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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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I can't stand people... (long)
So we had lunch at my ILs the other day.... I shouldn't have gone and I knew it, but I hadn't seen them since 4th of july weekend, and they 'really' wanted to see me and I felt guilty. I still wasn't feeling great so I shoved pillows all around me and braced myself for my 50 minute bumpy trip on the LIE then sunrise and we went to their house for lunch. (Suprisingly their road is worse than both the LIE AND sunrise as far as bumps go - KILLER ugh!)
(FYI I am usually very close w/ my ILs so this is very odd for me lately). We were having a nice lunch. I actually started to let my guard down a little and relax. Then VERY matter of factly (we haven't updated anyone as to where we're at in our IVF procedure for about 2 weeks or so) she says "SO you HAD your retrieval- NOW WHAT????" I am not one whose good on the spot and turned to DH who said- NOTHING! 
I knew if I lied I'd never hear the end of it from DH- so I told them "we wait", hoping that would be good enough. Well of course it wasn't- there were questions about #'s retrieved and transferred, and other things (someone's been doing their homework), etc.... so I just very simply told them that when the time came, that we felt we had something to report, we would... but until then we all wait (as nicely as I could).
I kept dancing around the beta date--- not b/c I don't want to tell them, but b/c she told my SIL last time we were doing IVF, after we specifically told them not to share anything about us doing it w/ anyone and if she does it again I don't want daily phone calls on and around beta day.
IF this works, I'll announce it on here, because you guys to me are my family who have struggled through this with me- and who've been here for me when no one else could b/c they don't understand - and I'm not good at not telling you guys things..  Also b/c who knows what could happen, even if it does work, and I know that I'm at a higher risk for miscarriage, etc... but as far as our family goes- I want to wait for however many betas they do to make sure things are progressing as they should- and even then, I know to be 'cautiously optimistic'. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up- and if we tell them early, it'll be for THEIR knowledge- not for the extended family.
I know it's b/c my SIL said some pretty terrible things to me about her being fertile and my not, about how maybe her parents don't want anymore grandchildren (she has a son whose 4 now), and abortions she's had in the past, and other things that are too long to write out (if you remember my other posts she's not the nicest SIL).... and it made me very upset and left an even worse taste in my mouth about the fact that my MIL spilled info that she shouldn't have-ESPECIALLY to her of all people. I'll get over it, but for now I just have to keep my sanity.
Now DH is mad b/c I'm upset at how things went the other day. He asked me about when we could start telling ppl if it worked and a bunch of other stuff- which I can't even think about right now- I just want to see if this works. I won't allow myself to go there... so he got annoyed and went out for a run. So now part of me is  b/c he's been so tremendous throughout this whole thing- going w/ me to the dr, doing my shots, waiting on me when I wasn't feeling well enough to do stuff myself, etc... but I'm also that he has the nerve to snap at me while he knows I'm trying so hard not to have stress- and certainly not to add anymore. Ugh, sorry- I just had to get it out.. Take it for a vent or whatever it is...  
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Posted 7/30/08 10:57 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
BigB
C & J are 10!
Member since 6/05 5914 total posts
Name:
Stacey
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
It is your business and you can choose who and when to tell! 
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:10 AM |
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LisaW
Time for me to FLY!
Member since 5/05 13199 total posts
Name:
Did I ever tell you that I hate people?
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
see my "name"
now you all know why 
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Message edited 7/30/2008 11:12:11 AM.
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:12 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Posted by LisaW
see my "name"
now you all know why
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOL!  First I thought "LisaW"??? and then I saw the arrow!!!!
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:14 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
I have to laugh though b/c 'IF' this works, our EDD would be 4 days before my SIL's son's birthday!! That'll go over REALLY well  LOL........ 
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:15 AM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
I'm sorry, Shannon, your SIL sounds like a real piece of work! I totally understand about wanting to keep this hush-hush -- my DH is dying to tell everyone, but I told him to wait a little bit. You do what is right for YOU.....
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:23 AM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
holy crap! When is it her business? When is it anyone's business. It is a very private matter.
