Going from 2 to 3

... no not pregnant and I REALLY do not want more kids. Like I’m pretty much 100% sure I’m done. I can barely survive the twins. DH brings it up periodically and I don’t want to shut him down, we both need to agree and work together and ultimately come to a decision. How did your life change going 2 to 3, was it more hectic? How far apart were the kids? Any advice?

Going from 2 to 3

I don't have 2 kids but I don't think it's ever a good idea to have a child you feel you can't handle.

I can't believe I'm even saying this but I've been mulling the idea of a second around. Like, wouldn't it be nice for DD to have a sibling? Am I being selfish? I survived one, I could do it again. All these other people have 2 or even 3 how hard can it be?

Then I snap back to reality and remember that the child I have needs to come before a child who doesn't exist. I was violently ill my entire pregnancy. I definitely had undiagnosed PPD. My patience is already running thin with a toddler, full time job, aging parents and zero help. I have no business having another child. But above all, I don't WANT another child. And even if I didn't have all those reasons, not wanting one is a valid enough reason. If you really don't want another child you need to sit your DH down and tell him that. He must see how overwhelmed you are. No one wins if you're spread too thin. There is no benefit to that and I think that's something people tend to lose sight of.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

Message edited 12/19/2017 12:19:42 PM.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

You need to be honest with him about how you feel. You have twins and they’re still really young so it’s perfectly understandable that you feel overwhelmed and can’t imagine adding more kids to the mix. Have you ever wanted more than 2? If so, I’d suggest giving it time and revisiting the topic in 6-12 months. The babies may be a little easier and you could feel differently. If not, then I would be open about your feelings and wouldn’t give him any hope that you may change your mind.

DH and I always planned on having 3. DS1 was such a difficult baby that it took me a while to even think about TTC again. Once he was a toddler, he was much easier, but the infant stage definitely killed any baby fever I might have had. My boys are 3.5 years apart. DS2 was an easy baby, but has been difficult since then. When I was pregnant with him, I didn’t feel done. However, because he was challenging, I had no desire to TTC again for a while. DS2 and DD are 5 years apart.

I like having the age gaps we do. My boys were in school while I was on maternity leave so I had time alone with the baby. The boys are old enough to be independent and helpful. DH is very involved and helpful with the kids and things around the house. It has been a bit overwhelming being outnumbered, but that more has to do with DD’s unexpected medical issues and balancing everything including all of the boys’ activities. We’re only 4 months into being a family of 5, but we’re figuring out our new normal. I just went back to work so that has been more of an adjustment. It was hectic, but easier being home and managing everything. Even with everything going on, I think the hardest transition for us was going from 0 to 1. Only you and your DH can answer what’s the right number of kids for you.

Going from 2 to 3

You already know you dont want more children. To me it seems like that is the only conversation you should be having with your DH.

Going from 2 to 3

I always wanted at least 3 but we are done at 2. My kids are close in age and I am exhausted. I couldn’t imagine doing the newborn stage again. We would need to buy a bigger car to accommodate car seats and I want my kids to each have their own room. It took a while before I felt comfortable going out alone with both and I don’t want to lose that freedom. I can barely watch them both at the park and couldn’t image adding a third. Yes it gets easier when they are older but I want to start making memories now and not in a few years.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

My 3 boys are 4, 2.5, and almost 9 months old.
For us the toughest was going from 0 kids to 1, after that it's been ok, probably because my second and third are very easygoing & my first was a really hard baby... as he's gotten older & mellowed out, it's gotten much better. It's chaos and I'm definitely exhausted though!

Going from 2 to 3

It wasn't bad going from two to three. The baby stage is always the most difficult. After going through it with twins, a singleton would probably seem easy for you : )

Going from 2 to 3

I'm done at two. Before having kids, I always said 2-3 and my husband said 2. Now after two, I'm done (but my husband still wants to stay open to the idea of 3). After my first, I almost immediately started thinking about timing of the second even though I had a tough delivery. After my second, I haven't even thought about a third (instead I've prayed that there is no birth control accidents).

Everyone I know with three kids has a much more difficult time finding someone to watch their kids, a more difficult time going on trips, and they just have less time and money in general (3 kids worth of activities). For some people, they love that because their kids are their focus and they're fine not taking vacations or going out without the kids. However, for me, I think two is the right balance.

Going from 2 to 3

I have 1 DS and I think we are done. We needed to do IVF to get pregnant. I had an easy pregnancy and delivery - like no sickness, only gained 23 pounds and I was small to begin with, went into labor at 1 and had my son 4 hours later.. 9 months later, I wound up with a prolapse and then my baby nursed 24/7 and didn't sttn until 22 months. I still have PTSD from that time in my life. I sometimes fantasize about having a second, but I am coming to terms with just having one. I like that my life is a lot "easier" than if I decided to have multiple children. I still have time to myself and can freely buy things that I want. This year my son will be 4 and I feel like we can literally travel anywhere with him now!

