feeling sooooo defeated yet again

month 16.......still no BFP. I feel as though I am going to lose my mind, literally!!!! It is soooo frustrating to continue to think about this every month hoping, wishing, and praying and nothing!!!!!! Why I ask???? I dont't want to do this anymore Each month it is more an more devastating for me and having a harder and harder time staying positive about this. I'm feeling like it is not meant to be for me. I go one month defeated and knowing it will not be, to the next month being optomistic and it still does not happen. The 1st 2 weeks I am okay. The 3rd week I am uneasy and the last week, I am a mess. I get my period and I am devestated!!!! I mean devestated. This just doesn't seem to make sense for anyone anymore.

Sorry for the long, long vent. Just had to get that out. I hope you all have more positive feelings about this all, because after this cycle, no sypmtom I ever get will signify ANYTHING.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

i think its really insanely important to ignore anything that remotely resembles a symptom. they are so meaningless and 9 out of 10 times coincidental.

i got my sticky BFP on month 18 after IVF so i understand. towards the end i really just tried to find a place between overly optimistic and completely defeated. it was hard. i used meditation and other mental techniques to keep myself in check.

i guess im not going anywhere with this reply, just know that there are lots of people here who understand what you are going through. just hang in there!! there's a child (or 2 ) for all of us somewhere in this mess!

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

Posted by FlowerWife

i think its really insanely important to ignore anything that remotely resembles a symptom. they are so meaningless and 9 out of 10 times coincidental.

i got my sticky BFP on month 18 after IVF so i understand. towards the end i really just tried to find a place between overly optimistic and completely defeated. it was hard. i used meditation and other mental techniques to keep myself in check.

i guess im not going anywhere with this reply, just know that there are lots of people here who understand what you are going through. just hang in there!! there's a child (or 2 ) for all of us somewhere in this mess!

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

All I can say is you are not alone, I'm on month 15 and could have written your post myself. I too have become good friends with wine!

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

I am going on 16 months myself...I am right there with you... All we can do is be there for each other and keep on trying... GOOD LUCK!!! Hopefully you have some good girlfriends you can cry with once in awhile...that definitely helps me... Baby dust always

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

This is a difficult journey but I truly believe there is a baby at the end of it for all of us. Try to hang in there. I think we all have our ups and downs.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

oh sweetie i feel the same exact way. im going on the 13th try ..had 2 failed iuis...i am on the brink of depression.

also as if that didnt suck my acne has flared up beyond control. it is SO bad i look like something is wrong with my face. and it HURTS. its painful. the cysts are so deep and throbbing.

its shattered my confidence, literally. im not sure if its from the stress or clomid but something cledarly changed in the past few months that is making me break out.

my family does not know that i am trying and i feel like im letting them down. we need good news in my family and i feel like everyone is waiting on my announcement- we will be married 5 years in april and im sure everyone is wondering.

and now since i may need to get surgery (lapiroscopic) ill have to be under general anesthesia and out of pocket for a few days. its not like i can lie about that so i feel i have no choice but to tell them.
ugh, sorry to vent about me - this is your post. but i wanteed you to know that alot of us are going through this sucky journey and its a private pain that is triggered by unexpected things. its something people do not understand unless they have gone through it themselves.

i just wnated to send you hugs. i know how you feel. i hope this year will bring us some good news! hang in there...

come hell or high water, we will be moms!!

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

I totally feel what you are going through. I told my husband last night maybe we are not meant to have a baby since it is taking us so long. He told me no way we are so meant to have a baby and it will happen. We have been on this journey for about 4 years even though I believe it started when we got married in 2004 and I went off my BC pills. We too turn to wine and cheese night now along with Dexter which we just started to watch.
Im on a break from everything after doing 2 IVF's last year and having a messy beginning to the 3rd and it feels so nice however all I think about is having a baby. This is so hard to go through but I truly believe that we will have our babies one day and that this is making is stronger in some way. Our babies will be loved so much because of what we had to go through to have them. We all are supporting you and know that you are not alone.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

I'm so sorry you are feeling so low and I know we can all relate.

I find what really helps me is to take as much control of the situation as possible. Are you seeing an RE? Do you feel they are doing the best thing for you?

I hope your IF journey ends soon.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

just wanted to offer and let you know you're not alone. you'd think the disappointment would be easier to manage with practice, but it's really the opposite. it becomes more devastating every time. just try to keep hope. that's all we can do.

i can feel AF (that b*tch) on her way, so i'll be in your shoes, i'd guess, in t minus 2 days or so.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

Thanks everyone for ALL your support and love. This whole process sucks! I did see Dr. B and had one IUI. Main issue is borderline low sperm count and husband is on clomid. I dont think there is anything wrong with me, but I am starting to wonder. I am thinking I should do that test to check if my tubes are blocked. I am scared of that test though. It sounds really painful. Dr. B didn't think it was necessary.

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

Re: feeling sooooo defeated yet again

You are not alone. So many women can relate to exactly what you are feeling.

The HSG is not so bad. It is a moment of pinching/cramping and then over. I took 3 Advil before and I was fine right after the procedure. It was VERY quick. Sometimes getting answers helps. I know for me, the moment of pain was worth taking the worry that my tubes were open. I need to be pro active to feel like i am doing soemthing....but it can turn into a process of elimination. Either way, im wishing you lots of luck!!!