I feel guilty

My father is in the hospital right now - he is all freaked out right now because at first they thought it was congestive heart failure, which thankfully was ruled out, but now the Dr.'s are conjecturing infection, or worse, malignancy.

I can't be there with him all that much though because I'm being monitored by my RE this week because of the follistim. Almost everyday this week I've come into work late, I have to go for a follow-up tomorrow morning, and my IUI's are scheduled for Monday and Tuesday.

I feel like I"m being selfish, prioritizing my IF issues over my Dad. I know he's lonely and scared, and I feel like a "good daughter" would cancel all her RE appointments and focus on tending to her father.

I am seeing him everday during my lunchbreak, but that's only about 30-40 minutes. But that's really all I can spare considering how much work I've missed, and I also have to tend to my own immediate family. It's only me and Dh, we don't have any family or friends to help out with our DD, so I have to go home at 5pm to pick her up from school.

Please tell me I'm not an awful person and it's ok to forge ahead with IF while all this other stuff is going on.

Message edited 6/27/2008 9:08:32 AM.

Re: I feel guilty

Beth I'm so sorry your dad is not well. I will keep him in my prayers.
But please keep in mind that you are only ONE person and you can only do so much. You're doing the best you can and you're doing it with heart and compassion. Please dont be so hard on yourself.

Re: I feel guilty

beth you have been there SO MUCH for your dad in the past - putting your own life on hold to take care of him. now, it just happens that your dad is sick again when you need to focus more on yourself.

it's not like you aren't there for him at all. you are doing the best you can! running yourself ragged isn't going to help him, or you.

i know it's easier said than done but please try not to feel *so* guilty. i am guessing you are doing more for your father than your brothers are

Message edited 6/27/2008 9:23:32 AM.

Re: I feel guilty

Please don't feel guilty, although I know it's easier said than done. You are doing the best you can right now for your Dad.

Hang in there, sweetie; sending lots of hugs & prayers your way.

Re: I feel guilty

Beth having had two parents gravely ill and hospitalized both at separate times and at the same time I will tell you this...

Think about your parents at their best. What would they want for you? Would they want you to be happy and live your life with all of the joy that you can? Or would they want you to sit vigil for them 24/7. If your father were in a state to understand what you were dealing with (assuming he doesnt right now) I would imagine he would be rooting for you. He would probably want you to run out an have as many kids as you can.

One of my last moments with my own mother had her telling me from her ICU bed after a heart attack "Leslie, I am so happy that things are working well for you this time." It gave me peace. When my father had been ill, I had to plan a wedding. I did so in full force because I knew in my heart that if I didnt, it would have made him very sad. Also know that in our faith, it is ok to put the happiness before the sadness. I have lived that dicotomy twice with two parents and two HUGE life events. It is an unfortuate balance of life, but life does go on.

Beth you need to live for you. Having older parents with very serious health needs is often hard to manage - especially when you dont have help. But even when you do, you will pile the guilt upon yourself. I've felt that at times also

Continue with your process in your Dad's honor. Create life so you can give him good news. When you see the big smile on his face, you'll know you did the right thing.

Re: I feel guilty

Posted by Goldi0218

Beth having had two parents gravely ill and hospitalized both at separate times and at the same time I will tell you this...

Think about your parents at their best. What would they want for you? Would they want you to be happy and live your life with all of the joy that you can? Or would they want you to sit vigil for them 24/7. If your father were in a state to understand what you were dealing with (assuming he doesnt right now) I would imagine he would be rooting for you. He would probably want you to run out an have as many kids as you can.

One of my last moments with my own mother had her telling me from her ICU bed after a heart attack "Leslie, I am so happy that things are working well for you this time." It gave me peace. When my father had been ill, I had to plan a wedding. I did so in full force because I knew in my heart that if I didnt, it would have made him very sad. Also know that in our faith, it is ok to put the happiness before the sadness. I have lived that dicotomy twice with two parents and two HUGE life events. It is an unfortuate balance of life, but life does go on.

Beth you need to live for you. Having older parents with very serious health needs is often hard to manage - especially when you dont have help. But even when you do, you will pile the guilt upon yourself. I've felt that at times also

Continue with your process in your Dad's honor. Create life so you can give him good news. When you see the big smile on his face, you'll know you did the right thing.

Re: I feel guilty

You are doing the best you can - I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. I will keep your Dad in my prayers...hang in there...