I lost it!

Im so done- I know I say this everytime- but I am- and Ive been done for quite sometime...

My mil- has done/said several things in the past few weeks that have me jumping out of my skin- I have been making a conscious effort to let things roll off my back- but these past few comments are eating away at me:
-Not to mention how RUDE they both were to my friend who drove over an hour to be there- and when her children (one who is the same age) tried to play with him- they kept taking DS away- and when the other 1 yr old poked DS in the eye- they turned to my friend and asked "whats wrong with her?"

... Ummmmmmm- SHE"S 1!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!

-Then while Im toying w/ the idea of bumping up my hours at work- and bringing DS w/ me- she tells me

No she dosent think thats fair- she dosent wanna give up her days w/ him...

....Seriously lady- I gotta do whats right for my family- Your "babysitting" days are not owed to you- GET A GRIP!


-And lastly the call I just got about how since we have off on Monday- and so does Grandpa" we should bring the baby their...

OMG-we are going there TOMORROW can we have a day off- where you are not TELLING ME that I have to be with you- can my family spend sometime together????


I lost it- I flipped out- was beyond sarcastic and I dont even care-

I had it out with my DH-

Bottom line- Im sick of going their every friday- Im sick of having a full out war when Im to tired-or simply cant make it one friday, and Im sick of being told what to do with my time and my child-

Im done- I dont even know what to do with myself!

Message edited 10/5/2006 7:12:34 PM.

Re: I lost it!

I am so sorry that she puts you through this.

She needs to get a grip - this is your child not hers

Re: I lost it!

You need to call her or talk to her in person and set her straight! She has a lot of issues, and it wont go away unless you sit her down and tell her. She will continue to do this stuff to you over and over again, until you say something, and put your foot down about it. Even if you have done this already with her, do it again but this time be more direct.

Re: I lost it!

Posted by MelTodd604

You need to call her or talk to her in person and set her straight! She has a lot of issues, and it wont go away unless you sit her down and tell her. She will continue to do this stuff to you over and over again, until you say something, and put your foot down about it. Even if you have done this already with her, do it again but this time be more direct.

Re: I lost it!

Marissa, first off I feel so bad for you and all this woman puts you through. She is going to tear you and your husband apart and I'd hate for her to ever get that satisfaction. But, you are his mother, and in this situation you totally have the upper hand. If I were you, I would call her, tell her he is YOUR son and until she can start respecting that he is YOUR son and this is your family and you have your own life, that she will not be seeing her grandson. She has absolutely no right to treat you like this and to me its a little freakish how she has to be in a different room with him and can't share him. You need to stand your ground and demand some respect before you let her be around your son, because honestly, even though he is only one now, he will get to a stage where he sees how she treats you, how she disrespects you and one day he may thinks its ok to do too. She sounds way too obsessed with your son. Seriously, I can see her calling up when he is in High School asking if he'll be over on Friday night to spend time with her. I hope you stand your ground and seriously put her in her place as "grandma" not "mom" or "mom 2"!!!!

Re: I lost it!

Posted by Mrs-Boop

Marissa, first off I feel so bad for you and all this woman puts you through. She is going to tear you and your husband apart and I'd hate for her to ever get that satisfaction. But, you are his mother, and in this situation you totally have the upper hand. If I were you, I would call her, tell her he is YOUR son and until she can start respecting that he is YOUR son and this is your family and you have your own life, that she will not be seeing her grandson. She has absolutely no right to treat you like this and to me its a little freakish how she has to be in a different room with him and can't share him. You need to stand your ground and demand some respect before you let her be around your son, because honestly, even though he is only one now, he will get to a stage where he sees how she treats you, how she disrespects you and one day he may thinks its ok to do too. She sounds way too obsessed with your son. Seriously, I can see her calling up when he is in High School asking if he'll be over on Friday night to spend time with her. I hope you stand your ground and seriously put her in her place as "grandma" not "mom" or "mom 2"!!!!

Re: I lost it!

Well Marissa, being a parent, you get to make decisions for your child. If you feel that she is obsessed with him, start limiting her time. I definitely think she is obsessed and seriously, her comback of why can't you accept that I love him, come on, she sounds seriously insecure, nobody is questioning her love for him, duh, he's you grandchild, of course you love him, but there is a line between love and obsession and she is crossing it. Does she realize that when RJ gets older he is not going to want to be with her all the time, he's not going to want to see her every Friday and he is not going to want to go hang out alone with her in another room, because she is basically smothering him?

And I love this comback of hers-she says my FIL has a right to see his grandchild- the least we could do is give him a few hours one day a week....he has a right..Its not a right its a privledge and she is lucky that you go out of your way right now to give him that privledge. Its not in a handbook that grandchildren need to be brought to see their grandparents every Friday.

