Intro and question

Hi! Figured I would introduce my second along with my first question/cry for help hehe.
My daughter Autumn Elizabeth was born at home (whoops) on May 25th and is doing great. Her big brother Carter is 3yo and while he seems to mostly be smitten with his sister (or ignores her), I feel terrible with all the time I spend nursing/preparing to nurse etc because he is used to playing with me or being outside all the time. What do I do with a 3 yo who is acting out while I'm trying to nurse (throws things at me to get attention or is generally obnoxious)? He is not the type to sit and look at books by himself (or play independently much at all to be honest). I am not great at nursing and really need to be positioned correctly/sitting on a couch etc to get her latched on and feeding well so am not very mobile while I'm nursing and my DD takes a LONG time to eat (like her brother did).
TV or iPad works but I feel like a failure sitting him in front of the TV all day.
Suggestions?? and thank you!

Intro and question

Your children are beautiful -- and congrats on #2. I do not have a second yet, but wanted to stop in and say to not beat yourself up. If TV works or IPAD or something else great. This time will pass and DS 1 will be OK. Im sure some BTDT moms will have some great advice, but all I can say is you are NOT a failure. :)

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I am typically anti- electronics, but my DD watched a crap load of TV/iPad when my second was born. I felt terrible about it, but it was either that or have her feel ignored, so it worked. Remind yourself that it's temporary, and you are basically in survival mode at this point. you have to do what you need to do to make everyone happy, including yourself and letting your older one watch TV for a few weeks is okay, no damage will be done. Nursing is hard and it demands a lot of attention from you at the very beginning.
In my opinion it's better to let him watch some TV now then have him act out all these negative behaviors and you having to constantly give correction or discipline.

My little one is now nine months old and I feel like I'm neglecting her at this point because I'm taking the older one out to do so many things. It's like a cycle of guilt but really it's totally unnecessary.

Hang in there mama everything is a phase and everything shall pass. Do what works for you For now and don't feel guilty.

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Totally appreciate these thoughts. I think I beat myself up about it all the time which is just making it worse. I keep feeling like if he's not watching tv then he is getting in trouble and I hate to constantly yell at him when his whole world has changed and mommy is suddenly not "available". I think I just have to loosen up on the tv thing and no it's not "forever" but it is defiitely tough. I have even considered going to bottle feeding (pumped or formula) just to give myself more flexibility but then I feel guilty about that too since I BF my DS till he weaned (and pumped at work)
This isn't to say he didn't watch tv before, he did; but we limited it to about 30-45 minutes per day (2 short shows). Also the more he watches movies or tv the more he gets obsessed/demanding about watching more of it which makes it tough too.

Message edited 6/30/2015 4:18:03 PM.

Re: Intro and question

Could he hold a book and you read it to him while feeding the baby. How about playing simon says or a game like that.
I wouldn't worry about the to much electronics as everyone says its a short phase.

Intro and question

Yeah, i agree with the others... if the TV/Ipad are giving you a chance to BF #2, then so be it. As my mom has told me numerous times since DS was born, my brother and I watched a ton of TV compared to today's standards of "NO TV". We both are successful, well adjusted, and neither of us have ADHD.

ETA: I just wanted to add a suggestion, and I don't even know how feasible it is (since I don't have 2 yet), but maybe if he could help you in some way.... like can you bring mommy the boppy, can you do this for the baby, etc, so he feels involved... again, really don't know how feasible this is. I see no problem with using the tV/IPAD if that's what works!

Message edited 6/30/2015 4:23:21 PM.

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I have an almost 2.5 year old and a 6 week old. The TV and iPad are my saviors. I baby wear to take DS outside to play or take them both for walks in the double stroller.

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It helps to have another person while you get used to breast feeding.

Get some new toys that promote independent play (kitchen, train table, dollhouse).

Then, tell him you are busy & he has to play alone at times.

I'd punish for throwing things.

You can use TV, but IMO, by 3 he should be able to play by himself. Save TV for the super hard times or for a reward.

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I am right there with you - with a 2 1/2 year old DD and a 5 week old. I feel super guilty about the TV time - but it's really hard. This post makes me feel better. The timing probably isn't for everyone but we are working hard on potty training now - so I try to line up my feeding the baby with having my older DD sit on the potty while the TV is on - still not ideal and the potty training has been supremely unsuccessful - but it makes me feel slightly less guilty.

Your kiddos are SUPER cute!

Message edited 6/30/2015 9:06:35 PM.

Re: Intro and question

Intro and question

Congrats, they are beautiful! Just wanted to say hang in there. I would do what world for the time being and not feel guilty. Hopefully within a few more wells the baby will be better at latching and you can be more mobile. Maybe try to get a good set up with a comfy chair,pillow, and shade outside so you can feed and he can play. Inside you can try play dough, watercolor painting, new games but if tv is what works in the end then don't feel bad. This is a rough adjustment period. Also, when it comes to sleeping my girls share a room and dd1 has gotten used to it and now sleeps through all kinds of noise she didn't used to.

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I wouldn't feel so bad about the tv and video games as long as the apps are educational and the tv is varied.

But I would also suggest different games, maybe something you can play verbally while nursing. Like my 3 year old loves memory cards. We display them picture side up and just make a matching game out of it. So she has to set up the cards and arrange them all. And then I'll look at the cards and ask her to find the matching ones and she goes and collects the matches and brings them to me or puts them in a pile. That way you don't have to move or interact too much but he can still be playing with you.

Maybe he would also be willing to sit and play independently if it was new? maybe 1 time a week something new wrapped for that week? Like a puzzle or coloring books?

Does he color? For my DD coloring didn't hold her interest until I introduced markers instead of crayons. Now with the markers she will sit independently for hours and color and draw. And they are super washable, I haven't had a problem with them yet. Actually sometimes crayons cause worse problems! Maybe you can have nursing time be independent art time?

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does he still nap? he should be napping or having quiet time 1x per day, it might help him catch up on some sleep. I know my dd slept a lot during the day but never at night...