I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

I've posted before about what an easy baby DS was, however lately be it teething or not being mobile yet, he has really turned into a major crank pot. Afternoons are especially trying on the nerves and ears

Anyway...I dropped DS off at my mom (who watches him 3 days a week while I work) as I was going on an interview. When i picked him, she told me that he drove her nuts until she gave him the pacifier. W-T-F? My son is 8 months old and never took a pacifier. So asked my mother what the frig she was talking about and she admited that she "always" gives him one when he "wants" it but has hidden it from me because I dont "dont approve" but I'm actually "DEPRIVING DS OF THE COMFORT THAT HE TRULY NEEDS." I ended the conversation right there and stormed out. When i got home DS was in rare form and I did an experiment....i dug into the very back of the kitchen cabinet and found a pacifier that has been sitting there for 8 months and gave it to DS. He is now sucking away, content, and happy as a clam. So now, what do I do? Do i start (or actually CONTINUE) what my mother has started and give DS a pacifier at 8 months? Is this something that he is looking for because he is teething. Secondly...what the fluck do I do about my mother?

ETS:

I am not against pacifers and actually I had bought many before DS was born (which is why I had them in the house). DS just never took to them. He would actually choke on them when I gave them to him. I chocked it up to one less thing I'd have to wean him off of as he got older. Over the months if DS would get a little cranky, my mother would make idiotic comments like "Oh just shove a binki in his mouth" or "why not stick something in his mouth to shut him up." I always kept my cool and would just simply say "DS doesnt take a binki...why give him one if clearly he doesnt need one?"

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

Message edited 6/9/2010 6:10:39 PM.

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

I don't know what you should do about the pacifier, I mean it's not the worse thing in the world, but I will say your mom has some real nerve! Whether she agrees with you or not on things it's not her place to make decisions regarding your DC. And then she hides it from you????? I love my mom but I would strangle her if she did such a thing. I understand your upset, I would be livid. Absolutely livid. I think at the very least you should have a looooooong talk with your mom about boundaries because the last thing you want is to find out she's been doing something with him or feeding him something that you don't approve of. KWIM? Sorry about what happened.

Message edited 6/9/2010 5:22:50 PM.

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

Babies have a desire to suck. If you offered it to him and he didn't want it that is one thing, but now that you know that he wants it, give it to him. It is there for his comfort.
As for your Mom - well, the fact that she was hiding it from you was very wrong. You are the Mother and what you say goes. You need to tell her that. I wouldn't ruin your relationship over this, but let her know you are serious and she can't keep any secrets when it comes to your child.

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

what would i do if ds is a complete crankpot and thats the only thing that soothes him???? give him the paci...
seems to soothe him bc he is teething and that is a comfort.



as far as ur mom - i dont think she gave ur ds a paci out of malice. she prob saw it soothed him and gave it to him. she was wrong not to initally tell u but perhaps she thought u would get mad that she was gave it to him

If u never gave ds a paci how did ur mom have one? did she go out and buy one or did u give it to her initally?

i would talk to ur mom and tell her that while u know shes looking for her grandsons best interest - u are the mom and if she sees something that my work for him she should consult with u b4 to see u are both on the same page

btw how did the job interview go? tuesday playdate ?

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

Posted by WNA01

what would i do if ds is a complete crankpot and thats the only thing that soothes him???? give him the paci...
seems to soothe him bc he is teething and that is a comfort.



as far as ur mom - i dont think she gave ur ds a paci out of malice. she prob saw it soothed him and gave it to him. she was wrong not to initally tell u but perhaps she thought u would get mad that she was gave it to him

If u never gave ds a paci how did ur mom have one? did she go out and buy one or did u give it to her initally?

i would talk to ur mom and tell her that while u know shes looking for her grandsons best interest - u are the mom and if she sees something that my work for him she should consult with u b4 to see u are both on the same page

btw how did the job interview go? tuesday playdate ?

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

Posted by WNA01

what would i do if ds is a complete crankpot and thats the only thing that soothes him???? give him the paci...
seems to soothe him bc he is teething and that is a comfort.



as far as ur mom - i dont think she gave ur ds a paci out of malice. she prob saw it soothed him and gave it to him. she was wrong not to initally tell u but perhaps she thought u would get mad that she was gave it to him

If u never gave ds a paci how did ur mom have one? did she go out and buy one or did u give it to her initally?

i would talk to ur mom and tell her that while u know shes looking for her grandsons best interest - u are the mom and if she sees something that my work for him she should consult with u b4 to see u are both on the same page

btw how did the job interview go? tuesday playdate ?

