I need to work on my patience with my kids

Any tips/tricks?



(And I swear to god if you already answered this on Facebook I will hunt you down and force you to watch Cars 546374 times in a row.)

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I seriously wish I knew.

Ive tried everything, but I think I need medication.

Good luck

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I'd love to know the answer myself.

I find myself snapping VERY quickly lately


Sorry that didn't help

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I always take a deep breath and think of how lucky I am that they are here....and I think that god forbid if anything bad happened, would this moment upset me as much?

It kind of puts things in perspective, KWIM?

But I know it's not easy. Especially since you're an Ex-Pat SAHM now.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

wine

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

i was going to reply with a combo of the 2 above posts.

i found myself snapping too frequently recently. i realized how little they are. how much i mean to them. how much i affect their happiness, and how much they mean to me. since then, i make a much bigger effort to take a deep breath, relax, and let more little things go. they are better, and i am better. and when even that's not working....a nice big glass of delicious wine. ;)

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Don't we all

In all seriousness, sometimes it just takes a break from them. If i feel like i'm going to lose it, i go to the other room, give myself a minute to calm down and then go back.

And if that doesn't work, a glass of wine always does the trick!

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I know I only have 1 toddler, but what helps me is when I notice i'm getting frustrated or saying no a lot I remember my mom. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and we have a great relationship now, but as a kid it was helll. I was terrified of her and she always made feel scared, stupid, and sad. I swore I would not be like that with my kids. When I notice my patience winding down I hug Emmy and just say I love you more then anything and you're just a baby. I'm the adult and I never want you to be afraid of me. I know it looks and sounds silly, but it helps put it into perspective for me. I'm afraid if I start down this path now I won't stop it when she's really old enough to get it.

Now talk to me in a year when I am a sahm still and I have 2 kids 22-23montsh apart...I may have another answer!!!!

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Sometimes I go to bed at night and make a promise to myself to be more patient. I feel so bad. Then the next day, DD does something to drive me nuts! And it starts again.

I have no answer. But you're not alone.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I will tell them that they are annoying me and I'm losing my patience. I'll even tell them that I'm working hard to not yell but they are making it hard on me. They usually settle down for a bit after that which gives me a chance to catch a breath and calm down.

A reward chart worked wonders for us when I was trying to get them to stop whining at one point. I'd let them pick the reward they were working toward, and depending on what it was I'd decided how many days they had to be whine free. They usually picked stuff like going to the park to fly kites, going bowling, mini-golf, etc.

If they are yelling and not stopping when asked I'll start talking/yelling at them. "Do you like when I talk to you like this? Because I don't like it when you do this to me, and I think you don't like it either." Generally works to get them to stop yelling.

Redirect - I'll pull out a movie, book, craft or game we haven't played in a while to get them to settle down and work on a quieter project.

If it's particularly bad I'll send them to their rooms to cool off for a bit. There have been times where one is really acting up and annoying me and I'll take them into their room and sit with them until they calm down and apologize while the other gets to play.

IMO the key is to follow through. If you tell them that they need to stop or you're sending them to their room, you have to do it. Otherwise they'll assume it's always empty threats and run all over you - at least that's how my kids react when I show any weakness in those kinds of moments.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Posted by LJSMommy

Posted by medic6809

I know I only have 1 toddler, but what helps me is when I notice i'm getting frustrated or saying no a lot I remember my mom. Don't get me wrong...I love my mom and we have a great relationship now, but as a kid it was helll. I was terrified of her and she always made feel scared, stupid, and sad. I swore I would not be like that with my kids.

This....I hated being frighented as a kid .....and I am also working very hard on my patience level with DH how I speak to DH in front of DS also. I am trying my best to not yell at him or fight in front of him because as a kid I hated how I felt when it happened in front of me

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Posted by 2munchkins

Sometimes I go to bed at night and make a promise to myself to be more patient. I feel so bad. Then the next day, DD does something to drive me nuts! And it starts again.