I would seriously tell her that until she starts respecting you, his mother, and your family and the time you want to spend alone with your family she can't see him. I am pretty sure she'll change her tune, because she will not be able to live without him. You need to make things on your terms, plans to see them on your terms, days to see them on your terms. You do not have to answer to her and give her excuses or reasons for anything, this is your family!!

Re: I lost it!

Posted by Mrs-Boop

Well Marissa, being a parent, you get to make decisions for your child. If you feel that she is obsessed with him, start limiting her time. I definitely think she is obsessed and seriously, her comback of why can't you accept that I love him, come on, she sounds seriously insecure, nobody is questioning her love for him, duh, he's you grandchild, of course you love him, but there is a line between love and obsession and she is crossing it. Does she realize that when RJ gets older he is not going to want to be with her all the time, he's not going to want to see her every Friday and he is not going to want to go hang out alone with her in another room, because she is basically smothering him?

And I love this comback of hers-she says my FIL has a right to see his grandchild- the least we could do is give him a few hours one day a week....he has a right..Its not a right its a privledge and she is lucky that you go out of your way right now to give him that privledge. Its not in a handbook that grandchildren need to be brought to see their grandparents every Friday.

I would seriously tell her that until she starts respecting you, his mother, and your family and the time you want to spend alone with your family she can't see him. I am pretty sure she'll change her tune, because she will not be able to live without him. You need to make things on your terms, plans to see them on your terms, days to see them on your terms. You do not have to answer to her and give her excuses or reasons for anything, this is your family!!

Re: I lost it!

With all she has put your through, you have more than paid her back..heck she owes you now. I would start making plans for other stuff, forget Fridays..you have plans every one of them, go out with friends, join something at the local library, I think they have those reading hours, you have errands to runs, you have a party to go to etc, just keep telling her you have stuff to do with your son, sorry, maybe next week. Sounds like she totally takes all her visitation for granted, maybe losing it so much she'll learn to appreciate you more, and how you make sure they get to see him. Jeez, when I was growing up we saw my grandparents on occasional Sundays for dinner and holidays..she is SPOILED!!!! Take some of her "freedom" away!!

Re: I lost it!

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by Mrs-Boop

Marissa, first off I feel so bad for you and all this woman puts you through. She is going to tear you and your husband apart and I'd hate for her to ever get that satisfaction. But, you are his mother, and in this situation you totally have the upper hand. If I were you, I would call her, tell her he is YOUR son and until she can start respecting that he is YOUR son and this is your family and you have your own life, that she will not be seeing her grandson. She has absolutely no right to treat you like this and to me its a little freakish how she has to be in a different room with him and can't share him. You need to stand your ground and demand some respect before you let her be around your son, because honestly, even though he is only one now, he will get to a stage where he sees how she treats you, how she disrespects you and one day he may thinks its ok to do too. She sounds way too obsessed with your son. Seriously, I can see her calling up when he is in High School asking if he'll be over on Friday night to spend time with her. I hope you stand your ground and seriously put her in her place as "grandma" not "mom" or "mom 2"!!!!

Thank you for this-

She just dosent see what she does as "obsessed"- I have tried many times to put my foot down-

She usually just ignores me- disappears for a little while (boy I love those days) and then comes back doing the same old cr@p...

EVERYTHING I say- she has something to say back- I say she is obsessed- and she says that I just cant accept that she loves him-

I say that EVERY Friday is a little much- she says my FIL has a right to see his grandchild- the least we could do is give him a few hours one day a week-

Its like shes got an exucse for everything

Re: I lost it!

Posted by Maathy317

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by Mrs-Boop

Marissa, first off I feel so bad for you and all this woman puts you through. She is going to tear you and your husband apart and I'd hate for her to ever get that satisfaction. But, you are his mother, and in this situation you totally have the upper hand. If I were you, I would call her, tell her he is YOUR son and until she can start respecting that he is YOUR son and this is your family and you have your own life, that she will not be seeing her grandson. She has absolutely no right to treat you like this and to me its a little freakish how she has to be in a different room with him and can't share him. You need to stand your ground and demand some respect before you let her be around your son, because honestly, even though he is only one now, he will get to a stage where he sees how she treats you, how she disrespects you and one day he may thinks its ok to do too. She sounds way too obsessed with your son. Seriously, I can see her calling up when he is in High School asking if he'll be over on Friday night to spend time with her. I hope you stand your ground and seriously put her in her place as "grandma" not "mom" or "mom 2"!!!!

Thank you for this-

She just dosent see what she does as "obsessed"- I have tried many times to put my foot down-

She usually just ignores me- disappears for a little while (boy I love those days) and then comes back doing the same old cr@p...

