food question again- Desperate

I recently posted about issues with my 3.5 year old and eating. She tells me shes hungry, but then I put food in front of her, food she asks for most of the time, and she still doesn't eat. It takes an hour+ for every meal and most meals are barely touched unless Im feeding her.

Im so done with having the same argument daily. Im sick of the outbursts from her. Ive lost my patience. And Im really REALLY at a loss here. I need help. Desperately!
HELPPPP

Ive tried bribery. Ive tried punishment. Ive yelled. Ive spoken calmly. Ive taken away snacks until its actual mealtime.

I just don't get how shes 'sooo hungry' and asks me for food but then doesn't touch the food.

Re: food question again- Desperate

Does she have enlarged tonsils making it hard for her to swallow the food, thus making her not want to eat it? Have you looked in there?

food question again- Desperate

I never thought of that. Shes never complained about anything would that make any difference?
This just started I would say a few months ago and recently has gotten worse and worse.

She eats everything on her plate... if I feed her. if she sits in front of it she barely touches it, shes busy playing. She never wants to stop to eat.

BUT when shes with my mom, MIL or were at her friends house she sits and eats... When my mom and MIL babysit she eats a TON like even way more than when Im home with her. Its like shes testing me...

I will Absolutely Look at her tonsils but during any checkup or dr visit they have never mentioned enlarged tonsils or anything to me.

Re: food question again- Desperate

im no help...I have the same problem with my 3yo and i honestly just thought it went along with the age and never gave it any thought.

There are nights she has one bite of her dinner (which like last night was pizza that she had requested) and then i have a morning like today where she ate 4 pancakes - probably to make up for not eating dinner.

I dont stress over it...my doctor said they will eat when they are hungry and that seems to be the case with my daughter. I try to make her sit through the meal while we eat, but there are times i just cant take the tantrum, and the throwing of the food begins...so i let her leave the table but shes not allowed to watch tv, play on her ipad or anything until we are all done eating.
there are also days recently that bribery works...she has taken a liking to reeses peanut butter cups, so thats what i say to her...eat this much and you can have one. i usually save that for a day she didnt eat a big breakfast or lunch, so that it encourages her to at least have one decent meal that day. but today she had a good breakfast, im not fighting over other meals or bribing her

Message edited 2/22/2016 2:03:01 PM.

food question again- Desperate

It almost sounds like a control thing between you and her. She's not going to starve herself. Sounds like she eats plenty on the times she's not with you. I would just give her food and if she eats, she eats. If not, she doesn't. It's a slippery slope when mealtime becomes a battle.

I'm sure it's a phase.

Re: food question again- Desperate

Ugh we are going through the same thing with DC who is 2. We know he has no physical issues since he would eat donuts all day long, and when he is with my parents he eats like a starving animal. So I know he is fine..

What we've been doing is we put the amount of food we expect him to eat on his plate and if he eats it all he gets a small treat (like a munchkin or a few m&m's). If he doesn't he gets no dessert and no snacks. If everyone else has finished dinner and he is stalling we set a timer and when it goes off dinner is over, food is removed, and he can try again at the next meal. (He gets PLENTY of time to eat, this is just after like 30 minutes of trying to get him to eat one chix nugget).

This has been working little by little. And there is far less frustration and anxiety for me and DH. If he is hungry enough he will eat. I am not going to force it. And I'm not going to let him have the control.

Re: food question again- Desperate

Try not to stress it and just make what you want her to eat and leave it for her. If she's hungry she'll eat. There are so many times I'll make stuff for DD because she is so hungry and then she wont touch it but if i check back on her later its all gone. Similar with DS. I know they wont starve but i can't force them to eat. I know there is a variety of things they like and they'll eat when they are hungry. Its a battle I have chosen not to have. They are almost 5 and almost 2.

food question again- Desperate

Yes it does sorta feel like a control thing, which shes been testing a lot lately with me and my DH now that I think about it.

I do the choices thing with her most of the time so she feels like she has control. And I do that with food. I will ask her what she would like. Dinner is sometimes a choice, most times she will just eat what I make. but breakfast and lunch are always her choice.

But the battle of control def sounds about right. I just have no idea how to rectify it. I never used to stress about her eating but lately if I didn't feed her she doesn't eat and then she asks for snacks ALL DAY.

Re: food question again- Desperate

My 3 year old is the same way. I just keep trying and hope he eats. He will scream and beg for a food, and then when I make it, he doesn't touch it. I think it's pretty typical.

food question again- Desperate

Dd is almost 3 and we go through. She doesn't eat inner most night. She cries she's hungry as we are going to bed (stall tactic) but j tell her she should have eaten when it was dinner time. I don't give in.

My older one did this and she snow almost 6 and i cant stop feeding her.

She eats breakfast and lunch and a few snacks through out the day. Most are healthy so I don't let it bother me. She's still growing and is super smart gains weight etc. it's a phase.

Re: food question again- Desperate

She's 3.5...... unfortunately, that's probably the primary issue....
She's found a way to control you, and her environment. You have to be consistent, and decide when she can eat. If she misses a meal or two, she'll be fine, so I would offer up food at "meal time" (whatever you think works for you. 15 minutes, 30, 60...), then put the food away. No other food until your designated next food time. Ignore the tantrums. She will eventually realize that she can't dictate food times.

She will eventually grow out of this phase....

food question again- Desperate

Thank you so much for all the responses! It feels good to know im not alone and will try the suggestions!