having a very hard time

i guess i just need support. i'm SO sad lately. i am starting to feel like i'm not built for this and it's just not meant to be. i've never lost faith until now. i always knew a baby would come "someday" but i don't feel that sure anymore.

tomorrow is my cd3 appt for IUI#4 (last try before IVF) and i'm honestly ready to cancel it. what's the freakin point? i'm pretty sure it will just end in a BFN.

i feel so angry, confused, hopeless.

how do you girls find the strength to keep going?

oh, and to top it off.....my little brother just called to tell me his wife is pregnant. they got married like 2 minutes ago and were just taking the "whatever happens happens approach" the worst part is, i don't think i even sounded excited for him on the phone, even though i really did try.

Re: having a very hard time

i wish i had better advice or words of wisdom for you...i feel the same exact way

i have questioned my faith,my friends,my family everyone in my life

why is it harder for some? there r days i cannot get out of bed..i cry at commercials,at pregnant women i do not know and cringe when i hear anyone complain about pregnancy(eventhough i know that is not fair)

bottom line..we keep going bc the fight is worth it..it is worth what we will get in the end

and like i have said before..a very very strong and wonderful lady named pennycat said..if i quit,then what was all this for? all the meds,appts etc etc

as for ur brother..it is hard..i have been there..i have 8 nieces and nephews..but thast is the way they go there and i would want that person to be just as happy for me as i was for them

feel better

Re: having a very hard time

I know it all a little too well. Just look at my screen name. Lol.

You will have your up & down moments. Right now you are caught in the down. It is OK and normal. Allow yourself to feel that way. You will get back up again. Each day is day by day and you truly never know if it's this month or the next that all your prayers have been answered.

Have faith! xo

Re: having a very hard time

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. It's so easy to get discouraged along the way... I wish I had something better to say, but just know there are so many of us on here who can completely identify.

I don't know where or how I've found the stamina to keep pushing forward after everything so I wouldn't even know how to give you advice there. I just keep telling myself that we have been through so much and if I stop now, all the suffering would have been for nothing. That's literally the ONLY thing I've got. It's so hard to keep from getting down... Me, being into signs, has thought that having losses or BFNs is a sign that I'm not meant to be a mother- or even worse, that I'm being punished for gd knows what. I was never big into taking breaks or not taking advantage of an opportunity to do a cycle because there were too many times on this road where I was on a FORCED break and it was horrible. It felt like I was wasting time.

As far as skipping this IUI .. all I can say is you just never know... You may not do the IUI and ponder the "what ifs" .. or you may decide the break before IVF was the best thing for you. Whatever you decide, just remember that you have been so strong already and every step of the way brings you closer to the goal

Re: having a very hard time

The ups and downs are so normal. I know that for me, there are days where I am so excited to start IVF, and days that I'm in tears that we have to begin this process after four unsuccessful pregnancies. I always let myself wallow when I need to, and then I start to think about finally being a mommy, and tell myself how worth it all of this heartache will be in the end. That's truly how I find my strength...but it waivers a lot.

Re: having a very hard time

We all go through the ups and downs. Go for the CD3 because if you dont, you will just regret it and think "what if". I often feel the same way that it just wont ever happen. Im here if you need to chat

Re: having a very hard time

My first 61/2 months I cried going through IUI after IUI praying and speaking God's promise but still cried and cried. I actually remember asking my pastors wife who I am close with if I would ever stop crying and she smiled and said maybe not. I continued to press in even more than before and go through another 2 months of IUI w/ no success but low and behold I was not crying anymore. Yes, I would get sad when I saw BFN but I would right away speak aloud Gods promise. Psalm 113:9 says HE settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Then I would speak excodus 23:26 None shall be barrennor miscarry in my land.......I will give full life span. There were times I would say this 20 times a day everytime I doubted in my head I would speak this out. Praise God on our 9th try we got our BFP but, I still claim these scriptures all day.
I am so sorry you are going through this it is not easy and it is heartbreaking. I will continue to pray for you. Believe it or not do pray for you all. Sounds a bit funny when I'm talking to God and claiming a scripture for Keepingsecrets, prunepie, mrsmessina... Sounds weird to me but God gets it. Hang in there you are stronger than you think!!

Re: having a very hard time

I am so sorry you are feeling defeated.....I don't know what can be said or done to make these feelings better for you. I am still trying to understand all the ups and downs myself.
What I do believe is that this feeling will pass and you will refocus and become positive again. Its ok and normal to have the low days.

Re: having a very hard time

Re: having a very hard time

It is really hard to stay positive and most of the time now i just expect a BFN; very sad. What did help for my DH and I was to take a 2 month break. After 5 months it became a lot. I feel better now and I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I def think the meds made me a little nutty and emotional on top of it all. Good Luck... I would do the IUI, you really do not know what could happen!

Re: having a very hard time

if i were doing a better job at staying positive these days, i'd have some advice for you. so instead i just want to offer you from someone who understands just exactly what you mean.

keep your head up tho. those IVF odds blow IUI odds out of the water, so don't quit right before you really start playing the game.

Re: having a very hard time (semi update at bottom)

there is no way for me to thank you girls enough for your support i SERIOUSLY don't know how i'd be surviving without this board. i went to my cd3 appt yesterday and i'm TRYING to be positive (although it's SUPER hard). thankfully dr. b is a funny guy and has a twisted sense of humor like i do so he made me laugh a lot. started protocol last night so please please please that this IUI works and we won't need IVF.

Re: having a very hard time

Posted by keepingsecrets

there is no way for me to thank you girls enough for your support i SERIOUSLY don't know how i'd be surviving without this board. i went to my cd3 appt yesterday and i'm TRYING to be positive (although it's SUPER hard). thankfully dr. b is a funny guy and has a twisted sense of humor like i do so he made me laugh a lot. started protocol last night so please please please that this IUI works and we won't need IVF.