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Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Is anyone's in-laws staying with them after the birth? I am very nervous about this... It is my first and I feel like I will be very uncomfortable with guests and want to just spend the time with DH and DD alone...
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Posted 5/4/12 4:20 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MaZz
* Lovin my baby girl!!! *
Member since 2/09 6243 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Oh hell no. I've already said I want just me and dh to figure it all out at first. I even said I dont want visitors when we come home. Come see us in the hospital but leave me alone at home LOL. At least until we get the hang of things.
You need to put your foot down before they infect all areas of your new life!  My mom understands fully and has even said to me today that she won't bother me but if I need her, she'll be there. She doesn't want to become overbearing and I was so glad to hear her say that!
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| Posted 5/4/12 4:41 PM |
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Not totally the same, but my mom already said that her and my MIL were going to take turns staying with us. I know my mom will, but doubt my MIL will. I don't mind my mom, but I'm not so sure I can live with MIL for a week. I know she would be helpful and with twins, I'll take it if she offers. That's until she begins to bother me.
I think if both ILs were staying with us for a week it would be more trouble than it's worth.
Message edited 5/4/2012 4:45:27 PM.
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| Posted 5/4/12 4:44 PM |
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cds58019
The loves of my life :)
Member since 6/08 4276 total posts
Name:
Candice
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
If that is how you feel then you shouldspeak up now about it. There's going to be a million things for you to learn, figure out, keep track of on top of the normal things that have to go on in your house. The absolute last thing you should have to deal with is being uncomfortable.
How far away do they live? Can you tell them "I really appreciate you wanting to help out right away but we want to get on a routine ourselves before we deal with guests. We'll let you know as soon as we're ready for you to stay with us!"
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| Posted 5/4/12 4:45 PM |
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Cacarina
Two girls!
Member since 12/09 2971 total posts
Name:
Cari
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Uh, NO. My mom might stay a few nights, but no f-ing way do I want my MIL staying with us. Not that I don't like her or anything, but I am easily annoyed by anyone other than my immediate family (and even they annoy me) and the last thing I need is added stress and other people's opinions after having a baby.
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| Posted 5/4/12 4:46 PM |
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wo0shply
LIF Adult
Member since 11/08 2702 total posts
Name:
Tass
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
My MIL will stay with DH when hes on paternity, hes terrified of being left alone with baby so he wanted supervision. LOL
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| Posted 5/4/12 4:46 PM |
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
How do I convince DH to tell his parents that they can't come... he is such a wimp when it comes to them... any advice?
Message edited 5/4/2012 5:01:00 PM.
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:00 PM |
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cantwait84
LIF Infant
Member since 5/08 106 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
just say no. tell her you want time alone, with out overnight guests to get the hang of things. call or email with a list of local hotels, if they are coming in from out of town.
please dont feel bad saying no. its your experience and having a baby is stressful enough with out adding more stress to the mix.
i want to add that my in laws live out of town. me and my mother in law are not that close and i dont even want them staying at my place while im in the hospital. i will be sending an email with a list of local hotels. btw, i dont even want my own parents staying with me. im just a private person and need my alone time.
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:01 PM |
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BBin2012
Full heart!
Member since 8/11 1835 total posts
Name:
Ka
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Posted by Cacarina
Uh, NO. My mom might stay a few nights, but no f-ing way do I want my MIL staying with us. Not that I don't like her or anything, but I am easily annoyed by anyone other than my immediate family (and even they annoy me) and the last thing I need is added stress and other people's opinions after having a baby.
THIS! Thank god my mommy is going to be there though...I am nervous!! 
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:06 PM |
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luckysmom
Yes it is! Going as planned:)
Member since 6/07 5339 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Nope! This is #3. I will have 20 month old twin at home. She will take 2 week off after my csection and his mom told him she can take a week off when he goes back to help me out. I said no. I would like it to be just me and my kids
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:15 PM |
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springsandra
Baby girl has a baby brother!