Keep your distance. As far as DH, I know he's excited but can you two just have this time to relax and be hopeful?
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:31 AM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Posted by Blu-ize
Keep your distance. As far as DH, I know he's excited but can you two just have this time to relax and be hopeful?
THANK YOU! This is how I feel!!!!
My ILs went through IF 30 years ago and DH and his brother and sister are all adopted. They did what they could but not IVF, etc... so I know they're really excited for us- but I just feel like aren't we entitled to some time to relax and be hopeful??????
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:34 AM |
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ihilani
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 858 total posts
Name:
alias
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
This is why DH and I make every effort NOT to discusss IF with anyone. Heck, I even use a fake name on this board to keep the IRL folks in the dark.
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| Posted 7/30/08 11:48 AM |
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Donna
1 year already!!
Member since 5/05 3360 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Sorry this is happening to you
eta - you and DH have to set the guidelines - my family knew the golden rule - if we have something to tell you we will, no news is usually bad news
my family and friends did respect our wishes
Message edited 7/30/2008 12:07:21 PM.
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| Posted 7/30/08 12:06 PM |
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BA2008
Need to find some hope!
Member since 2/08 2485 total posts
Name:
Beth -Ann
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
So sorry you have to deal with this...
You SIL is not a nice person, or I should say she is a very jealous person. She's afraid that when you have DC that her child will be left out. She's very immature. Its too bad you are a better person and have never put her in her place.
You MIL is just very excited to have another grandchild. But, I'm sure she will go back to her daughter and tell her everything, its her daughter.
Hopefully by next week, none of this will matter because I believe you will be getting good news.
Plus, your DH has every right to get excited. That is what happened to us when we got our BFP. We told our immediate families and we have now learned to stay cautious and keep it to ourselves, should we get lucky again. I'm not sure that I could ever wait as long as 12 weeks though. My family would know. Just from acting different.
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| Posted 7/30/08 12:13 PM |
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SweetTooth
I'm a tired mommy!
Member since 12/05 20105 total posts
Name:
Lauren
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Posted by Donna
Sorry this is happening to you
eta - you and DH have to set the guidelines - my family knew the golden rule - if we have something to tell you we will, no news is usually bad news
my family and friends did respect our wishes
I agree with this. My family was great - never asked any questions about what was going on, then knew when I had something to tell, I would.
Hopefully the IVF worked and you won't have to worry any more. However, if you get a BFP and don't want to annoounce right away, you need to talk to DH and make sure he knows how you feel. I think he should also talk to his mom and tell her that the things you tell her are in confidence and are not to be shared with anyone, even her daughter, and if she doesn't feel she can keep your business to herself then you won't tell her anymore.
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| Posted 7/30/08 12:53 PM |
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MrsJoeG
Beyond Blessed <3
Member since 2/08 1482 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
I agree with Lisa's tagline. I cannot even imagine if I had to have that convo with my in laws right now. What is wrong with people?? They never ask these types of questions to people who get pg "naturally"?
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| Posted 7/30/08 1:00 PM |
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mishmosh
That's all I got.
Member since 7/06 1452 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Most of the time, people preface their questions to me with, "Do you mind me asking?" That is totally fine. People are just curious and it really is difficult to purposefully not ask how things are going, especially if you're close to someone.
Unless they went through IF themselves, there's no way for them to know what's appropriate to ask and what's not. Most people are asking out of concern. The others are just ignorant.
That being said, I still really f*#$ing hate most people anyway.
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| Posted 7/30/08 1:10 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Posted by MrsJoeG
I agree with Lisa's tagline. I cannot even imagine if I had to have that convo with my in laws right now. What is wrong with people?? They never ask these types of questions to people who get pg "naturally"?
LOL- you just reminded me. My SIL thinks it's very important that we tell everyone (if this works) that we got pregnant through IVF... so I said to DH, "Why? Did she announce what position she got pregnant by to everyone?"