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD?

I am not against pacifers and actually I had bought many before DS was born (which is why I had them in the house). DS just never took to them. He would actually choke on them when I gave them to him. I chocked it up to one less thing I'd have to wean him off of as he got older. Over the months if DS would get a little cranky, my mother would make idiotic comments like "Oh just shove a binki in his mouth" or "why not stick something in his mouth to shut him up." I always kept my cool and would just simply say "DS doesnt take a binki...why give him one if clearly he doesnt need one?"

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

Posted by Domino

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

Posted by Palebride

Posted by Domino

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

You stop that right now!
You are not a bad mother for not knowing that she was giving him a pacifier behind your back!
What SHE should have done....was give the pacifier a try one day, and if it worked, let you know that he liked it. Not keep it from you so that he was miserable when not in her presence.....which is just selfish on her part.
YOU did nothing wrong! But I would continue to use the pacifier now that you know.
And I would also speak to your mother about how hurt you are that she kept this from you. Be clear that you are not against the pacifier use....but you're hurt that she wasn't up front with you....and it's hard enough not being able to be with him all day long...you need to have her on your side!

Message edited 6/9/2010 8:20:43 PM.

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

Posted by Palebride

Posted by Domino

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

You stop that right now!
You are not a bad mother for not knowing that she was giving him a pacifier behind your back!
What SHE should have done....was give the pacifier a try one day, and if it worked, let you know that he liked it. Not keep it from you so that he was miserable when not in her presence.....which is just selfish on her part.
YOU did nothing wrong! But I would continue to use the pacifier now that you know.
And I would also speak to your mother about how hurt you are that she kept this from you. Be clear that you are not against the pacifier use....but you're hurt that she wasn't up front with you....and it's hard enough not being able to be with him all day long...you need to have her on your side!

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

You are not a bad mother! My first son never wanted anything to do with the pacifier and DS2 definitely was dependent on it up until 2 weeks ago when I took it away. Yup..I took it away because I didn't want him having it at daycare and wanted to wean him myself (why should daycare suffer, right?). When you do something like that you have to compensate. We gave my son a lovey that we use to cuddle with him as he nods off to sleep. We hold him more, we sing to him, talk to him and bounce with him to help soothe him.

I think that your mother was out of line. If you do not give him the pacifier and he manages without it there is no reason for her to do it. She said it herself, "he drove her nuts," so she gave it to him to keep him quiet basically. He needed more interaction, more comfort from her and he would have been okay. What would bother me more is that she intentionally did it behind your back...never once trying to talk to you about it.

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

I remember how I was slightly psychotic about what I wanted for my kids. If anything did something like that I'd blow a gasket. I'd make it about not respecting me as the mom, etc. In fact I think I made no bones about telling people if they stepped out of line, my mom was scared to step on toes.

Now in retrospect, I'd look at it this way:

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

Posted by Palebride

Posted by Domino

Now I feel like a bad mother. Now I feel like my mother DOES know best and I was depriving DS of the comfort he needs. Now I feel like my confidence is shaken because if she is right about this what else is she right about? Propping bottles? Breast feeding being disgusting? Not picking DS up when he crys so he doesnt get spoiled? Then I get irrationally angry and resentful that I cant stay home F/T with DS and parent him like I want to. I am having a bad day I guess

You stop that right now!
You are not a bad mother for not knowing that she was giving him a pacifier behind your back!
What SHE should have done....was give the pacifier a try one day, and if it worked, let you know that he liked it. Not keep it from you so that he was miserable when not in her presence.....which is just selfish on her part.
YOU did nothing wrong! But I would continue to use the pacifier now that you know.
And I would also speak to your mother about how hurt you are that she kept this from you. Be clear that you are not against the pacifier use....but you're hurt that she wasn't up front with you....and it's hard enough not being able to be with him all day long...you need to have her on your side!

Re: I'm Really Ticked Off - Mom Vent/Pacifier WWYD? EDITED

I don't think your mother knew best in this scenario. And I'd be sooooooo mad! She went be hind your back andgave your child a Pacifier and got him hooked on it. And now he has probably been fussing and wanting the pacifier, but because she hid it from you you were not able to give your son what he wanted. Your mother made her grandson unhappy because he wanted a binki and you didn't know. I'd be FURIOUS! You can give it or not at this point, but you need for your mother to be on board with your decision.