if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

i know i can adopt or do egg donor. this is what people tell me.

but seriously.

i am not rich. or well off.

so sometimes when i hear this...i just get sooo angry and want to say... " then give me 30 grand and i wont worry about it"

but truly...we are okay to have a baby...but not be able to come up with that kind of money to adopt or egg donor route.
how do people do this?


i just keep trying to tell myself it will happen somehow but then the money part gets to me and i feel sooo defeated.

wow what a rant! sorry bout that but its something on my mind alot lately. grrr

Message edited 4/28/2011 11:28:38 PM.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

I know what you mean. Yes, there are tons of options for becoming parents out there. That doesn't mean all those options are available/doable for everyone, people just don't seem to understand that.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

For some reason DH keeps saying this to me...."Its alright...we can adopt..."

And I kinda because its as if he hasnt looked in our bank account....or looked at our small two bedroom coop....or looked t a million OTHER things that point to adoption beinga L...O....N...G....expensive process....

Message edited 4/29/2011 10:34:06 AM.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

Rant away girl!

Ugh! People have NO clue! Sure it's an option and easier if you have $$$. I had someone tell me "you can always adopt" when I mentioned IF issues. I was so mad b/c first off, we aren't even near that point yet if if you dont have a clue what medicated or IUI cycles are and that there are other things you can try before adoption then shut the front door. This is part of why I don't discuss things with people.

I had someone tell me, oh it's free, you can adopt through foster care, but the parents have visitation rights .

I know several people who adopted both from the states and internationally and even foster care and it was AT LEAST $40,000 (maybe not forster care) and a whole long drawn out stressfull process. People have no clue and say- oh, its so easy.

I won't even get into the whole thing of how my mother in law thinks that if you are married for 3 years and don't have a kid yet that you are selfish and must not want kids. In her little world, everyone TTC on their honeymoon and if they don't have kids by 3 years, they should just adopt because that's what SHE would do. Not assuming they might have IF issues and may or may not be trying or that maybe they want to be married for a few years before TTC. (ok, so, maybe I will get into it )

She doesn't know we are TTC or anything about the IF issues and never will b/c of this comment. She said this about her friends daughter.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

People don't get it A friend at work asked me at what point we would just considered adoption. I thought it was such an intrusive, personal question for a coworker to be asking!!

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

I actually told a person that once, that it would be very nice if they would like to fund an adoption, I'd be all over it. People just don't get it and they never will. It's doubly cruel to have to deal with IF and have to deal with the financial issues of adoption/donor eggs (or paying OOP). I keep praying for you.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

People just think that babies are there for the picking when it comes to adoption. It's shocking really how much adoption costs. Have you considered doing donor eggs outside of the U.S.? It's usually a fraction of the cost. Several ladies on another board I belong to just came back from ZLin CZ and are now pregnant after years of frustration.

I also know of a few that have opted for donor embryos which are a lot cheaper than donor eggs. Since I am African-American, I'm thinking of going to Barbados for a donor egg cycle when I am done trying with my own eggs. About 10,000 for a full cycle and less than 5,000 for a shared cycle. I honestly would not even consider donor eggs if adoption were cheaper or easier here in the U.S. I realized that donor eggs outside of the U.S would be cheaper than adoption and at least the baby would have my DH's genetics.

Message edited 4/29/2011 10:48:18 AM.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

yeeah honestly im sick of hearing that

"oh but you can adopt so dont worry"

okay...thanks for the "comfort"

i wish people would shut their stupid mouths.

all i want to hear is "i'm so sorry, your time will come"

not "oh but you can just adopt!" as if that solves all my f-ing problems

sooo tired of people

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

If I were you... i'd actually say that.
I'd even think of it as learning/a lesson for the ignorant.

Re: if i never get pregnant or or miscarry again...

The adoption things drives me crazy. I love how people make comments about things they have no connection to. The first obstacle for us with adoption is emotionally accepting that we won't have a baby that is genetically ours. We've already had to accept that we might need to use donor sperm, but this is the next step. Each new disappointment brings another step that we have to accept. It's so difficult. I would adsolutely adopt down the road, but it's not that easy.

The next obstable is the money. I don't know who told these people that adoption is easy or cheap. First, I don't have the $30,000 because every cent I have has gone into three failed cycles. Actually, I'm in debt from the three failed cycles. I'm sure that will look great when they check every aspect of my life to make sure DH and I are "fit" parents. We also rent so that should make us even more desirable. Awesome.

People drive me crazy.