I need help

OK, so this is going to be a long one. My husband works for a company that he needs to occasionally purchase something for on his credit card and then will get reimbursed. He has the bills for this card coming to his email so I never get to see them. I have always not trusted my DH when it comes to money. I know this sounds terrible. Once in a while I will log onto his credit card account to see what activity is being done. Anyway, a few weeks ago I see there were charges for over 2500. I asked him when he was going to get reimbursed for it and he kept on saying soon, soon. Well last night I asked again and he said he got 1900 and was waiting for the rest. I said did you pay the entire 1900 towards the card and he said yes. Well for some reason, I did not trust him with that answer. This morning, while he was sleeping, I went into his briefcase to look for the credit card because I wanted to call and see what the balance was. Well when I look in his daily planner for the card, I found over 800 in cash. I am so MAD right now. I keep track of all bills and accounts that we have together and I just feel like he is so SNEAKLY about money. I always wonder where he gets his money from because he never takes any out from our joint account. Now my DH has a terrible and I mean terrible temper. I need to get to the bottom of this. How do you think I should handle this or should I just leave it alone. It is not in me though not to say anything and then if I do, he will get mad that I was going through his stuff. He has a terrible way of dealing with finances. He came into the relationship with a lot of debt and I am trying to help him pay it off. It kills me if he is getting all this extra money and just spending it freely while I am working hard to pay off every bill. Any suggestions? I am burning up right now.

Message edited 8/19/2005 8:18:00 AM.

Re: I need help

Re: I need help

Okay, this is a hard situation, because while what your DH is doing with his money may be wrong, it was also wrong for you to be going through his stuff and checking up on him like that. You may need to sit and have a serious conversation with him, though he will most likely get angry that you invaded his privacy. Trust is so important in marriage and you don't trust him with money and if you DO discuss this with him, he's probably going to have issues with trusting you again. If you don't discuss this with him though, you're going to continue not trusting him for the rest of your marriage and you'll probably continue checking up on him, which isn't healthy for either of you. Perhaps you can recommend couseling to your husband. It may make discussing this easier for you.

Re: I need help

I would confront him....

Re: I need help

Re: I need help

I agree - you should confront him. He's not going to be happy about you invading his privacy and checking up on him but that's just another issue that needs to be discussed and worked between you two in addition to the way he handles his finances. But it's better for your marriage if you air all this out now, put it all on the table and deal with it rather than BOTH of you sneaking around.

Re: I need help

I would say something cause if you don't it constantly be on your mind anyway. It would bother me every minute if I didn't confront him. Good luck!

Re: I need help

VERY tough situation. It could be innocent...like DH has one friend who buys baseball cards and when he finds something valuable, sells it, puts the money in the account and his wife knows nothing about it.

Then again, maybe he's gambling? I had another friend whose DH gambled away ALL their money right before their wedding...and she knew nothing until it came time to pay bills.

You *could* say that the credit card company called looking for a payment or is questioning alot of recent activity.....

Re: I need help

I would confront him, I would have to it is "our" money and it would drive me nuts if I didn't know what was going on with our finances. There shouldn't be any secrets with money in a marriage, that is just my opinion.

P.S. I do go clothes shopping sometimes and hide the receipt, but I am talking very little money. Sorry if I contradicted myself a little.