EVERYTHING I say- she has something to say back- I say she is obsessed- and she says that I just cant accept that she loves him-

I say that EVERY Friday is a little much- she says my FIL has a right to see his grandchild- the least we could do is give him a few hours one day a week-

Its like shes got an exucse for everything

Let me start by saying that I am a grandmother. I love my grandson with every fiber of my being, but, that does not guarantee me any "rights". I have told both my daughter and my son-in-law that I consider it a privilege to be able to spend time with him and, if I ever cross a line, I hope that they will tell me. This is a privilege I don't want to lose. I am fortunate to be able to take care of my grandson on a regular basis and I won't do anything to jeopardize that. This is a common misconception among grandparents. They do not have any rights to their grandchildren at all. They seem to think that because they gave birth to one of their parents that entitles them to do whatever they want. We, as grandparents, don't have any business making any decisions or changing anything that the parents have decided regarding their child.

Your MIL is a prime example of what I am talking about. She will continue to do whatever she wants because she feels she can. I have read your posts before regarding her, and, while you feel you are being direct, you tend to backtrack. You're probably a very sweet person and are trying not to cause any problems, but, enough is enough. This is YOUR child and your decisions are final, and she must understand this. She needs to be told, in no uncertain terms, that if she continues her behavior, she loses the "privilege" of being around her grandson. She needs to be told what you will and will not tolerate and she needs to be told this now. Hopefully, your husband will back you up. She will try and make you feel guilty. She will get upset, angry and, probably, break down in tears. Don't let her manipulate you. Stand your ground, but, do it respectfully, so she can't talk about how rude you are (you don't want to reduce yourself to her level). Remember, you have the upper hand and, if every time she steps out of line she faces the consequences, she'll, eventually, get the hint (slow learner that she appears to be). You have to remain strong and resolute. Eventually, this will all work out and, hopefully, she will come to respect you for the good mother that you are.

Re: I lost it!

I dont even know what to say to you except I feel so sorry that you have to deal with this on a daily basis. It seems that she is trying to raise her son all over again and she already did her job as a mother. I think you just need to tell her how it will be and not worry so much how she feels because if she cared so much about your family she wouldnt be disrespecting you in this way and make rude comments to you on a daily basis. Like Mrs-Boop said if this isn't nipped in the butt she will eventually ruin your marriage because it starts with this and it will progress and I saw it happen with my own parents. My dad's mom always crossed the line and my parents got divorced after 22 years then got remarried to each other 5 years later (this past dec.) and my grandmother and mom are only civil to each other. You definitly dont want it to get to that point.
Maybe you see a therapist to see how to handle this as an option.

Re: I lost it!

First of all to you Marissa for dealing with this woman's BS AGAIN.

And... to every person that contributed advice to you...it's perfect.

No..no.. and no.

She wants you to come over on Friday? NO
She wants you to spend your day off with your dh and son there? NO
She's whining and is b!tching? NO

Sorry, you can't deal with this BS anymore. Don't feel that you owe her. You're beyond that already...she really does owe you...and she can start by butting out of your lives a little bit more.

I know what you mean by you having your dh halfway. It's still his mother and he has to respect her...but he should also know that his wife and children come 1st. He should be behind you 110%.

Message edited 10/5/2006 9:28:48 PM.

Re: I lost it!

All I have to say for you is

GOSHHHH Talk about obsessive grandma

Good for you for speaking up Marissa, and yes you absolutely deserve your day off to spend with your family!

Re: I lost it!

I hope it gets better soon.

Re: I lost it!

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by MelTodd604

You need to call her or talk to her in person and set her straight! She has a lot of issues, and it wont go away unless you sit her down and tell her. She will continue to do this stuff to you over and over again, until you say something, and put your foot down about it. Even if you have done this already with her, do it again but this time be more direct.

I did though-

I flat out said-

Why is everytime we have a day off together ( meaninng me and DH) that it is expected to be spent with you?

Why is it that we HAVE to go their every friday and when we cant make a week- its a full blown war-

I told her- its ridiculous

her response was

"why is it you cant accept that we love our grandson and wanna spend time with him"

And then replied with

Because your so concerned with yoursleves -you could care less if we spent time together as a family-

and then said "Oh and MY son- not yours..." and hung up on her.

How much more direct can I be?

They are the only people that I know that when they have "their" time together w/ my son- they have to be alone- or in another room then me and my DH...

And if they come to us- instead of us going to them- and DS comes over to me- or is crying "ma-ma" she will take him and redirect him to herself or her DH and say "Go see Grandpa" or "come on lets go outside"

Because GOD forbid he perfers me over them

Re: I lost it!

Tons of I don't know how you lasted this long!!