I told her it didn't make a diff. to us- it's not something that we're by any means ashamed of (I honestly think she thinks it is which is why she feels it's important b/c it's something that she thinks could humiliate me)- and I told her that people get PG every day- why is it anyones business HOW they did it?
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| Posted 7/30/08 1:11 PM |
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KrisT
Two Boys for Me!!
Member since 1/07 5213 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
I'm sorry you have to deal with this It sounds like your IL's mean well, but don't realize that there are certain boundaries that need to be respected.
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| Posted 7/30/08 1:11 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
So my DH is back.  He apologized and said he didn't mean to get upset or get me upset- I know this is frustrating to him, it is to me as well.
He had already spoken to his mom after the fact and she was kind of annoyed w/ him (us) b/c she felt that we should want everyone to know.... he put his foot down- I was really proud of him...and let her know to respect our wishes.
Then at lunch the other day he said it again while we were talking that just because they are more up to date now that we're not wanting people to know where we're at right now and this was to stay between us. Hopefully they got the memo this time...
Thanks everyone- you girls are the best. I felt a little guilty for wanting to keep things to ourself for a while, b/c we're so close to our families, but you guys made me feel better!!! I really love you guys!
Message edited 7/30/2008 1:50:09 PM.
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| Posted 7/30/08 1:28 PM |
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kmac
Two under two!
Member since 5/07 3703 total posts
Name:
Kris
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Wow your SIL sounds like a great girl... I'm sorry you are dealing with this. IF is difficult enough to deal w/, you don't need in-laws stressing you out on top of it.
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| Posted 7/30/08 3:13 PM |
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LaurenExp
Waiting patiently for baby sis
Member since 8/06 11613 total posts
Name:
L-Diddy EDD 11/11/11 :)
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
I'm so sorry you're going through all of this.
Your SIL sounds like a piece of work...and yes, I wouldn't even tell them that you're cycling (just in case this doesn't work -- although I know it will!). I don't tell anyone anything anymore. Its just easier that way
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| Posted 7/30/08 3:30 PM |
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mrsmck
Be a big girl!
Member since 5/05 4898 total posts
Name:
Donna
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
This is why I have not told my family anything about what DH and I are doing! I couldn't stand the constant questions.
When we have something to tell them, we will.
Sorry you're going thru this.
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| Posted 7/30/08 4:14 PM |
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Hotmamma408
LIF Adolescent
Member since 6/08 692 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
i am so very sorry! Unfortunaltely, I know too well how insensitive family members can be! Thats why I am so thankful I have all of you!
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| Posted 7/30/08 4:20 PM |
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rmdrn125
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/07 497 total posts
Name:
mom mom
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
i am so sorry that your SIL is such a piece of "work", i think i could use a different word to describe her, but i won't! This is why my DH and I chose not to tell certain family members also. Some people think they are actually sensitive to IF, but they have NO clue what we put ourselves through!! Keep positive.
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| Posted 7/31/08 12:11 PM |
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MrsMessina
Thankful for our miracles!
Member since 2/07 7254 total posts
Name:
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Re: I can't stand people... (long)
Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better today. DH kept brushing me off b/c he didn't see how he could 'fix it' so I explained that sometimes just talking through it with me was fixing it.....
Well now he wants to have a talk w/ her. He feels like we don't hang out w/ her enough. Oh joy...
I've offered on several occasions to have her come bowling or to dinner or the movies- same stuff w/ do with her brother (my BIL). When she was dating someone who she recently broke up with, we invited them out to do stuff w/ just us and she always declined. I'm done offering... I don't need her to spend time with us- I was being nice!
And to think that when her entire family turned their back on her after finding out she was pregnant, I was the only one to stand up for her and throw her a baby shower... less than a month before our wedding. They wouldn't even let me have it in their house (which was an old bed and breakfast and would've been perfect) so I held it (finally w/ some help from her mom) at a church's event room- and I decorated it beautifully and made it one of the best showers I've been to. And this is the thanks I get in return... Oh well, life goes on, right???
Message edited 7/31/2008 6:25:25 PM.
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| Posted 7/31/08 6:24 PM |
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