I have no answer. But you're not alone.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I don't mean to keep rehashing this but I need to thank you ladies again. DS was throwing a tantrum about being put in time out and as I leaned over to take the toys that he was holding away from him, I immediately forced myself to think about how I was raised, and how my mom would have dealt with this situation... and it calmed me down almost instantly. I walked away, DS got his time out, and there was no screaming/threatening/finger pointing. It felt much, much better.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

Posted by medic6809

Posted by headoverheels

I don't mean to keep rehashing this but I need to thank you ladies again. DS was throwing a tantrum about being put in time out and as I leaned over to take the toys that he was holding away from him, I immediately forced myself to think about how I was raised, and how my mom would have dealt with this situation... and it calmed me down almost instantly. I walked away, DS got his time out, and there was no screaming/threatening/finger pointing. It felt much, much better.

LB you are a great mom and you have just had a ton of change thrown at you! It's normal to get frustrated. Helll if I lived in Canada Eh I would be edgy too















I'm glad all this advice helped...I bookmarked this so I can look back at it in a year when I need it too. It's also nice to know other moms had a similar childhood as me and are now having moments of not knowing how to be a strong mommy without reliving what we went through. I'm always here if you need to chat!!!!

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I think we all lose it sometimes. But when I'm really losing my patience with DS, I ask HIM if he has any patience. Usually he'll say 'yes' and will be patient until I can help him. (Sometimes he does say no, and I tell him to go find some.)

This gives me enough time to finish what I'm doing and makes DS calm down long enough to not make me go to the point of no return.

Message edited 10/22/2011 3:11:10 PM.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I think when you grow up with parents that didn't have patience, you are practically wired to be the same. Not always but sometimes.

Its not easy

I knew I would have no patience, I was terrified I would be a terrible mom, I just could see my father in me so much. I could see my mother too, but my father scared all the kids around for blocks! My friends where terrified to come to the house. Its like he was wired for it, he couldn't help it, his father was abusive. But he was not, and I think he made such huge leaps and bounds from what his father was, so I had to do as well. (my dad was wonderful, just snapped at the slightest noise, he didn't think children should be heard or seen or smell lol ... he is night and day when it comes to being a grandfather, we are in shock how much he lets my ds get away with)

I read a lot ... I followed the authors to their web sites, their blogs, their followers, their friends, and found valuable online resources.

I follow a few blogs and I subscribe to them on facebook. I check for daily reminders that help me focus on what is important to me. It helps me let go of the angst.

Here are a couple, they help me a ton (eta: I wanted to give you the facebook pages)

The way of the Peaceful Parent on Facebook


Purjoy Parenting on Facebook

Message edited 10/22/2011 7:10:23 PM.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I've found myself losing it a lot lately and I get so upset with myself for being like that. When they both start screaming, whining and being deliberately defiant I get so frustrated.
I like the idea of a reward chart, I may try that. They love stickers so it could work.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I am with you sister!! It can be so hard, especially as a SAHM..

I try to have tons of patience. I have more than I thought I would but we all have our moments.

When I want to go nuts I try to imagine how DS is feeling and how innocent/little he is. He isn't doing (xyz) on purpose (most times ) and I try to remind myself of that. I know that sounds like a simple answer but it helps me. In the moment it put things into perspective: I am a grown adult and can control myself, he is a toddler and its not as easy for him.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I'm with you. My first step was going on Paxil. But loss of patience was just one of the many issues on my plate.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids

I think of two things:

They didn't ask to be here.

(in fact we went thru hell and back to get them here )


and two, after a particular bad night (no sleep for a month straight can get to ya) I called my BFF in tears, ranting how I was just so so so tired, etc and she said something like "you are all they have in this world, they need you" and for some reason whenever I look at their tiny faces wailing, even if I have been up for 46 hrs straight I hear those words in my head and it stops me from wanting to throw myself into a wall.

I think DH has wayyyyy more patience with them, simply because he isn't here as much as I am, when you are 24/7 with the...patience does NOT come easy.


It is so hard, and I only have newborns, I can't imagine when they start talking back!

Message edited 10/22/2011 10:57:44 PM.

Re: I need to work on my patience with my kids