How do you cope?

I'm having a particularly bad day today

We had a weird cycle this month - i had a leftover egg from last cycle so i didn't take Clomid this month, and I O'd on cd8 and we did an IUI on cd9. Well, today is CD19 and I got AF
I wasn't really expecting much out of this month because it seemed so 'off' but the disappointment still stings nonetheless.

This is our 13th month of trying, and the 5th month with the RE - we have 'unexplained infertility'
Everything is 'normal' with both of us - i have a good amount of eggs each month, we do the IUI's, DH's sperm count is good, my progesterone levels are good etc. But nothing has happened
Every month its the same .. nothing

It's getting to the point where we're both just so upset and frustrated by all of this. There's no 'reason' for us not getting pregnant and i'm starting to question if it's not happening for some other reason. (what, i don't know)
anyway.. thanks for reading this far. this was more of just a vent and me wondering how to cope with the constant disappointment

Re: How do you cope?

Sometimes, I just take a day for me, no work,no chores or errands, just me.

And sometimes, I take a break from EVERYTHING, DH and DD, I try to do the things that I NEVER have time to do.
Sleep late, go to the movies, spend the whole day on the couch watching a marathon, etc

Re: How do you cope?

You aren't alone.....I agree with you 1000%! I, too, ask myself, what is going on?

My monitoring always goes well, seem to always make healthy eggs, DH is good to go........I respond to Clomid/Fermara very well. But yet month after month, its still the BFN!

I understand that in the perfect of perfect condiitons.....you still only have 25% chance of conceiving per month. It's hard to fathom....when sooo many get pregnant on the first freakin' try. But we're not the lucky ones I guess.......or maybe we are!

I'm hoping our days will come........I'm waiting for the day where the 25% is gonna be on MY SIDE!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the tangent........but to answer your question.......how do I cope? Well, alot of ways actually. I look around at look at the BIG picture. I couldnt've asked for a better DH--he is just GREAT and I love him to pieces!!! We have a great home to live in, we have great friends and family. We laugh alot! And of course......a glass or a bottle of vino always helps on the realllllly down days! LOL

And I guess I just convince myself....it's gonna happen. Not sure when, but it will! There's no reaosn why it shouldnt I guess. But our timing isn't always the perfect timing, even it means we think we're ready.....maybe someone up above thinks we're not just yet. So I'll keep waiting....till He thinks its finally right to give us our miracle we have been waiting for. What else can I do???

Message edited 2/12/2010 11:54:14 AM.

Re: How do you cope?

I know... I was there.

Keep your eyes on the future & the next steps. It's a long process. I have unexplained IF too. Great sperm, great eggs, we're both relatively young.

Truth is... I believe there is something there going wrong, we just can't "see" or "measure" it. The "other reason" is not a larger intent, but it could be as simple as an egg transport issue.

It was the 17th month after we were aggressively trying (OPKs plus) and 8 months after my 1st appt with the RE that we finally got preg (1st cycle of IVF). It's A LOT of waiting and A LOT of dissapointment. I remember my 1st IUI having 3 eggs and thinking I could have twins or triplets. Imagining setting up a nursery... ect. That BFN really hurt.

But, when I got preg, I thanked God that it was so easy (only 1st cycle) and that there was technology.

Hang in there... it takes a long time, but there is a good end in sight.

Re: How do you cope?

I think i am learning that what will help me is "time off" from trying to have a baby every so often. I need to "live" in a way that I don't do so when doing IVF/FET. You might not need time off, but it may help to think of the simple things you can do to feed your soul and energy. We drain ourselves during this process. I think I realize now how much we need to find a way to refill the tanks.

Re: How do you cope?

To be honest, I couldn't cope. After 10 months of trying and one failed IUI, I decided to move on to IVF. It's so hard, you just need to take it one day at a time. It will eventually happen though. Try to hang in there....

Re: How do you cope?

Stay positive, believe that everything happens for a reason and when its your turn to get pregnant, YOU will!!!

Thats what I said to myself when I had my miscarriage...

Re: How do you cope?

I hear ya...I went through all of those emotions and questions over and over again. Sometimes I needed to just keep my mind on my "goal" and do what I needed to do to get there.
Many of us have "unexplained infertility"...it's hard to have no answers, but that doesn't mean that there isn't one.

We are lucky in that there are many more options there days for trying to get pg. If you feel like you maybe need some time off to gather your thoughts, then do it. This is such an emotional time and everyone has different ways of getting through it.

Hang in there and good luck!

Re: How do you cope?

This is a perfect place to vent! I can't tell you how many times I cried or felt frustrated. Take alone time for yourself and do things to keep you busy so you don't always think about getting pregnant. Good luck!