Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

I had my shower yesterday and everything went great!

My mom threw it and as usual (just like our wedding, engagement party and bridal shower) MIL did nothing, not even offered to help with games/clean up...

so ok, whatever, I have come to know now that she is useless...(even though SHE'S retired and has a husband, where as my mom works full time and is single)

She was at my shower yesterday, talking about how she wants a call soon as I go into labor, her and FIL want to be there when baby arrives (although they take no interest in DH or my life, well very superficial interest)

So right now two things are bothering me:

#1 I feel so resentful towards her with the shower and its bothering the heck out of me. DH is thankful to my mom but doesn't really express himself/show it to her that much and that annoys me too.

#2 I really don't want to see her or FIL in the hospital right after birth. Honestly, they ALWAYS spoil my mood...I know its their grandchild too (their 2nd, my mom's 1st), but I see MIL and I have to hold back negative thoughts




Maybe some of this is hormonal, maybe most of it is not...all I know is I can't help but feel how I feel

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

I'm sorry! Just remember how sweet and wonderful your mom is, don't waste your energy resenting your MIL.

As for your MIL coming to the hospital, discuss it with your DH maybe he wants to be alone at the hospital with you too and he's thinking the same thing. If that's the case maybe he can tell his mom to come the following day because you'll need time to recover. From the way you describe her, it sounds like she may have just been putting on a show.

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Posted by DanandNette

From the way you describe her, it sounds like she may have just been putting on a show.

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

OK trust me on this one. Have dh call her after the fact and say sorry everything happened so fast there was no time. The last thing you want is your inlaws trying to gain access to the delivery room TRUST ME!!
And I have a great relationship with my in laws. I love them to death BUT this time around they are not knowing whats going on until after the baby is born and we are settled and ready for visitors. The only person who will be able to come to the hospital before the first visiting hours is my ds. Everyone else will wait until I am settled and ready for visitors.

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

My MIL has not helped my mother with a single thing for any of my showers, not that my mother would have ever wanted/accepted her help. I actually prefer it that way also. She could not be MORE different than my mother, or anyone in my family actually - so it was very hard for me to get used to.

If you are going to have other family members at the hospital when you give birth, I think it's only right that she be there also.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself, your DH, and your future baby is try to come to terms with how your MIL is. Believe me, things used to drive me crazy in the beginning of my marriage, and even when I first had my son. I look at it now that we may be very different people, but she is still my husbands mother, and my sons grandmother. Also, having a son now I try to think that I may be a MIL someday and would hope to have a good relationship with my daughter in law.

DH and I have had MANY fights over the years and this is something I have just learned to come to terms with!

Don't let her ruin your pregnancy, and try not to worry about what will happen at the hospital, or the days and months following!

Message edited 6/8/2009 8:50:04 PM.

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Posted by Diana1215

My MIL has not helped my mother with a single thing for any of my showers, not that my mother would have ever wanted/accepted her help. I actually prefer it that way also. She could not be MORE different than my mother, or anyone in my family actually - so it was very hard for me to get used to. If you are going to have other family members at the hospital when you give birth, I think it's only right that she be there also.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself, your DH, and your future baby is try to come to terms with how your MIL is. Believe me, things used to drive me crazy in the beginning of my marriage, and even when I first had my son. I look at it now that we may be very different people, but she is still my husbands mother, and my sons grandmother. Also, having a son now I try to think that I may be a MIL someday and would hope to have a good relationship with my daughter in law.

DH and I have had MANY fights over the years and this is something I have just learned to come to terms with!

Don't let her ruin your pregnancy, and try not to worry about what will happen at the hospital, or the days and months following!

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Thanks ladies!

I'm gonna try and not think about her visiting etc...in the chance that she comes, I will just try and focus on baby and recovering....and maybe start thinking about that margarita I can then have!

Thanks

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Posted by brownie

Thanks ladies!

I'm gonna try and not think about her visiting etc...in the chance that she comes, I will just try and focus on baby and recovering....and maybe start thinking about that margarita I can then have!

Thanks

Message edited 6/8/2009 9:14:04 PM.

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)

Posted by brownie

Thanks ladies!

I'm gonna try and not think about her visiting etc...in the chance that she comes, I will just try and focus on baby and recovering....and maybe start thinking about that margarita I can then have!

Thanks

Re: Help--to tolerate my MIL (A vent)