaking onto his screen name, right? I would demand some answers about who these people are.
yep. exactly.
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| Posted 11/8/05 6:52 AM |
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annieg
LIF Infant
Member since 5/05 158 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Message edited 12/2/2005 8:14:42 PM.
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| Posted 11/8/05 8:00 AM |
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KPtoys
I'm getting old
Member since 5/05 8688 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by annieg
I started noticing weird names on my buddy list recently. No one uses my aol account but me - no one has the password. I realized that for some reason, aol was automatically adding people to my list that I either sent emails to received emails from - even junk mail. So i ended up with people on my buddy list that i didn't know at all and never im'ed. So, it could just be that.
That OR it could have been YEARS since he cleaned it up like mine 
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| Posted 11/8/05 8:15 AM |
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momAGAIN
so outrageous
Member since 7/05 3853 total posts
Name:
TJ
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by Shorty
Posted by fjbaby
I would just confront him about it...hey, he left his account open...it's not that she went sneaking onto his screen name, right? I would demand some answers about who these people are.
yep. exactly.
i agree!!!
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| Posted 11/8/05 9:42 AM |
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by KPtoys
Posted by annieg
I started noticing weird names on my buddy list recently. No one uses my aol account but me - no one has the password. I realized that for some reason, aol was automatically adding people to my list that I either sent emails to received emails from - even junk mail. So i ended up with people on my buddy list that i didn't know at all and never im'ed. So, it could just be that.
That OR it could have been YEARS since he cleaned it up like mine
Me too - I honestly dont know who half the people are on my list!
I would confront him immediatley.
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| Posted 11/8/05 9:58 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
I woudl confront it immediately.
FYI, Anyone who ever e-mailed me or tried to IM me is now on my buddy list- and I can't get rid of them. It goes under "Recent buddies" on AIM. So half of them are people I never heard of or really old names from when I was in college (10 years ago). So you never know.
I woudln't jump to any conclusions- but she should definitely confront him.
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| Posted 11/8/05 10:11 AM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Is this wrong????
I would talk to him right away.
On a side note, I believe AOL now adds any name into your screen name list as long as you reply to an email. So if you get a mass email and reply, all those names get added in. That was one reason I started blocking so many things with AOL IM.
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| Posted 11/8/05 12:01 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: Is this wrong????
yeah they even add it if you get a spam IM
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| Posted 11/8/05 12:09 PM |
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Bri
I Love You to Pieces!
Member since 5/05 9919 total posts
Name:
Brianne
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by KPtoys
Posted by annieg
I started noticing weird names on my buddy list recently. No one uses my aol account but me - no one has the password. I realized that for some reason, aol was automatically adding people to my list that I either sent emails to received emails from - even junk mail. So i ended up with people on my buddy list that i didn't know at all and never im'ed. So, it could just be that.
That OR it could have been YEARS since he cleaned it up like mine
I agree with both of these possibilities. The first one happened to e as well. She should confront him on it.
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| Posted 11/8/05 4:42 PM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Is this wrong????
thanks ladies....Im hoping for her sake that they are old friends or they were put there by his aol account by accident.
She is very upset over this and feels as if she has been cheated on.
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| Posted 11/8/05 8:02 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
I understand her being upset. She should just confront him. It may be nothing. Keep us posted.
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| Posted 11/9/05 9:33 AM |
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MrsJ
I love my Katie Bug
Member since 5/05 11357 total posts
Name:
Kathy
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Re: Is this wrong????
Wow I would be fuming! I would confront confront confront and delete the AOL account.
ETA: I have had people on my buddy list and I dont know HOW they got there. It has something to do with spam mail I get and open. So hopefully thats all it is for him too.
Message edited 11/9/2005 9:35:38 AM.
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| Posted 11/9/05 9:34 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Is this wrong????
being the voice of reason, here is what i would do...
Marriage is about trust, and this guy is innocent until proven guilty. Like many people have said, you can get IM's from porn sites, delete them, and they somehow show up anyway.
So, I would confront the guy, BUT, I wouldn't attack, as some of you suggest. If it were me, and Boosh came in and accused me of cheating, without allowing me to explain, I would be hurt, the trust issue and the marriage would take a hit.
