Is this crazy or normal?

My baby girl will be 3 weeks tomorrow. I love her more than life itself and I am so happy as a mommy. BUT, sometimes I feel like she looks at me funny, like she is not bonded to me the way I am to her, or as though she doesn't really know I am her mommy. Is that weird or crazy? Am I expecting too much from a newborn. I guess I expect her to smile or something when I talk to her or follow my voice or something. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't even like me. I know I sound nuts and I am embarrased to even write this. Has anyone else ever felt this way????

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

I absolutely felt like this when Ava was first born. I thought she hated me. I think part of it is a normal fear to have, but part of it is most likely hormonal. You're hormones are still leveling out, and you'll probably have all sorts of crazy thoughts over the next, well, haha, those don't go away Anyway, for me, it was the start of post partum depression. I'm certainly not saying that's what is happening to you, but if your feelings continue to intensify and you find yourself overly sad, nervous, etc., talk to your OB about it. Hang in there, she loves you and knows you're her mom. It just takes time to feel and build that bond. It took me over 3 months to get to that point.

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Posted by prncss

I absolutely felt like this when Ava was first born. I thought she hated me.

Anyway, for me, it was the start of post partum depression. I'm certainly not saying that's what is happening to you, but if your feelings continue to intensify and you find yourself overly sad, nervous, etc., talk to your OB about it. .

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Well, just so you know, PPD can show anytime within the first year after giving birth. Some experts even say two years. But quite honestly, it's SUCH an adjustment that you have to expect some bumps in the road. I mean, we feel like we SHOULD have this instand bond with the baby since we've been carrying them around for 9 months, but quite honestly, they're still little strangers to us. It takes a lot longer than three weeks to really get to know someone, especially someone so dependent on you! Cut yourself some slack, you're as normal as can be. I wouldn't even think twice about the PPD comment I made, but I just want to throw it out there just incase. Once your hormones level out and you have a new sense of normalcy, you'll feel a lot better. Don't ignore how you're feeling, talk about it and you will most likely feel better.

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

I think that the beginning is such a crazy time. You have so many emotions and feelings - and you are running on pure adrenaline.

I think we automatically assume that the second the baby is placed in our arms it will be as if we have known them forever, which I don't really feel is the case.

There will come a time when your DD will look at you and you will be the only one who can comfort her. You will be the only one who can make her laugh. You will be her world. Right now she's still trying to figure out where the heck she is - and what happened to that nice dark place she was chillin' in for nine months!

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

I definitely wasn't in bliss when DD was born. Infact...after we came home and all the fun started I really didn't want her. I loved her...but I did not bond with her immediately. I went through a bout of PPD and it was pretty hard for me to find "those feelings" that everyone was always talking about. It took me awhile...but my god...I can't even describe my obsession with her now!!!!

The beginning is a very rough time for new mothers and no one REALLY talks about it. I think a lot of those bad, negative feelings are covered up because we feel we have to instantly bond with our child because so and so did...or have this magnanimus love for them...when in fact I think for most it doesn't really happen that way.

You have to get to know one another...it's a process...but one you'll be sure to get through and just you wait....honestly...I can not believe how much love I've got for DD now.

If you feel yourself disconnecting or having some "thoughts" that you're questioning...call your OB and talk to them (I did)...Just make sure you REACH OUT to someone and let them know what you're feeling.

Everything you're feeling is TOTALLY normal

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

she cant realy focus her eyes right now and she wont smile yet so its not her acting like she doesnt know you, she just cant focus on you. But trusts me, you are her mommy, she heard your voice in her womb so I am sure she loves hearing your voice now.

My DD is a lot more focused now at 5 weeks but its not 100%

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Thank you so much everyone. I hate to bring up such a personal, "taboo" topic and I really appreciate your openess and honesty and advice. I'll give it some time, but if it gets worse I'll bring it up to my dr. I just can't wait until I feel that mutual bond between us.

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

it is totally normal to feel that way since your emotions are totally out of whack. Remember, at 3 weeks there isn't much a baby can do to show any connection to you. They are just not capable. All your DC is focused on is eating, sleep, and taking in the blurry world around them. Of course, you are comfort and they are connected to you at the core but they aren't yet able to express that. The first time I really felt she was connected to me was when she could smile in reaction to something I did. the smiles in the beginning are so random that it wasn't until she really smiled with her whole face/body that I really felt it. As she becomes more and more expressive, i feel she is even more connected to me. Give it time!!!

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Posted by Diana1215


There will come a time when your DD will look at you and you will be the only one who can comfort her. You will be the only one who can make her laugh. You will be her world. Right now she's still trying to figure out where the heck she is - and what happened to that nice dark place she was chillin' in for nine months!

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

Posted by sjm71505

it is totally normal to feel that way since your emotions are totally out of whack. Remember, at 3 weeks there isn't much a baby can do to show any connection to you. They are just not capable. All your DC is focused on is eating, sleep, and taking in the blurry world around them. Of course, you are comfort and they are connected to you at the core but they aren't yet able to express that. The first time I really felt she was connected to me was when she could smile in reaction to something I did. the smiles in the beginning are so random that it wasn't until she really smiled with her whole face/body that I really felt it. As she becomes more and more expressive, i feel she is even more connected to me. Give it time!!!

Re: Is this crazy or normal?

17 months ago I was right there with you. The only difference is, unlike you, I did not have the courage to admit my feelings even to myself. So I totally admire you. I felt terrible that I wanted my life back the way it was. IT sounds awful but it's true. It was almost a resentment toward this little, sweet boy that was supposed to be my World. And the more I thought about how I SHOULD feel, the worse I WOULD feel. It WILL get better, and you WILL find that bond you are looking so much forward to having. For me, I needed help with PPD. I'm not saying that's what is going on with you, but that's what it was for me. Once I got that help, and his face lit up whenever he saw me, it was a new world where he IS my world.... Hang in there!!!! And remember, your feelings are OKAY and you can talk about them or vent about them anytime! Feel free also to FM if you need to vent about things... I've definitely been there along with a lof of other women on this board it seems like...