Is this normal?

I hate to make a post like this.. I love posts where people are uplifting and encouraging, etc. Unfortunately, this is like the anti-post of the posts that I normally enjoy......

We're in our second medicated IUI cycle and for whatever reason at just 1dpo, I feel like this won't be it for us I don't know why, but I just feel so defeated.. I know it sounds totally ridiculous and my DH even told me this isn't a healthy outlook, but I have the news of the last cycle so fresh in my mind. I just feel like for one reason or another this won't be it.

Last cycle I was obsessing over every little thing and recurrent "could this be a sign" scenarios ... this time I just feel like everything I do is a strike against me being pregnant! Is that nuts or what?! ....... I don't want to do what I did last time and convince myself I'm pregnant when I may very well not be, but I will not make it through this 2ww feeling this horribly defeated negative pit in my stomach! I don't know what it is...

Anyone else go through a period like this? I think this is my body's way of protecting myself from the disappointment I felt just TWO weeks ago (yes, we were lucky enough to enter the 2ww again so soon!!)

My goal is to NOT buy any new pregnancy tests until CD12!! I have some HPTs in the house but they're dollar tree tests and I decided I'd rather use an FRER. I was at Target and resisted the urge!! (totally wish there was a 'pat on the back' icon- hmm maybe that's another one we should vote for! )

In any case, I just felt like venting. This is going to be such a long two weeks!!!

Re: Is this normal?

Hi Pennycat....I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It is only normal to feel this way as sort of a defense mechanism, in my opinion. Just think - you've already gone this far and this is one of those long and steady race against fertility issues. Hang in there and we are always here for you!! I want to give you lots of and lots of for this long 2ww! You can do it!

Re: Is this normal?

You have absolutely no excuse feeling this way From what I remember you had 4 mature follies and that gives you a great chance You should be very optimistic because you have every reason to be I have a very good feeling about this and so should you Keep your mind busy with things that you enjoy doing....like go take a walk in this beautiful weather, sit in the sun and read a book (I did that last week and it was sooo relaxing), go out for dinner, go shopping.... do whatever it is that relaxes you. The body works at its best when it feels good! Promise me you will stay positive I have a good feeliing that in 2 weeks I'll be cheering for you like this

Message edited 4/3/2010 8:05:46 AM.

Re: Is this normal?

IT's the drugs! They have a way of messing with our heads. Happened to me, happens to all of us. Hopefully when you wake up it'll be a 180 degree difference. I can tell you all the reasons to feel positive, but you feel the way you feel. My MIL says it's OK to worry, it's healthy. But don't let it take over your life. Spend 15 minutes a day worrying, get it out of the way and then try to focus on all the good, the positive.

Let yourself dream and plan. For 1 1/2 years I have set myself up for defeat, so when it didn't work, I didn't feel quite as bad. Well, this time I am going for the gusto! I am plannign everything, names, nursery ideas, etc. IF it doesn't work, I will be crushed, but it is what it is. And so far, I like dreaming and plannign WAY better. Feel better sweetie, the sun is shining, go enjoy your day!

Re: Is this normal?

Unfortunately, I've found, that normal goes out the window when it comes to infertility treatments. Some cycles I'm very optimistic and others I feel doomed from the get go. I agree with the PP that I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the hormones.

Don't doubt yourself or feel guilty about your feelings - I think that'll just add more stress. You'll find the strength from somewhere deep down (somewhere you didn't know existed). When you find it, you'll be impressed with yourself and you'll come out better for it.

Most of all, know that you're not alone. We all stand beside you- willing you along, understanding your fears and hoping for the best.

Keep us posted!

Message edited 4/3/2010 1:35:50 PM.

Re: Is this normal?

I could have written your exact same post. We are now going in to our 3rd medicated IUI cycle, and I have zero "hope". I feel its a waste of time and im just filling up space while my doctor fights it out with my insurance to approve us for IVF.

I have been throwing my own pity party for one since last week. Obviously I am no help here because I will not write you a bunch of "fluff" (i.e. oh, you just need to relax")
to make you feel better, it sucks and sometimes you NEED to vent and LET yourself be miserable. No one here is super woman, and it is OK to have bad days, you are entitled!.

I give myself time after every "disappointment", and then I pick myself up and force myself into being a productive member of society, LOL I have been treating myself to a lot of massages, facials, new clothes, etc. I highly recommend being VERY kind to yourself:)) It helps. And no matter what, I know I will come out of this with a baby, period, and you will TOO.

No matter what, know that you are not alone, and we are all here rooting for you, BIG TIME !!! Good luck to you this month!!!!!

Re: Is this normal?

Posted by diva7531

Let yourself dream and plan. For 1 1/2 years I have set myself up for defeat, so when it didn't work, I didn't feel quite as bad. Well, this time I am going for the gusto! I am plannign everything, names, nursery ideas, etc. IF it doesn't work, I will be crushed, but it is what it is. And so far, I like dreaming and plannign WAY better. Feel better sweetie, the sun is shining, go enjoy your day!

Re: Is this normal?

Thank you so much ladies!!!



I really appreciate everyone's words and advice.. I know realistically it's way too soon to feel down about this. Tomorrow will be 3dpo. I know that logically I have every reason to believe that I will be celebrating next week...... It's just so hard, as you all know I absolutely HATE uncertainty. I would rather just KNOW what the answer will be than wait and hope and get disappointed I am SO not an ignorance is bliss kind of girl... I just like to know the facts and deal with it!

Anyway, I know once I go back to work I won't have time to focus on this as much. In the meantime, I have been really good at my 'no-buy' with FRERs!! I plan on breaking that chain by looking for a good deal on them at Costco next weekend!

Re: Is this normal?

I absolutely felt the exact same way you do. DH would always tell me not to stress, to try to trust the process,that one day it would happen for us. I felt like I was always failing and with each failed cycle it would get harder and harder to think about the next cycle. I can't lie and say I ever got to this magical place where I felt like "oh this is the cycle for us", because it didn't. Our last iui I was so convinced AF was coming and it had failed. When I got my BFP it took me a long time to let myself accept that I actually was even pg and to be happy. Fertility treatments takes so much out of you, physically and emotionally and its hard to find people who can relate to how you feel, even our loved ones, because as a woman with a desire to have a child nothing will make it better until you do conceive. However, all you can do is try to be positive, and lean on the people who love you.