How could you be a better mom?

I think Im doing a pretty darn good job.....but Im a yeller, and I dont want to be. My mom was a yeller, and this is not a knock to her, bc she was and still is a great mother, but a yeller nonetheless. So this is what I want to work on.....I want to yell less and be more patient.

I posted the other day about this and how there has to be a better way, and people suggested to get down to his level and explain things to him and I have. While doing this, Ive also explained to him "choices" and that the choices he makes has consequences, down on his level. For instance, tonight, my bowling obsessed DS, likes to bowl with an actual baseball, but sometimes he throws it. I tried to explain to him that you cannot throw a baseball inside. He defied me several times. Normally after I ask a gazillion times, I yell bc hes not listening, he has a tantrum.

Tonight, after 2 warnings, I took the ball away, which is not uncommon but instead of yelling, I got down on his level, hugged him and explained that he needs to make choices....you can throw the ball, but then you lose it, or you can choose to roll it and get to keep it. To my surprise, when I took the ball without yelling, he didnt have a huge tantrum....he instead pouted and said, "i want to listen mommy"

I then said to him, well, you will get it back, but I took it bc you made a bad choice and didnt listen. He pouted, and hugged me bc he was upset and I held him and we talked about it instead of me losing my patience and he got his ball back. Didnt throw it the rest of the night.

Same thing happened at bathtime....he was splashing...Im OK with splashes but not where the water is coming over the side of the tub and soaking the entire bathroom. I gave him choices....you can continue to splash like that, but you have to get out of the tub then for not listening or you can stop and do little splashes and stay in the tub. He chose to do the huge flood the BR splashes, so out of the tub he came. He definitely had a tantrum....a screaming bloody murder one. Normally, I wouldve lost my cool by the 10th blood curdling scream, but tonight, I talked through it. Explained to him again, the choice he made and how if he made a different choice tomorrow he could stay in the tub, and it only lasted tops, 5 minutes.

So anyway, my point is.....Im sure we all want to do something different, to be better mothers. So I thought, since my own post a few days ago and the responses I got as to how I deal with DS has so far has made a world of difference, that maybe those who want to do better in a particular area could post, and we can share our experiences and get different ways of handling it that could make a world of difference for someone else.

Message edited 4/27/2010 11:16:06 PM.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Melissa you are sooo my hero. I have such a temper and I lose my cool quickly. Especially since being preggers with the second baby. I know I need to stop yelling at DS but he NEVER listens and some days enough is enough. I love him so much and when I get in bed at night and think about the yelling I cry thinking that I am potentially causing some kind of harm mentally towards him. So I need to stop yelling as well. Thanks for the encouragement in your story. I appreciate it, and will think of it every time I feel my blood start to boil.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I too am a yeller and I hate that about myself. I beat myself up about it all the time. I wish I could find a way to have more patience and yell a whole lot less. I have even thought about going to a parenting class that teaches you better strategies, cause I really HATE this about myself.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Re: How could you be a better mom?

WOW! am going through this right now too! my 2.5 yr old is putting me through hell! She is pushing every SINGLE one of my buttons! today was such a bad day I yelled so loud my throat was hurting hrs later! I do not want to be a yeller! She has become so mean to her brother with hitting, pushing (HARD), yanking toys (violently) out of her poor 1.5 yr old brother! I am at my wits end! I do time out, talk it out which usually works..but I can't take the tantrums and the crying like there is blood gushing from her head! I hope this is a phase bec it is long days esp the last two when it rained and we were stuck inside! I actually smacked her tooshie and then cried bec I said I would NEVER do that! Now I threaten her that I am going to do it and she runs or stops her behavior but I really wish that wasn't the only thing that "scared her"

UGH! good luck! Hope we are all dealing with "phases"

Message edited 4/28/2010 12:10:06 AM.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Such a brave post to make. I'm proud of you! Sounds like you are doing great!

When I whisper into Nolan's ear that I want to be a better Momma... I mean, I want to lose weight. So I'll be able to keep up with him and roll on the floor and run around the beach and pool without wasting his precious life while I choose a top to wear or dress like an Amish in 90 degrees, be in more photos and videos with him.

I just hooked up with some walking mommies from our library class who like to do 5 miles 2-3 times a week so hopefully that will help me "click".

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Definately paitience..... I also have a temper (something I inherited from my mother... ) and I don't want to be that way. DH is a paitent as tehy come, and I'm always afraid DD will think of DH as the "nice parent"

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Posted by usuk2004

I struggle with not getting distracted while playing with DS. It's hard not to get bored sometimes He's only 9 months, so there's not all that much he can do, but I'm trying to be more creative in my play with him and not have the TV on as much as we do!

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Posted by ChrisDee

I too am a yeller and I hate that about myself. I beat myself up about it all the time. I wish I could find a way to have more patience and yell a whole lot less.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Posted by eddiesmommy

Posted by usuk2004

I struggle with not getting distracted while playing with DS. It's hard not to get bored sometimes He's only 9 months, so there's not all that much he can do, but I'm trying to be more creative in my play with him and not have the TV on as much as we do!

I do this too, still do, Im not a good "player". I try to give him 15 minutes of undivided attention. Then for my own sanity, I get up and go do something that needs to be done and then I come back and try for another 15 minutes. So at least they are small windows where I dont wander off somewhere else mentally and I can do. I once read or someone told me, 15 minutes of undivided attention in blocks is better than an hour of not really engaged play.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I have also turned into a yeller in the past few days. One of my sons is pretty defiant and is big into hitting and throwing his food lately which pizzes me off. That-I could definitely improve on. Also-coping skills. I tend to lose it after a full day of whining/fighting etc.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I asked miki this same question and she told me "feed KJ more food"

I have been working on my yelling and I am getting better with it, I HATE raising my voice but I have a stubborn kid

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Posted by chelle

Posted by ChrisDee

I too am a yeller and I hate that about myself. I beat myself up about it all the time. I wish I could find a way to have more patience and yell a whole lot less.

Same here

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Posted by BnBdreamin

Such a brave post to make. I'm proud of you! Sounds like you are doing great!

When I whisper into Nolan's ear that I want to be a better Momma... I mean, I want to lose weight. So I'll be able to keep up with him and roll on the floor and run around the beach and pool without wasting his precious life while I choose a top to wear or dress like an Amish in 90 degrees, be in more photos and videos with him.

I just hooked up with some walking mommies from our library class who like to do 5 miles 2-3 times a week so hopefully that will help me "click".

Re: How could you be a better mom?

Im a yeller too. Not proud of it but TRYING not to as much.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I am very patient with DCs, but not so much with DH. I'm not a yeller, but I make snippy, snarky remarks that may go over my kids heads now, but not much longer.

I need to work on that if I want to be a better example to my kids and be a better mother.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

How could I possibly be any better than I already am??!!!.............I am perfect!!!

Actually, I would like to be in better shape and be healthier for not just me but for my DD as well. I want to be a good example for her and I want to live a long life so I won't miss a moment of hers!!

Message edited 4/28/2010 9:46:14 AM.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I got teary reading this post Good for your, I'm proud of you!!!

I'm only 5 months in but I'd like to be more confident in myself as a mother.

Re: How could you be a better mom?

I am a yeller too and I try really hard to curb it with the kids, but sometimes the drive me to the edge and I lose it. It is not my proudest moments at all. I do find that I yell when they are not cooperating when we are in a time crunch to get out fo the house. If I am more organized and don't run late for myself I am really able to control it. I could use some more work though.