Family double standard

Does anyone elses DH not stand up for them to their parents??? I am so very upset right now! LAst night I wwas talking to my DH's uncle about housing and apartments for kids. I was just stating that I wouldn't want to live in my moms house. Then we got into a converstaion about how if my mom (who is single) needed help (such as being sick or too old to be by herself) I would get a mother daughter home. HIs mother who is not in the converstation starts screaming at me that my mother shouldn't want to live with me and it will never happen plus a whole lot of other nasty stuff. And my DH just sits there and does nothing just lets me take the verbal abuse. Then my MIL gets the grandma involved asking her "how would you like your kids to take care of you and move in with her?" the grandmother says nastily oh god no! I would rather die first. And DH just sits there.

Now we leave we get in the car and I get screamed at by DH. He said some really nasty things to me last night. I guess I just need a hug and I want to know if its wrong of me to ask him to say something when I am getting screamed at.

Re: Family double standard

For me...Ive learned my MIL is a nasty ***** and its not worth it for DH to say anything to her. It just works out better for us if we let her rant and rave and then when we leave we just laugh it off or curse her out. We tried the other way and it blew up into a millions times worse.

Message edited 4/13/2006 8:49:02 AM.

Re: Family double standard

I'm sorry...I don't think it's wrong of you to feel that way at all.

Re: Family double standard

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.

Re: Family double standard

Re: Family double standard

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.

Re: Family double standard

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.

Re: Family double standard

Posted by LadyLainez

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.

I agree. It only took my DH almost 8 yaers to tell his mom that Marissa & I come first in his life.

Re: Family double standard

I agree. It only took my DH almost 8 yaers to tell his mom that Marissa & I come first in his life.


I am going on 9 and it still has never happened! After the things he said to me last night I don't know if this is what I want in life!


Tracy, I think that you need to maybe write your husband a letter or e-mail and get your feelings out. It's not fair that you are his wife and he lets his mother get in between you two. I am sure you are a strong woman, who takes care of your family and you need to be adamant about this!!! I am sorry you're dealing w/ this, but you need to let your husband know that you need his support unconditionally.

Re: Family double standard

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.

Re: Family double standard

What did he scream at you about!? It should have been you screaming at him! Sounds like he was being really insensitive!

Re: Family double standard

I'm in the same boat with my DH and MIL so I don't have any good advice just

I definitely think your DH *should* stick up for you but if his mother flies off the handle normally, he's probably learned to keep his mouth shut to avoid having her direct her ire at him.

I will say that repeated conversations with my DH when we're calm (not after his mom has just insulted me endlessly at the dinner table) resulted in DH finally sticking up for me when MIL cornered me to tell me how much she hated our wedding. But that took many many conversations.

Good luck to you!

Re: Family double standard

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH

JMHO but I agree he sghould have stood up for you. Once a man gets married his wife is supposed to be #1 in his life... you are a team. Everyone should respect that including your MIL. She should have kept her "opinions" to herself. Actually, she should be grateful that you would step up and help your mom out. It shows the quality of your character and she should be proud and happy to have a DIL like you.