I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I had a very nice morning with DS, we went to Target and he was a doll. I dropped him off at my mom's house for just an hours so I could go out and do additional errands.

When I went to pick him up he did the usual cry when he saw me and ran to my mom (because he didn't want to leave). I picked him up and sat him on the table and put his jacket on. All the time he was crying and then for the first time ever he bit my hand. I told him no in my angry voice with my finger pointing to him NO! and then he smacked my hand. I told him NO! again & smacked his hand. He looked surprised that I did that.

On the ride home he didn't cry in the car (even when I put him in) I think he knew I was upset and I still was. Every time I pull in the driveway and shut the car off I turn around and do funny faces to make him laugh. This time I just turned around with a mad face and he didn't do anything. This is telling me that he knows I was upset.

I brought him in, changed him and put him right into his crib and closed the door. Usually for his afternoon nap I rock him to sleep so this upset him even more. I went in sat on the rocker and he actually walked to me to pick him up and rock him. He hugged my neck and all I told him you need to be nice to mommy and I kissed him and rubbed his back.

This was the first time I really ever yelled at him and smacked his hand. It got me really upset almost to the point of tears. I'm almost 6 months pregannt too and I don't know if my hormones participated in this. I'm sure it did

Can you please tell me how you would discipline an 18 month old who smacked and bit you? He never did this before usually he just smacks himself when he is really upset so this bothers me too. Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

this happends to my brother my nephew never wants to leave screams and crys. but i remember he did hit and bite my brother because he refused to leave. my brother puts him in time out or he tells him say your sorry that helps him.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I think you reacted the way I would have just because you were so upset(being pregnant doesn't help, believe me!) but probably hitting him back wasn't the way to go. It just teaches that hitting is ok. I think that he needed to be told No again, and then taken to the car and told once he was in his seat that Mommy was very upset that he hit and bit her and that she wanted to hear he was sorry. I think you probably didn't have to continue the punishment to extend to nap routine. Once he came to you, you could explain again why you were upset and that you hoped he wouldn't do it again.

It so hard though- all of this advice is just sitting at my computer, not upset at all. When I get upset with DD, it's so hard not to lose it completely. It's just so frustrating.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

i think you did the right thing. you need to be firm and tough. i really think that is key. i am pretty tough w/ my DD and though it hurts to be the "bad guy" it is better you do it now rather than when it is too late and they are older and even more fresh. in the long run it is the best. my DD always cries then 10 minutes later she is over it. don't worry about him being upset with you. it's your job to be the mom and not his best friend.

edited to add that i do agree with the above poster that hitting back is not the best way to go. i have done it before and it is counter productive b/c it does teach them it's ok to hit which you don't want. i usually do a time out in that case.

Message edited 4/4/2009 1:47:26 PM.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

The first time something like this happens we tend to 'react' - so you didn't do anything 'wrong', but now you can use the experience to determine the best way to handle it going forward!

I do not thinking smacking his hand was your best option - but I realize you probably did it partly out of surprise. When you smack him you are kind of sending a message that hitting is okay 'sometimes' and at 18 months they are really too young to process why or when. A repeated firm NO might have been a better course of action.

I think telling your son WHY you were upset and hugging him and telling him how to avoid getting you upset again was fantastic! I probably would have skipped putting him in his room - because sometimes little ones don't really 'connect the dots' so he might get confused as to why he is getting put down without being rocked. The incident was in the store, he was corrected .. and then the punishment continued. Your way was effective, but I'm not sure he understands why he was put in the room.

Of course.. these are just my own thoughts. And I am by NO MEANS a perfect mom!

All said I think you did well and I am so sorry that you are upset. This mommy stuff is hard work and you are doing great! Hang in there!

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I think you did what you thoguht was right at the time. I probably would've done the same.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

Thanks for your replies. I agree I shouldn't have continued when we got home and I regretted smacking his hand as soon as I did it. He is way too young to understand. I also like the idea of having my mom get him ready for me. Maybe even have her walk him to the car. Thanks for the advice everyone

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

Dont be upset with yourself, there is no manual

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I started very short time outs around this age. I read somewhere that kids emulate parents so if you smack them when you're angry they think that's an appropriate response to their own anger. We used to shout no when he was bad and at 27 months we are still trying to unteach this as he screams no loud when he doesn't like something we do. Now we give him no attention at all and briefly explain why just before. When he cools off we hug and talk about why what he did was wrong and he verbalizes it. They also don't have much understanding for being in trouble beyond a few moments so holding a grudge might be a little confusing.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I think that you should have stopped disciplining him after you told him no (when he bit you and smacked you)

At 18 months old, he can't make the connection that the reason why Mommy isn't rocking me to sleep is because I bit her 30 minutes ago, kwim?

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

Honestly, for ME personally, I think smacking his hand for smacking your is counter productive. That teaches him that it is accepteable to smack you when he is upset, like you did

Sorry, I know how frustrating it can be but I really think Time outs are more effective

hope you don't take this the wrong way as it is JMHO

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

Honestly, i think you carried out the "punishment" for too long. You told him no, you smacked his hand, you didn't do your usual silly faces, and you didn't rock him to sleep. All of that combined is just too harsh and drawn out for an 18 month old IMO. In the future, I would give a stern no and perhaps try a time out, then get on with the day.

Re: I'm upset right now (almost in tears) & need advice on how to discipline an 18 month old

I am sorry you felt upset.

At 18 mos with my boy, I was pretty stern. I also tend to carry things out.

If I was to be hit or bit, I first look at situation. Is he hungry, tired? Am I at fault? did I over do it and he's needy right now?

If he's just being fresh...I will give a no and slap him back. I have pulled his hair after he pulled mine, I also bit him.

I know he's a smartie at 18 mos. I always expect a lot from him.

I am not a real fan of time out. I can't live my life with a chair, a timer. I like to make a big deal out of bad behavior, I like him to know I am going to flip and things are unacceptable. I never had time out, neither did my siblings or cousins. We were all really good, respectful kids.