How do you deal with close friends who have IF issues?

I have a very close friend who has been having major issues getting pg. I feel awful talking to her about DS because even though she tells me she is okay with it, I see her eyes tear up sometimes.

I know she is happy for me but it hurts her to hear my stories. But, she says she doesn't want me to feel like I can't tell her what I would normally tell anyone else.

My heart just breaks for her and I'm not sure how much of my DS stories I should edit or refrain from telling her.

She is a dear friend and I do not want to hurt her feelings or make her feel bad.

Any advice?

Re: How do you deal with close friends who have IF issues?

I have a very good friend who has been dealing with IF issues for years now. She was married 3 years before me so it's been about 7 years now since they first started trying.

To be honest she has always seemed to really love the time that she has spent with my DD and also our friends kids. She seems to embrase the time with them.

And when it came to her talking about IF, I never seemed to know what to say so I just listened. I think that is what she needed anywya. I never know what to suggest since we didn't have any probs concieving, but it always seemed like she just needed to tell her story anyway.

And now she just got pregnant after IVF and she is about 13 weeks pregnant with twins and everything is going great for her!!

Re: How do you deal with close friends who have IF issues?

my best friend is dealing with IF currently...I actually didnt know until just after DD was born in Jan and she felt like she could tell me then and not have me hold back with telling her about my pregnancy.
They have not been trying for 2 years and are beyond frustrated with everything and are currently thinking of trying IVF in the spring.
She really just needs me there to listen to her and be there if she needs anything...we write emails back and forth everyday and she vents when she needs to and dosent talk about it all when she needs to...I dont push for details because I know she will fill me in when she is ready.
I talk about DD because I know she loves DD and even said that my own pregnancy helped her a little because she could go into the baby section and buy things even if they werent for her they were for someone very close.
Every day is a struggle for her and she just needs me there to talk to.
I do worry about getting preg. again in the future if she hasnt been able to have a child yet...I dont want to her to be sad that I would have a second child (god willing) and she has none, even though I know for a fact she would be very happy for me, but also sad for herself.

ETA: i just read lulugrrl response and I wanted to add then when i talk about DD its not overboard...i talk about her for a bit then move on to something else...like our dogs since i know she loves dogs!

Message edited 10/17/2008 3:19:27 PM.

Re: How do you deal with close friends who have IF issues?

This is so hard because everyone is different. I myself had IF issues, but it only took a year or so for me to conceive once I began dealing with it. I have friends that have struggled for YEARS and YEARS. It is so hard to see them struggle, it breaks my heart. Thankfully all that I know who have struggled have concieved or adopted, all but one, whom I say a special prayer for every day.

I avoid discussion of my son unless they ask, thats just how I handle it because there are days that it "hurts" more than others. I also never go overboard with gushing stories, and I just have to read each situation and conversation as it comes. I have one family member that has literally cut everyone with children out of their lives ..that is how bad the pain is for them. Just be there for your friend, listen to her, and offer support when she needs it, there are so many ups and downs when TTC with IF issues. Do tell her of stories of your child, just be aware of her response to it.

It's nice of you to be so considerate, and I wish your friend tons of