Re: Going from 2 to 3

It really wasn't hard for us. It was just one more thing to add to the list.

But now... now it's getting a tad tricky. my sons are 9, almost 6 and 3. My 9 year old is very much into sports so the other 2 get dragged along to those things. Sometimes that means my youngest doesn't get a nap on the weekends which is tricky. My 6 year old is now doing basketball and will start little league in the spring. So having 2 in sports... yikes! I already feel like a taxi driver as it is. Mondays J has basketball. Tuesdays D has swimming. Wednesdays A has swimming. Thursdays J has basketball. Friday off. Saturday D has basketball in the mornings and come january J has basketball games. Sunday J has religion every other week.

It's hectic. It's crazy. NOW. When my 3rd was a baby.. piece of cake.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

How old are your kids?

I had two very close in age together. Decided to have a third who is 3.5 years younger than the middle child (5 years younger than the oldest). I had to convince hubby. He was done. But it is really YOUR ultimate choice. If you are questioning it, just wait.

3 is more than 2. Some days it is a lot, some days it’s not much more. For us, the childcare changed our lives (I’m home now), so it was a HUGE difference. If you aren’t working, I’d say it’s not that big of a difference. You juggle around things, make a bit more at dinner, mine all share a room (even though we’ve got space) and love it.

Yes, with activities when they get older, it gets very hard. My kids aren’t into sports (a travel team will meet 3x a week! And that’s PER kid), but our schedule still looks like PP. Homework and time with each kid per kid gets tricky. They all need reading time, math time, project time, art time and just unwind and talking time. My free time is before they wake up. That is a luxury though!

I sometimes think about having a 4th. I love kids. Honestly, I couldn’t carve more time out from anywhere... and I’m getting older, and want to go back to work. So, I’m done. It is so individual. Hubby is 1000% done.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

I think it really depends on the age gap.

I was done at 2 but a surprise came my way when my baby was 4 months old. My 2 youngest are 14 months apart. I can tell you, without a doubt, going from 2 to 3 has been hellish. The 2 little ones are constantly going in different directions. As a mother of twins, I know you know all about that! Our situation is probably similar in that we are constantly on diaper duty and essentially acting as defensive lineman at all times. What one doesn't think of, the other does.

But I have a couple of friends who had their 3rd much later. Our friends just had a 3rd and their other two are 5 and 7 and another friend whose kids are 3 and 5. It's a little more manageable with that spread because you don't need to be "on" the other kids as much.

I will also add that when I found out about #3, I was not thrilled. At all. People would say things like "You may regret not having a kid but you will never regret having one", etc. I have to say my #3 is my greatest gift. He is amazing. I can't imagine what our family would be like without him.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

Depends on how much you feel you can handle. I have 2- the first is special needs and the second is in her terrible two's right now. It is enough for me! lol.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

I also want to add that if you are truly done, not only will you know, but you will feel SO fulfilled.
I love the life I have right now. I love that my DD is and only child.
It just feels so peaceful and zen.
She gets all our attention.
We have money to do things for her we couldn't with more.
She does any activity she wants, she excels in school, we shower her with everything we have in us emotionally,financially and mentally.
I'm happy and calm (most days! ) and she is happy and calm as a result.
We don't have financial or emotional stress and anxiety and she picks up on that.

There is never one regret, never a what if, never a, "oh it would be so nice to give her a sibling"
never once.
So my advice is to go with what is in your heart- whether that be 1 child or 6
You just know....

Re: Going from 2 to 3

If you know you "REALLY " don't want to have more kids than I think that is the discussion you'll need to have with your hubby. The last thing you want would be to blame him for the added financial and emotional stress because you felt guilted into a major life decision. I have several friends who were thrilled to have two at once and be done. Nothing wrong with that!

Going from 2 to 3

I have 1. He was a preemie and is special needs. I always wanted like 4-5 kids. Once DS was born and with the stay in the hospital and now all the special services he needs I can not imagine being pregnant and doing all of that. Plus they told me if I did get pregnant I would be on bed rest from at least week 20 on. So how would I survive with DS. Having said all of that, I do not feel as though my family is complete. We are pursing adoption through foster care to grow our family. We are hoping for a older (3-5 year old) but open to any age child.

Re: Going from 2 to 3

My advice - dont think about it right now...

My husband also wants a 3rd - I have 2 boys and he thinks we should "try" for the girl...lol. Yea OK, we could still have another boy! Really though, he talks about wanting a 3rd regardless, but my youngest is only a little over a year. Right now, I am absolutely not ready AT ALL...so my answer is always we will see in a couple years. I am going to be 36 so if by 37ish I am still unsure, then I will be done. But if I at that time feel like I want another, then we may go for it.

On the other hand though, I could see myself being done at 2. I do feel fulfilled and I dont think I will regret not having a 3rd.

Yet, you never know what could happen in time - you could financially, mentally, emotionally be in a different place - make a decision when the time comes.

Re: Going from 2 to 3