I would simply ask him casually, "I happened to notice on your IM list that you left open, there are some names I didn't recognize. Who are they?
And see what he says... and move on from there
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| Posted 11/9/05 9:39 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
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Message edited 3/1/2007 5:43:48 PM.
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| Posted 11/9/05 9:49 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Is this wrong????
it's a shame when good old-fashioned trust goes out the window
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| Posted 11/9/05 9:59 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
it's a shame when good old-fashioned trust goes out the window
I agree. Without it- there;s no marriage.
I completely agree with you. She should just ask him about it- not accusing him. But she should definitely talk to him about it.
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:02 AM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by Shellyesq
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
it's a shame when good old-fashioned trust goes out the window
I agree. Without it- there;s no marriage.
I completely agree with you. She should just ask him about it- not accusing him. But she should definitely talk to him about it.
exactly -- i'm not saying NOT to confront, but there is a way to do it and still keep the integrity of trust intact
Perhaps there is more to this to cause her to be suspicious.
I also do not think the sneaky route is the way either. He'll eventually find out and that's a big slap in the face to the trust she's supposed to have for him.
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:04 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
If I found out DH was sneaking around behind my back spying on me... I would just pack my bags- baby on the way and all. I don't want to be married to someone who can't trust me enough to confront me with a concern. If that is the case, there really isn't a strong marriage- and who wants that??
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:07 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
Posted by Shellyesq
Posted by CaptainCharisma424
it's a shame when good old-fashioned trust goes out the window
I agree. Without it- there;s no marriage.
I completely agree with you. She should just ask him about it- not accusing him. But she should definitely talk to him about it.
Perhaps there is more to this to cause her to be suspicious.
this is a very good point. has there been any other incidents in the past where she doubted his trust? very often friends don't share EVERYTHING about their lives/marriage w/ each other so maybe there is more to the story then what she is telling you.
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:08 AM |
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pnm1654
Mommy to 2 boys!
Member since 5/05 4565 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by fjbaby
I would just confront him about it...hey, he left his account open...it's not that she went sneaking onto his screen name, right? I would demand some answers about who these people are.
I agree.
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:10 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by skew
this is a very good point. has there been any other incidents in the past where she doubted his trust? very often friends don't share EVERYTHING about their lives/marriage w/ each other so maybe there is more to the story then what she is telling you.
If that's the case, the first step is to confront him. If she is not satisfied with the answer, they should get professional help or she should leave.
I know it sounds harsh, but I value trust above all else in a marriage. How can you live with someone you can't trust? How can you stay married to someone whose word you can't count on? How do you raise children with someone like that? Whether he is doing something wrong, or she is wrongfully suspicious of something- how can you stay in marriage like that?
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:13 AM |
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skew
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 6794 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is this wrong????
Posted by Shellyesq
Posted by skew
this is a very good point. has there been any other incidents in the past where she doubted his trust? very often friends don't share EVERYTHING about their lives/marriage w/ each other so maybe there is more to the story then what she is telling you.
If that's the case, the first step is to confront him. If she is not satisfied with the answer, they should get professional help or she should leave.
I know it sounds harsh, but I value trust above all else in a marriage. How can you live with someone you can't trust? How can you stay married to someone whose word you can't count on? How do you raise children with someone like that? Whether he is doing something wrong, or she is wrongfully suspicious of something- how can you stay in marriage like that?
again, i agree. however, i have heard way too many stories (thankfully, i have neved had to personally deal w/ it) where spouses have are unfaithful (there are MANY forms) and was not upfront and honest w/ their signifact other. IMO, the behaviors should be apparent and somewhat obviuous but many times that is not the case.
there was one story i heard that a man had 2 families and it was only revealed when each family met at his funeral (i know, over the top and how could each not know but it DOES happen). there was another story not too long ago on here where someone's husband was seen on an online dating site.
her friend needs to handle this in a way that she is most comfortable w/. she is the only one that knows the full story and should respond accordingly.
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| Posted 11/9/05 10:22 AM |
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