Member since 11/09 7155 total posts
Name:
Sandra
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
If they want to come, they should stay somewhere else (like a hotel or with another friend) and come over for a few hours a day -- TO LET YOU SLEEP. PERIOD. (And maybe cook you some meals.)
No making you go out of your way, no cleaning up after them -- no being GUESTS. If they're going to be around, it's to help, or they shouldn't come at all.
My SIL came to visit a few weeks after DD was born and she brought her 2 kids who ran amuck in her house while she sat with my DD sleeping on her while *I* ran around chasing them... on a whole 30 minutes sleep! I am still livid over it and probably will never forgive her completely for her selfishness. At one point, my MIL was tired and laid down on the FLOOR because SIL was stretched out on the couch... and MIL was battling a brain tumor and cancer at the time. SELFISH SELFISH RIDICULOUS.
Best thing is to set out ground rules now while you're not too tired to fight or argue.
I don't think I ever understood just how sleep deprived I'd be at the beginning until it happened.
Also make sure your DH is cool with sharing your boobs because if you're planning to BF, they'll be out all the time.
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:18 PM |
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KimberlyScott
Graceyn=My World <3
Member since 10/08 4173 total posts
Name:
Kimberly
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
I wish my DH could answer this post!-LOL
My parents are coming in tonight from OOS (I'm due in 2.5 weeks) and they are staying for a while. He is being super supportive about it since it's their first grandchild and I owe him big time for this!
Ideally even I would like them to stay for a few weeks then come home and come back so we have some time just the 3 of us before I go back to work BUT, 3000 miles is a lot to ask of the 2x plus the cost of airfare.
Hopefully its something that I can casually bring up once they are here.
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| Posted 5/4/12 5:19 PM |
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
I'd tell them no from the beginning before they start getting ideas. There is no reason they can't stay at a hotel and come by during the day if you are up to it. If DH won't say something then you should. I always word it as"DH and I feel" when address issues with ILs because DH either won't say anything or will say it so mean.
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| Posted 5/4/12 6:38 PM |
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Cheeks24
Living a dream
Member since 1/08 8589 total posts
Name:
Cheeks
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
I asked my MIL to take off a week or 2 when DH goes back to work only to be with me for a few hours during the day.
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| Posted 5/4/12 8:13 PM |
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Mrs213
????????
Member since 2/09 18986 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
No
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| Posted 5/4/12 8:34 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
My parents live in fl so they stayed with us for a week. If I let my parents stay I never would have said no to DH is he roles were reversed. Honestly am a first time mom and it is not difficult. My mom cleaned up for me but I cooked and took care of the baby. Newborns are easy. It gets difficult as they get older.
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| Posted 5/4/12 8:47 PM |
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gsgirls1
LIF Toddler
Member since 11/08 421 total posts
Name:
St Gerard and God, thank you for our blessing
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
hell no. I don't even want visitors at the hospital, but know they will come. I am telling family, including parents, no visitors for 2 weeks. I want time with DH, me and baby. It will be our only child so this is very special to us.
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| Posted 5/4/12 9:02 PM |
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PrettyPeonies
GAW my baby boy <3
Member since 8/10 3874 total posts
Name:
Pino
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Ugh this is source of MAJOR anxiety for me. My IL's live a few blocks from us so I can see MIL trying to spend every waking hour at our house. I already told DH I don't want them or anyone over when we come home. he seemed upset by it but I'm sure in the end he will listen if I need him to be the enforcer.
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| Posted 5/4/12 9:55 PM |
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OrganicMama
So in love with my little man!
Member since 6/08 5172 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Posted by springsandra
If they want to come, they should stay somewhere else (like a hotel or with another friend) and come over for a few hours a day -- TO LET YOU SLEEP. PERIOD. (And maybe cook you some meals.)
