I feel like a disappointment.....

all I keep saying to myself is that I am the reason my husband may never be a daddy.......I know I should not beat myself up about this, but it is just so difficult.

I am so upset that we can't do this the natural way. I am so scared that if I cant have children, he will wake up one day and resent for it.

He says that he loves me no matter what, and if no children is in the cards that is fine. I see him with other children and I know that he really wants to have children. He would be an amazing father.

I wish my issues were discovered before I got married. I feel like this is not what he signed up for.

Sorry for venting......thanks for listening.

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

I know exactly how you feel...I sometimes feel like such a disappointment to DH, even more so after we lost Rogan.
But, he says all the time that it could just as easily been him and he'd rather be with me whom he loves as opposed to someone he doesn't love and have babies.
I'm sure he is happy with you and doesn't blame you...

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

First of all, many, many hugs for you-


You sound just like I feel most of the time. I can't tell you how many times DH & I have had this discussion. And what my DH always says to me is finally starting to sink in. That he loves ME. It's very hard to accept the fact that children may not be in our future and I have had many moments of doubt where I think he's going to leave because I can't give him any. But that is insecurity talking; we are happy together and that's what matters. Having a child can only add to our happiness; not having one cannot take it away.

You are not a failure; you are a wonderful woman full of life & love-always remember that!!

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

I know how you feel - having IF shakes you to the core of who you are as a woman. It plants seeds of self doubt like I've never known before. You can be everything in the world, but if you can't perform that basic human function of bearing children, then it makes you feel unhuman, unwoman

You just have to remember, your husband didn't marry you for your ovaries or your uterus. He married you because he loves you, and you will travel through this emotional journey together

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

i know exactly how you feel!! i think about this all the time... especially when i see pictures of what a gorgeous baby DH was, and knowing that we'll never have our own kids who are that gorgeous
BUT, like everybody else said he always tells me that he loves me, and this is part of who i am, and its fine.

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

This topic really hits home..I have also felt this way and had ths discussion with DH. It is so much harder for me to see fathers with their little babies..I feel like i am letting him down. I get sad about not being able to have a child that is him and me combined and it is hard not to feel like a failure...

DH says the same things...he loves me and that is more than enough...the rest will happne however it does. It must be hard for them to feel so helpless...i remeber right before i went in to my last d& c i was so upset about the baby i did not even think about going under etc and dh said just come back to me that is all i want..and i realized i was so not concerend about my own health in the moment at all while that what his main concern...

also he always says to me..they are our eggs, our ovaries, our uterus...and it sounds kind of cheesy but it makes me feel better...

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

DH went for his SA this morning and all I could do was apologize for being the reason why he had to do this at all.

It sounds like all of us have wonderful, loving DH's.

(for good measure)

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

We have all felt this way. I have cried and said I am sorry to DH so many times. I have even gone as far to tell him I would understand if he left me for someone to have kids if I couldn't.
Of course I didn't really mean that, but its all part of the despair I have felt over not being able to do what a woman is meant to do.
But I know that he loves me no matter what happens, and although I think these things, he never does.

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

Message edited 11/22/2010 11:07:20 AM.

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

Message edited 5/16/2008 9:31:21 AM.

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....

Posted by fullofhope13

First of all, many, many hugs for you-


You sound just like I feel most of the time. I can't tell you how many times DH & I have had this discussion. And what my DH always says to me is finally starting to sink in. That he loves ME. It's very hard to accept the fact that children may not be in our future and I have had many moments of doubt where I think he's going to leave because I can't give him any. But that is insecurity talking; we are happy together and that's what matters. Having a child can only add to our happiness; not having one cannot take it away.

You are not a failure; you are a wonderful woman full of life & love-always remember that!!

Re: I feel like a disappointment.....