How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Can you change your nature?

I'm just wondering, if you are up tight or If you sweat the small stuff, how can you change your nature and let some stuff "go". Can you?

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Great question!

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

A couple of glasses of wine always works for me

But I think a lot of it is your nature.

Also some people have certain push buttons that set them off and can be pretty laid back about other things, that might get someone else worked up.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

This is something I actively work on while commuting. I was getting myself crazy annoyed at the other commuters and the LIRR in general. All it did was ruin my day/commute or whatever because I'd sit there all annoyed or p*ssed off at something I had no control over. I had to consciously decide x y or z was not going to bother me and train myself to ignore it. It took a while and I still have to give myself little pep talks every once in a while but I managed to change a miserable situation into something more tolerable.

I think this would work with any situation - you have to consciously decide you were going to enjoy this or ignore that and go about your day.

Message edited 7/6/2010 2:53:11 PM.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

I was an UPTIGHT teenager. I'm far more relaxed an adult. I have no idea why I was so tightly wound back then. I changed gradually - but not intentionally. Just happened

I find that I ask myself this question when something happens:
"Is it worth the freak out? Will this matter tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, ever?"

I can't control what other people do - only how I react to them/their actions. So once I realized that I became far more easy going.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Posted by DiamondGirl

A couple of glasses of wine always works for me

But I think a lot of it is your nature.

Also some people have certain push buttons that set them off and can be pretty laid back about other things, that might get someone else worked up.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by DiamondGirl

A couple of glasses of wine always works for me

But I think a lot of it is your nature.

Also some people have certain push buttons that set them off and can be pretty laid back about other things, that might get someone else worked up.

Wine is my usual answer, but since I am on WW I don't have the calories for it

My push button cannot be the fact that DH forgot to put the used plastic shopping bags on the bottom of the pantry. IT JUST CANNOT BE THIS! I think we should each stand for something, but this cannot be my something!

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

This wouldn't work for DH, but a few years ago I started telling myself, "that person has to go home and live with themselves...at least i don't have to do that" and that worked wonders.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

I married someone who over the last 9 years has helped calm me down...there are still times i "lose" it and he laughs and calmly says "why are you getting so upset?" Once i punch him in the face i feel better...just kidding!!! He helps me look at the situation on a rational level.

ETA: he has the whole "accept the things you cannot change..and change the things you can" philosophy..which i have tried to adopt

Message edited 7/6/2010 3:16:48 PM.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Meditation
Deep breathing
Acceptance

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

I stop and think...

Is this necessary for me to be upset about/worry over?

Is this serious enough to impact my life in any, way, shape or form other than being an annoyance?

Will this annoy me/cause a fight in 30 years?

In the grand scheme of my life, how important is this to be upset about/worry over?

I stop, put it in perspective, and move on with my life.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Marry my DH He has made me so much more laid back... his attitude is "it will get done" and "it will work out" and he's always right So I tend to beleive him more now when he says it!

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by DirtyBlonde

I find that I ask myself this question when something happens:
"Is it worth the freak out? Will this matter tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, ever?"

I can't control what other people do - only how I react to them/their actions. So once I realized that I became far more easy going.

But how do you get to this point?

I try-I tell myself I am going to ask myself that question "next time". But then next time comes and I freak out at 5:30 in the morning because of some silly thing that DH did

I can recognize when OTHERs are taking things too seriously but for ME, I can't.

How do you learn to let it go?

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

DH helped me a lot.

BUT - like a lot of other posters - I have to consciously ask myself "is it worth it?" I used to be VERY intense. I've chilled quite a bit in the last two years. It takes time, effort, and patience.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

I teach a class about this and the one thing that always hits home with people is this exercise:

Think of something that stresses you out.

Now, ask yourself - can I control it?

If yes, take the steps to do so.

If not, ask yourself - can I influence it?

If yes, take the steps to do so.

If not, you need to find a way to let it go.

Things you can't control and can't influence are not worth your time getting stressed or angry about. They won't change.


I try to remember this whenever I'm getting frustrated about something.

A lot of the time I'm shouting at the rain, when I just need to get a damnn umbrella.

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

YEARS of practice. I have learned over time what is really important for me and what is not.

Add a touch of "coldness" that was needed to "NOT care".

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

NOT something that comes easily to me, but that is getting better with significant effort. It helps that I have a DH who is very laid back and things usually work out so I try to follow his lead. I recently experienced a friend's manic freak-out and it scared me into REALLY not wanting to be like that and trying harder.

Wine does help though

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

I am really bad at loosening up and I will be 100% honest, wine helps. I have to really not have that as my only go to fix it, when I have the time and it's a day off, the beach helps because the waves crashing sound helps. Cleaning..although I would never do that in this heat haha

Re: How do you "loosen up" or become more laid back?

Posted by CrankyPants

Posted by DirtyBlonde

I find that I ask myself this question when something happens:
"Is it worth the freak out? Will this matter tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, ever?"

I can't control what other people do - only how I react to them/their actions. So once I realized that I became far more easy going.

But how do you get to this point?

I try-I tell myself I am going to ask myself that question "next time". But then next time comes and I freak out at 5:30 in the morning because of some silly thing that DH did

I can recognize when OTHERs are taking things too seriously but for ME, I can't.

How do you learn to let it go?