No making you go out of your way, no cleaning up after them -- no being GUESTS. If they're going to be around, it's to help, or they shouldn't come at all
EXACTLY THIS. My IL's live 10 minutes away and they came over at like 11am and stayed until 10pm and did absolutely NOTHING to help, they only made more work for me and DH. Plus they expected to be fed and entertained. All they wanted to do was hang around and hold DS whenever they got a chance, and frankly I didn't want to let go of him to anyone because he was in the NICU and we didn't get the appropriate time to bond and
learn to nurse. At that point I didn't have the voice to speak up for myself so I harbored a lot of resentment. After a few days of this I had DH call his parents and say not to come over AT ALL for the rest of the week. I was so overwhelmed and in tears, and it took a lot to convince him to call them. He told them I needed time along with DS and my mom was there to help (she actually helped and suggested I speak up, she was staying with us from OOT).
From everything I've read with you and your IL's, you may have a lot of issues with them after your DD is born. Have some serious conversations with your DH and don't be afraid to speak up. If your DH won't say anything, then you might have to or it will cause a lot of problems. My DH sucks at confrontation and it was causing major problems in our marriage, so I have since learned that I have to speak up. If I'm the *****, so be it. I have to be for them to keep their mouths shut about my parenting and for it not to cause problems in my marriage. It took me a year and a half after DS was born to realize all this and things have been a MILLION times better since then.
Talk to your DH, explain how you feel. Let him know you want it to be just the 3 of you, you need your own time as a new family to bond and figure things out for yourself. Tell him you want to limit ALL visitors so he doesn't think you're singling his family out. And make it clear that they are there to HELP. Good luck!
ETA: I agree with the PP that said if you need to tell them yourself, address it as "DH and I feel".
Message edited 5/4/2012 10:13:32 PM.
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| Posted 5/4/12 10:10 PM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
I would absolutely not want anyone staying with us. I don't even want visitors for the first few days or maybe the first week until I feel recovered from delivery and until DH and I get the hang of things by ourselves. Plus I feel like thise first few days at home getting to know your newborn are so precious and you and your DH have every right to not want anyone there interfering with that special time. I'm normally not good at speaking up for myself, especially with my inlaws, but in this case I don't have a problem with just being honest and telling them we want to be left alone at fisrt and we'll let them know when we're ready for visitors.
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| Posted 5/4/12 10:39 PM |
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Loveme
LIF Adult
Member since 6/11 3170 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
Speaking from experience, my MIL came to visit a few times when DS was a newborn. It was HELL. She did everything from comment on how I was dressing him, to telling me I don't have enugh breast milk to feed him. And she insisted on holding him every minute!!
And I consider our relationship to be a good one, I can't even imqgine if we didn't get along how she would act.
I eventually broke down to DH and he said he supports me 100% and told MIL to give us some space for a few days. Thank God she stopped the daily visits, and when she comes she keeps her mouth shut.
Don't be afraid to speak up and to set limits!! 
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| Posted 5/5/12 8:37 AM |
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dazies827
expecting boy # 3
Member since 9/09 2522 total posts
Name:
Chris
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
My inlaws live in PA, so they are coming for a week but, not staying with us, Thank God!!! I told my hubby the day we come home I dont want anyone there until later on, if that. I also told him they WILL NOT come un announced, they will call 1st to see if it is ok. We also have an agreement that if his mother starts to upset me he is kicking her out.
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| Posted 5/5/12 9:03 AM |
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Lina
My angel is finally here
Member since 5/10 2559 total posts
Name:
Lindsay
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Re: Is anyone's In-Laws staying with them after the birth?
My parents live out of town and they had to schedule their trip knowing that it might not match up with when the baby is born. They are planning on staying with us until the baby is born and then go to a hotel. If the baby is born before they get here then they will just go right to a hotel. They understand that it's going to be hard to adjust with a new baby and dont want to be in our way. I am glad they will be here to help but also glad they will be staying somewhere else.
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| Posted 5/5/12 9:08 AM |
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