Gender rant...

So.. first, I hope I don't offend anyone.. that's not my intention (sorry in advance).

Sometimes I stalk the bump boards, and came across a board where a woman said she'd be disappointed if the gender of her unborn child was not what she wanted *I don't recall if she had her heart set on a boy/girl*

I'm baffled by this. How could someone say that they'd be disappointed?! I mean sure, I've been posting here how there have been complications with my pregnancy and possible genetic issues, however, I couldn't care less if it was a boy or girl. I hate when people say this - how about hoping you have a healthy baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and normal cognition. I just want to scream.


Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!!! (BTW, I didn't post my response on the bump, because I didn't think I could control myself and be nice).

Gender rant...

I think for ppl always hope for a healthy baby above all but second I can totally see ppl preferring one sex over the other.

I had twins and wanted two girls never imagined myself with a son now that I have one of each I couldn't e happier at the time I was sad but by the next day I was over the moon after finding out the sexes

I dont think you can say anything about anyone until you re in their shoes

I had many complications during my pregnancy

Re: Gender rant...

I totally get what your saying, with my last pregnancy i was on bedrest for 6 months, and it was really rough. Hopefully this one will be much easier, and i didnt care what i had. Now that i have my DS, i would like a ,and but i wont be disappointed if its a . i will be very happy no what what it is.

Gender rant...

I personally dont get it either. Before I got pregnant i always said i wanted a girl. Once i got that BFP i was just so happy i didnt care what sex i had. Now that I have a DS, i can honestly say i would be just as happy if my second (when the time comes) is a boy too. I am so in love with my man that nothing would make me happier than to be blessed with another!

Re: Gender rant...

I can understand a little gender dissappointment. We were hoping for a girl and are having a girl but at the end of the day would be happy with any blessing. I would think once you are holding your baby, none of that matters anymore.

Re: Gender rant...

I can understand it a tiny bit but I personally would never verbalize that type of feeling. How is the poor kid supposed to feel if they find out that Mommy was so upset that he/she is a girl/boy? I think many people probably have a preference but to get actually upset about it bothers me.

An older nurse I knew who worked in L&D for years told me a story of seeing two different families in the waiting room on the maternity unit both being very upset. The first family was really upset that the baby just born wasn't a boy (they had all girls in family). The second family was also very upset. They had just learned that their new baby was born without eyes. I always remember that story when I think of this topic, really puts things into perspective.

Re: Gender rant...

From personal experience, DH and I had out hearts set on a boy... We were convinced the baby was a boy... Until the soon tech proved otherwise... We were shocked, let down, disappointed. We knew we didn't want to feel that way but we couldn't help it. By the next day we were over it and really got adjusted to the thought of having a girl and what that brings... Now I could not even picture my life without DD! And DH agrees that he loves having a girl...

So yes, you can feel disappointed and its actually a perfectly normal feeling given the situation... Google it

Re: Gender rant...

Sorry to crash .. but to the OP, I completely agree with you. We lost my first baby (a boy) over two years ago because of serious complications in my 17th week. Before we had that loss, I had a VERY BIG gender preference. I was VERY excited to find out the gender to the point where it was primarily all I really cared about and took the health for granted knowing I'm young. Well...... the news we got the day we found out the gender turned our worlds upside down. To this day, I don't care what gender, sexual identity/preference, or anything else my child may have .. I just want a HEALTHY BABY!! .. and that was something I did not understand before we had something so precious just to lose him right before our eyes.

I think many people who are so dead set on a gender have not experienced a sick baby followed by a loss. My experiences definitely enlightened me to the more important things..... which is something I would not have understood otherwise. When someone tells me how much they are hoping for a specific gender these days, I just want to say to them how lucky they are that THAT is a priority - because quite frankly, I'd like to make it past 20week pregnant with a baby who is still alive.

Gender rant...

I hear you, I would be happy with either. As long as it's healthy. At the u/s place we went to today, the couple before us were soooo sober. We were worried something happened or I don't know what. We started talking to the tech and it turns out that they wanted a girl and were having a boy. So sad they can't be excited that it's healthy

Re: Gender rant...

I think many people have a preference but when faced with the fact that they didn't get their preference their tune chances and they become happy with what they were given.

Dh and I always wanted one of each. And we only want 2. When we found out we were having twins I said if we have 2 of the same gender we could try for a third down the road. Dh said NO before we even found out what we were having. Then when we found out we were having 2 girls I said again that we could try for a third and he said NOOO. He is happy with 2 girls eventhough he and his brother are the only ones who can have a boy to carry on the family name and now he won't have a son. Of course things can change later on but even if we do try for a third there is no guarantee of a boy.

But then again I've never been so jaded to say I'd be upset if I didn't get my way.

Re: Gender rant...

I totally understand the disappointment because I myself have been there. We were set on a boy since we have 3 girls already and when we found out we were having another girl, I was upset. Of course having a healthy baby is more important than anything but sometimes you do get disappointed when we set your heart on something and don't recieve it. Like someone else said, that feeling last about a day and it all goes away the next day and suddenly you're so excited to see you baby. Nobody here said they didn't love their baby because it's not the gender they expected. I'm sure that same person said they felt terrible for feeling that way but in life we can't fight certain feelings. This will be my fourth girl and we are excited and in love. I would have loved a boy but God had other plans for us.

Re: Gender rant...

I personally never understand when someone acts all SHOCKED and upset that they didn't get the gender they hoped for. When you make the decision to have a child, you are getting either a boy or a girl. Shouldn't be that much of a shock.

I had a friend who fell into a depression after her 3rd boy. She wanted a girl, her family made her feel even worse by saying things like "this one better be a girl since it's the last!!".

I never ever understood that.

People who are "devastated" over gender have no clue what it truly means to feel devastated. Be devastated when have a very sick baby or something terrible really happens in life.

I never cared. I CAN understand someone maybe having a preference because they THINK they'll be a better mom to a girl or boy..but i get really really upset when people express disappointment over gender.

DH's cousin was so so so upset to learn he was having a girl . Like , furious. The family was disgusted. He read every book under the sun to try and learn how to concieve a boy...lo and behold, a second girl for them. He was really upset when his sister found out she was having a boy. he felt like he was being punished by not being given a son. The whole family was disgusted with him. Eventually, yes, he did get over himself and is a good dad, but makes NO secret out of the fact that his girls should have been boys..ugh. This is an extreme example though..

Re: Gender rant...

I can understand gender dissappointment, and I can understand your POV as well. I guess that happens when you have been on both sides of the coin. One of my first sonos they told me I was having a boy and girl. A few days later the girl grew a peesh My water broke at 31w, we had a complicated birth, emergency csection and a 30 NICU stay. I will never take for granted a healthy baby.

hand on bible, i dont care if a kangaroo jumps out of here, i just want it to be healthy !!